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message 1: by Alexis (new)

Alexis Marie | 200 comments Hi! I live in Kentucky, and where I live game masturbation is still taboo. For example, my own mother thinks that it is unnatural for women to have those type of urges. I completely disagree, and I think that female sexuality needs to be embraced especially since there are so many double standards in regards of both male and female sexuality.


message 2: by Agustin (new)

Agustin | 223 comments Your mother thinks masturbation (either male or female) is unncatural?! Why dont you ask her to investigate about the subject?


message 3: by Kristina (new)

Kristina Bliss (blisser99) | 0 comments I once was someone that agreed with your mother. I was uncomfortable with my body and was raised to think a certain way. Once I got out in the real world, and through many trials with my ex husband, I have found that my way of thinking has changed over the years. I once thought that it meant that you weren't good enough for your partner if they masterbated. I do believe there is a time and a place for it. If in a relationship, boundaries should be discussed. I think that maybe your mother just came from a time when "a lady didn't act that way." It is hard for most people to change their way of thinking, because they always believe that they are the ones who are correct. I say respect her opinion, continue doing you, and open the eyes of the next generation.


message 4: by Tiffany (new)

Tiffany (ladyperrin) | 1 comments I do agree that there's a lot of social stigma attached to female masturbation (especially for older generations). But in some cases, it could just be preference. I've meet some people who just don't like masturbation. One friend said that she preferred the human contact that comes from intercourse and masturbation just can't deliver that.


message 5: by IShita (new)

IShita | 43 comments I come from a place, culture and society where masturbation (male or female) is not just a stigma but something sacrilegious. However, the current generation has seen a lot of change. I am a college going student and I frequently meet people who have openly accepted and discussed masturbation. The fact that they realize, that I think the older generations anywhere don't is that this is a very natural scientific urge and need of a human body. Female masturbation is as yet not as prevalent as male but it does exist and I think there's nothing unnatural or uncouth about it. And like you said, it is all preference. But if one does choose to take it up, it does not make them a sex addict or anything like that! We all, and I think it'd be fair to say-especially women- understand all the various reasons these urges might rise within us and there's nothing "unholy" about giving into them.


message 6: by Martyn (new)

Martyn Stanley | 77 comments I think religious organizations have been strong opponents of self-pleasuring, for men and women. It's one of the many reasons I, personally would call for society to adopt a more pragmatic and logical moral code.

Is masturbation harmful? Personally I don't think it is. There are people who argue it's damaging for relationships and a factor in things like porn addiction. However there are risks to almost everything in life. We have to take things in perspective.


message 7: by Aglaea (new)

Aglaea | 987 comments Hmm. All bodies have been given the gift of orgasm through a glorious network of nerves.

I feel anger when people claim that this is natural only for men, but that women are dirty, disgusting, morally corrupt, etc. when feeling the same as men. Why give us the orgasm, then try to shame us for having the similar anatomy as men have? I no compute. One more example of keeping women in chains.

As for masturbation being dirty, well, it is about controlling people, making them feel shame, instead of celebrating the body and all that it is capable of. I love yoga, there is no shame, but sex, including the orgasm, is one of basic needs.

If a person chooses not to masturbate, it is a perfectly valid choice, but to shame another for choosing the contrary? Yeah no. It is sad to see how many are still so afraid of the vessel their souls have been put inside. Exploring boundaries and bending the mind, its perceived limitations, etc. isn't but for the brave among us though, and worth recalling.

Personally, if there is a god out there, I think it is as close as you can get to something larger than ourselves, because the orgasm is a miracle when we think about all the evolution behind it. Plus stress levels decrease, good hormones are rushing through the system, and generally we are less uptight afterwards.

