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The Lounge: Chat. Relax. Unwind. > Emotional intelligence

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message 1: by Mehreen (last edited Oct 03, 2016 03:05AM) (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments Emotional intelligence: If you believe in this how would you describe it? Does it contribute in our in society anyway?


message 2: by Zee (new)

Zee Monodee (zee_monodee) | 0 comments The ability for discernment in situations based on feelings like empathy and sympathy


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Zee wrote: "The ability for discernment in situations based on feelings like empathy and sympathy"

Zee nailed it and yes, it is very important in society. I would hate to think where we would be withut it.


message 4: by Mehreen (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments On Nik's thread of Peril and Adventure, most people said 'no'. Emotional intelligent didn't take precedence over instinct. Fear and self-preservation did.


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Mehreen wrote: "On Nik's thread of Peril and Adventure, most people said 'no'. Emotional intelligent didn't take precedence over instinct. Fear and self-preservation did."

But the most basic and most important human instinct is to protect oneself. That has been true since the beginning of time. Emotional intelligence gives you the ability to process information in such a way as to understand your environment and the people in it. It doesn't seem like it on the surface but trust me, this Is about self-preservation as well. Fear is a healthy emotion if it keeps you alive LOL.


message 6: by Mehreen (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments Tara wrote: "Mehreen wrote: "On Nik's thread of Peril and Adventure, most people said 'no'. Emotional intelligent didn't take precedence over instinct. Fear and self-preservation did."

But the most basic and ..."
So you are saying that emotional intelligence is something that is more to do with keeping you alive not to help others in peril.


message 7: by Tara Woods Turner (last edited Oct 03, 2016 08:13PM) (new)

Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments I'm saying that everything, absolutely everything eventually points back to self-preservation. Emotional intelligence is a component of this, although not an overwhelming component. We help others because it makes us feel good but that feeling is based on the fact that we are convinced that by doing so we are making the world and society a better place. But the truth is that we want it to be a better place so that we have an optimal environment in which to protect and raise our children.

Emotional intelligence isn't really about warm, fuzzy feelings. It is about discernment and meant and being able to quickly and accurately process information so we can understand and respond the States of mind of those around us. The results are great, sure. Greater empathy, increased social awareness, enhanced sense of compassion etc but since the dawn of time EI has made the difference between life and death. If you figure out how to keep the nobility appeased you don't starve in the winter. If you know how to relate to the emporer you may become head concubine and secure titles and lands for your children. If you understand what motivates your enemy you can defeat him on the battlefield. If you understand the concerns of the community you know how to get elected to office. So on and so on.


message 8: by Mehreen (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments Tara wrote: "I'm saying that everything, absolutely everything eventually points back to self-preservation. Emotional intelligence is a component of this, although not an overwhelming component. We help others ..."

That is why asked in the beginning how people would describe emotional intelligence. Meaning it is a lot more than a warm fuzzy feeling. One that allows people to feel good about for helping others and not so much that the person they have helped might find a better or more secure footing in the world.

However, Emotional intelligence is certainly not what you describe in your second paragraph. That is more like self-preservation through tact and trickery.


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Mehreen wrote: "Tara wrote: "I'm saying that everything, absolutely everything eventually points back to self-preservation. Emotional intelligence is a component of this, although not an overwhelming component. We..."

I disagree. Tact and trickery is the method. Emotional intelligence is the instrument. EI is like a knife, neither good or bad. It can murder or it can slice bread to give to the hungry. EI is merely a skill, how one uses it is based on the individual. My niece uses it to help bullying victims. My former boss used it to exploit people's weaknesses.


message 10: by Mehreen (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments Tara wrote: "Mehreen wrote: "Tara wrote: "I'm saying that everything, absolutely everything eventually points back to self-preservation. Emotional intelligence is a component of this, although not an overwhelmi..."

Your former boss exploited people's weakness and you are calling him emotionally intelligent? Jesus, Mohammad, prophet's of Abrahamic religions were emotionally intelligent. Budda was emotionally intelligent. I know not what you mean by, "method" and "instrument". The method is the instrument lol. The process through which something happens, no?


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Mehreen wrote: "Tara wrote: "Mehreen wrote: "Tara wrote: "I'm saying that everything, absolutely everything eventually points back to self-preservation. Emotional intelligence is a component of this, although not ..."