Heh, if I should stay away from masturbation, I'd never have any sex, but maybe I'm worthy only when in a relationship? A full member of society only when able to prove my worth as a human being once a man has accepted me in partnership, deemed me marriage material? Is spinsterhood something shameful still? God forbid those divorcées, too. Pfft :D


message 8: by Alexis (new)

Alexis Marie | 200 comments My mom thinks female masturbation or sexuality is unnatural, and trust me I don't ask her about it. She just makes her opinions known.


message 9: by IShita (new)

IShita | 43 comments Not only masturbation even the idea of women watching porn is appalling to the society. Like only men have the right to feel aroused and be able to do something about it. But thankfully, where I went to school, people did not discuss it with everybody but they were still pretty open to it if ever a situation should arise. This, I think, helped me a lot in understating what it meant. But now with college, things are much more "out in the open". With age, I guess, people mature enough to understand that these are just like any other scientific fundamentals slash human needs. However, every person is entitled to his or her opinion provided they remain consistent across all.


message 10: by Tim (new)

Tim Emma wrote: "When I was in high school, this was something I never heard people discussing, and if people did masturbate, it was something to keep a secret. However, once I got to college, where so many young a..."

Adult supervision? Aren't most college students adults themselves? ;D

Anyway, I obviously was never told by a girl in my school that she masturbates, so I can't tell with certainty how they are about it. Something tells me they do talk about it with each other, considering girls tend to be a lot more open about intimate things with each other than guys and considering masturbation can be a bit more complex a thing for women than for men (from a physiological perspective).


message 11: by Harm (new)

Harm ten Napel (hnapel) | 94 comments Some men fear it, this independent female sexuality and desires, I don’t, I find it endearing (and not really my business) but I think that this fear is the motivation for all the suppression.


message 12: by Aglaea (last edited Aug 04, 2016 01:27PM) (new)

Aglaea | 987 comments Are we supposed to be sexual beings only if paired up to reproduce? In the animal kingdom, there are numerous examples of species masturbating just because it makes them feel good.

I wonder when it became so awful for humans to engage in equal behaviour? Sure we can blame religions, but still. Shame and guilt don't seem part of everyday life in other species, but perhaps we are above them all, completely detached as small islands, governed by entirely different rules.

Is shame and guilt-tripping something we should cultivate to bake into evolution, because they are so fantastic? Or would it be more intelligent to cultivate happiness and lack of psychological stress which so often turns against the whole body in a multitude of ways? Should we live and let live, or keep meddling in the affairs of others, even their sex lives? Peek behind thy neighbour's curtains to make sure they aren't being naughty?

I guess I don't understand what exactly fuels such lack of interest in one's own affairs (because throwing the first stone and all that), but generates such a deep interest in telling others how to live their lives, it seems so extreme to worry constantly about the decisions others make. I'm beginning to sound like a broken record :)


message 13: by Agustin (new)

Agustin | 223 comments Martyn wrote: "I think religious organizations have been strong opponents of self-pleasuring, for men and women. It's one of the many reasons I, personally would call for society to adopt a more pragmatic and log..."

I couldn't agree more. Religion not only is agaisnt self-pleasuring but also against anything that has to do with sex, like homosexual sex, sex before marriage or as they call it, "fornication", only marital sex is allowed.

I also agree that masturbation isn't harmful in any sense.


message 14: by Beth (new)

Beth (bethsbooktalk) | 3 comments I think really female masturbation meeds to be encouraged. Far too often female sexual pleasure comes second, but this is wrong. Masturbation is an important stage in sexual development as it helps girls and women to discover what exactly it is that they enjoy, ane the better you understand yourself, the better you are able to direct any future partners you might have in how to bring you pleasure. It is incredibly sad to me that still today there are women who don't really know what's going on down there because they have been taught that it is bad.


message 15: by Aglaea (new)

Aglaea | 987 comments Beth wrote: "I think really female masturbation meeds to be encouraged. Far too often female sexual pleasure comes second, but this is wrong. Masturbation is an important stage in sexual development as it helps girls and women to discover what exactly it is that they enjoy, ane the better you understand yourself, the better you are able to direct any future partners you might have in how to bring you pleasure. It is incredibly sad to me that still today there are women who don't really know what's going on down there because they have been taught that it is bad."

This.

And while we're at it, it shouldn't be, apologies for clinical terms but I don't want to sound too crude, fellatio only, but cunnilingus in equal measure as well. It never ceases to amaze me how some men feel they are entitled to fellatio, but aren't required to return the favour ever.

Maybe we should start a hashtag for this, too? Bark loudly about him going down on us, haha ha, then do rude gestures to indicate how we push his head toward our nether regions? Only if we were to do this, we'd be labelled as lots of unfavourable things. Why is that?

Ah yes, my bad, women aren't supposed to be crude or take things for their own pleasure, but we are supposed to meekly serve whilst swallowing with perfect composure... Lol. Yeah, no. Something is very wrong when merely writing these words makes me feel rebellious *eyeroll*


message 16: by Ashwin (new)

Ashwin (ashiot) | 215 comments Ok, I thought this clip from Seinfeld (a sitcom) will be appropriate here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkklW...

This was the 90's, it created quite a stir!


message 17: by Aglaea (new)

Aglaea | 987 comments Ashwin wrote: "Ok, I thought this clip from Seinfeld (a sitcom) will be appropriate here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkklW...

This was the 90's, it created quite a stir!"


Haha I have missed that episode. How did it end???

This reminds me of Charlotte in Sex and the City, when she found someone with a cunnilingus fetish. I think that's the first time I've seen it on tv. And come to think of it, that series has done a great deal to get people talking about even the more awkward stuff. The rabbit changed something in a profound way.


message 18: by Alexis (new)

Alexis Marie | 200 comments Thank you! I've had a boy whom expected fellatio, but would do nothing for me. He said, "like I would even dream of placing tongue on THAT" as if it was dirty.


message 19: by Alexis (new)

Alexis Marie | 200 comments By the way, he told me he would never dream of doing that to any girl and that women were to satisfy him only.


message 20: by Aglaea (new)

Aglaea | 987 comments Alexis wrote: "By the way, he told me he would never dream of doing that to any girl and that women were to satisfy him only."

What a charmer... Sadly I'm not surprised though.


message 21: by Ashwin (new)

Ashwin (ashiot) | 215 comments Aglaea wrote: "...Haha I have missed that episode. How did it end???"

Well, I won't tell who wins, but I'll tell who doesn't:
Spoiler alert!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ykCe...


message 22: by Kira (new)

Kira Treveil | 3 comments I went to an all-girls school in England (already sounds extremely conservative) and female masturbation was never spoken about. It seemed to be a taboo, even amongst my group of friends. Heck, when I admitted I did it I felt as if I was committing some sort of crime! Even the fact that I had to 'admit' it rather than saying it in discussion was bad. However, my guy friends always treated male masturbation as a daily need, most even accepted female masturbation. It wasn't till my final years in school that we started to really question the stigma and that's partly due to the increased discussions online.

I think as long as this topic is discussed, and women themselves start to celebrate their sexuality, female masturbation will slowly start to become more accepted.


message 23: by Ashley (new)

Ashley (ashleymarie1) | 9 comments Kira wrote: "I went to an all-girls school in England (already sounds extremely conservative) and female masturbation was never spoken about. It seemed to be a taboo, even amongst my group of friends. Heck, whe..."

I completely agree with you, I went to a mixed plublic school and still there's a stigma attatched to female masturbation. It's never openly talked about. This idea that in society females masturbating, or even approaching the subject is not "ladylike" is riduculous. Women should not feel like they are "failing" their gender because they celebrate their own sexuality.


message 24: by Nicolás (new)

Nicolás Montero | 1 comments hurts me that Emma do this.


message 25: by Alexis (new)

Alexis Marie | 200 comments What do you mean Nicolás?


message 26: by Simona (new)

Simona | 13 comments Maybe he thinks that Emma ( a woman made ​​of flesh and blood like all of us) should not do " certain things " . And sincerely I don't understand why she shouldn't: female masturbation is not a sin, as it has been rightly said in this thread.


message 27: by Beth (new)

Beth (bethsbooktalk) | 3 comments Aglaea wrote: "Beth wrote: "I think really female masturbation meeds to be encouraged. Far too often female sexual pleasure comes second, but this is wrong. Masturbation is an important stage in sexual developmen..."