Method is the series of actions you use to achieve a goal. Instruments are the tools you use. Traveling to work on the subway is a method of transportation. The subway car is the instrument. Fixing breakfast is a method to feed yourself in the morning. The stove is the instrument.

EI doesn't exclude immoral or unethical motives. It just means you have keen powers of perception and an intuitive understanding of the feelings of others. It can be wonderful or manipulative. Clinical barcissists tend to have great emotional intelligence just as grief counselors do. It's not black and white.


message 12: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 13834 comments Is EI something that helps us overcome instinct and let cognition override instinct? I think it's just intelligence, not necessarily emotional. People do sky- and bungee- jumps, fly to space, dive deep and so on, overcoming fear and do other things overcoming other instincts..
EI should allow those, for whom emotions are important to understand them and account for in decision-making. Not sure everyone accounts for them though. A despot increasing taxes/tributes may be indifferent to negative emotions of his/her subordinates, as well as a boss telling employees that they would need to work on Sat/Sun this week.


message 13: by Mehreen (last edited Oct 04, 2016 12:58AM) (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments Tara wrote: "Mehreen wrote: "Tara wrote: "Mehreen wrote: "Tara wrote: "I'm saying that everything, absolutely everything eventually points back to self-preservation. Emotional intelligence is a component of thi..."

I don't understand. How does this support your arguments of EI (Emotional Intelligence)? I know what method and instrument mean but I don't understand them in relation to your argument here.


message 14: by Mehreen (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments Nik wrote: "Is EI something that helps us overcome instinct and let cognition override instinct? I think it's just intelligence, not necessarily emotional. People do sky- and bungee- jumps, fly to space, dive ..."

Yes, I think you're making a lot of sense here.


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Mehreen wrote: "Tara wrote: "Mehreen wrote: "Tara wrote: "Mehreen wrote: "Tara wrote: "I'm saying that everything, absolutely everything eventually points back to self-preservation. Emotional intelligence is a com..."

EI doesn't really need further defining, it is what it is. However, I think if we see it as an ability to feel, we will seriously get off track because that definition is erroneous. Just think of EI as a type of intelligence, in general. People with high IQs can be good or bad. People with high EQ can stop to help the stranded motorist or think of his own safety and keep going.


message 16: by Mehreen (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments Tara wrote: "Mehreen wrote: "Tara wrote: "Mehreen wrote: "Tara wrote: "Mehreen wrote: "Tara wrote: "I'm saying that everything, absolutely everything eventually points back to self-preservation. Emotional intel..."

EI is to stop and help the stranded person and not killed in the process. But to move away is intelligence to save only the self not the other. By default, it would be a fractured line of intelligence adopted by self serving colonisers to preserve themselves only, their nations at the cost of so many other.

To me EI means to be sensitive and show empathy so much so that I not only save myself but others. That is a more comprehensive definition in my view.


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Mehreen
That is not a definition. It is an interpretation, an idea. It's not a bad idea, but is not possible to define the word in ways we prefer and still remain cogent. It is what it is. But I'll discuss interpretations of EI with you all day lol. It is interesting.


message 18: by J.J. (new)

J.J. Mainor | 2151 comments Mehreen wrote: "Your former boss exploited people's weakness and you are calling him emotionally intelligent? ..."

I think it's two separate issues: What is emotional intelligence? and how do you use it?

Just because someone is intelligent, doesn't make them automatically good. The same as being unintelligent doesn't make one bad. I would almost say some of the warmest, most compassionate people are those who might not be considered EI, because they don't know better or they might not understand why it's right or wrong. Say a child with Down Syndrome might give you a smile because it's who they are and not because they know that smile will make you happier, while a politician might give you a smile and kiss your baby because they know it will warm you up to them and get you to vote for them, and not because they genuinely like you.


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments J.J. wrote: "Mehreen wrote: "Your former boss exploited people's weakness and you are calling him emotionally intelligent? ..."

I think it's two separate issues: What is emotional intelligence? and how do you ..."


Yes!


message 20: by Mehreen (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments Tara wrote: "Mehreen
That is not a definition. It is an interpretation, an idea. It's not a bad idea, but is not possible to define the word in ways we prefer and still remain cogent. It is what it is. But I'll..."


I don't agree. Definition may differ from person to person depending on the interpretation of issues. Say for example definition of government would differ depending on the views of people. How one would define gov under democracy would be largely different from how people interpret it. Same with free speech. It is not hate speech for sure, but some will define it on the basis of their interpretation which might include bigotry, racism, everything trump does which you or I would not. In Trumps definition of free speech, God, I wouldn't even know where to start. In relation to EI though what you are saying is completely off point. That is not the issue at all. I don't think people even understand what EI is?


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Mehreen wrote: "Tara wrote: "Mehreen
That is not a definition. It is an interpretation, an idea. It's not a bad idea, but is not possible to define the word in ways we prefer and still remain cogent. It is what it..."


Again I believe the discussion is better served by truly understanding the actual meaning of emotional intelligence. How one interprets or applies this is subjective but the phrase can't be what we want it to or think it should be:

Psychology Today
Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others.

Wikipedia
Emotional intelligence (EI) or emotional quotient (EQ) is the capacity of individuals to recognize their own, and other people's emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and to manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt environments or achieve one's goal(s).

University of New Hampshire
Emotional intelligence refers to an ability to recognize the meanings of emotion and their relationships, and to reason and problem-solve on the basis of them. Emotional intelligence is involved in the capacity to perceive emotions, assimilate emotion-related feelings, understand the information of those emotions, and manage them. (p. 267 of this article)

Dictionary.com
noun - skill in perceiving, understanding, and managing emotions and feelings.
Abbreviation: EI.


message 22: by Mehreen (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments Tara wrote: "Mehreen wrote: "Tara wrote: "Mehreen
That is not a definition. It is an interpretation, an idea. It's not a bad idea, but is not possible to define the word in ways we prefer and still remain cogen..."


Precisely. That is how I would also define it. What I've said earlier reflects just this.


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments I argued that EI is not defined by or measured by a value system. You stated that the examples I gave were not EI but were "more like preservation through tact and trickery" But if you revisit that comment you may see that each scenario I gave fits squarely within the accepted definitions of EI, whether we would use it for those purposes or not.


message 24: by Mehreen (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments You have said saving oneself was paramount, I said saving others and oneself was paramount.You talked about method and instrument. I said being sensitive was important. Perhaps, you need to read what I've said closely.


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Mehreen wrote: "You have said saving oneself was paramount, I said saving others and oneself was paramount.You talked about method and instrument. I said being sensitive was important. Perhaps, you need to read wh..."

Per your request I went back and re-read not only your comments but the entire thread. Nothing I said contradicts or undermines the definition of emotional intelligence. Anyting that was just my opinion is clearly stated as so. I had the impression that you were shaky on what the term actually means based on your interpretation of it, or more accurately, your comment that to you EI means the ability to "be sensitive and show empathy to others". That is not the meaning of EI- that is perhaps how one would like people to use their EI.


message 26: by Mehreen (last edited Oct 05, 2016 01:48AM) (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments That is exactly what EI means. "Manage your own emotions and emotions of others". I haven't been shaky at all but confidently stated that one needs to have empathy and show kindness to others, at the same time know how to save oneself too. Not to leave one stranded on the road, when you said you wouldn't. I know what I've said and I stand by it. I go out of my way to really help people not provide just lip service. Whereas, you have failed as per what you have said in terms of your method and instrument. That is clearly not what EI is. Perhaps you need to reevaluate what you have said and clearly state as per these definitions. I haven't read anything even remotely close to EI from what you have said far. So I disagree.


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments I'm not sure why you are so confused by my explanation of method and instrument. You erroneously assigned the ways in which people use EI as a means of self-preservation as my definition of it. I would ask you to re-read my comments - it may help your understanding of what I said. The first 2/3 of the entire thread contain your views on what EI is based on what you feel it should be instead of what it really is. The definitions I provided are clear and concise. We do not disagree about the fact that people should show kindness and empathy and help oneself etc but these are side issues. Topical, yes. Definitive, no.


message 28: by Mehreen (last edited Oct 05, 2016 12:21AM) (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments I never said EI applies to self-preservation you said that. I only pointed out your error that you confused EI with self-preservation. Self-preservation is a part of EI. Your definition is muddled as is your view of EI. However, The definition of psychology today is precise and clear.

"Managing your own emotions and emotions of others." There is more to this than meets the eye. I am going to have to terminate our conversation here.


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments As you just stated: "self-preservation is a part of EI."
So after all this you agree with me. As I correctly stated above in reference to self-preservation: "Emotional intelligence is a component of this, although not an overwhelming component."


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