Exactly! Men are all me, me, me without a second thought to their partner's pleasure! If a woman dears to ask a man to return the favour, it's seen as ridiculous. Women are taught to meekly serve without a second thought to their own needs. It's only made worse by the media, apparently you can have a male orgasm and it's still a 15 but a female orgasm takes it to an 18 in films? It just furthers the idea that female pleasure is somehow inherently wrong.
Conversely though, here's a fun fact. In the past, it was believed that a woman had to orgasm in order to become pregnant? Strange how attitudes change.


message 28: by Beth (new)

Beth (bethsbooktalk) | 3 comments Kira wrote: "I went to an all-girls school in England (already sounds extremely conservative) and female masturbation was never spoken about. It seemed to be a taboo, even amongst my group of friends. Heck, whe..."

I went to an all-girls school in England also, and whilst my experience was similar to your own in that masturbation and sex wasn't really talked about I don't think it was particularly a shared experience. Me and my friends didn't really talk about it, but I know friends from outside of my main friendship group were a lot more open about it. I think there's still general discomfort when it comes to discussing it, but it depends on who you are talking to and how comfortable you are around each other as much as anything else.


message 29: by Izzy (new)

Izzy (draugur_ulv) | 20 comments May Lacigreen help you ;) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xf2vf...


message 30: by Otusa (new)

Otusa | 3 comments My mom is very much the same as yours. She thinks that it's not appropriate in every sense... Now a days, there needs to come to an understanding of female sexuality. Women shouldn't be shamed for having multiple partners.. Boyfriends or even people they just simply text. Men can have and sleep with whomever and it's accepted. He's just a "player". Women are deemed s slutty or whores and it's obviously not fair. It's just asocial issue. I hear women hating on women all the time and I just question they're understanding of unity and equality... I believe that this taboo won't be going away anytime soon. It's just up to us females (society in general) to understand and accept things like this now a days.


message 31: by Jessica (new)

Jessica | 6 comments Agustin wrote: "Martyn wrote: "I think religious organizations have been strong opponents of self-pleasuring, for men and women. It's one of the many reasons I, personally would call for society to adopt a more pr..."

I agree with the religious pressures on society. I never majored in Feminist Studies, but shaming women (especially more so than men) that masturbation is wrong just seems like a procreation tactic, not unlike banning birth control. This would force their followers to only experience sexual release through male-female intercourse. And this in turn would maximize the spread of the particular religion, through offspring. Is there any religion that doesn't employ these 'rules' to optimize maximal breeding?


message 32: by Agustin (new)

Agustin | 223 comments Otusa wrote: "My mom is very much the same as yours. She thinks that it's not appropriate in every sense... Now a days, there needs to come to an understanding of female sexuality. Women shouldn't be shamed for ..."

I hate the fact that when a man sleeps with several women, he's a cool guy, but if a woman sleeps with many men they're labelled as whores. That makes it all more unfair.


message 33: by Caitlynd (new)

Caitlynd | 20 comments It's your body-no one else's. You can do what you want with it, and it's nobody else's business but your own.


message 34: by Alexis (new)

Alexis Marie | 200 comments My class is reading "Dracula" and depicts sexualized women as monsters etc. Even though this was written in Victorian times, this repressive view is still seen. Female sexuality is still seen as taboo in many parts of the world including in America(some places).


message 35: by Martyn (new)

Martyn Stanley | 77 comments It's probably a peculiar way of portraying it in fiction, but in my fantasy series, within the strictly matriarchal society of the dark elves - it's subtly inferred that the women are often inclined to order their man-servants to masturbate them and not climax themselves. This might seem kind of weird, but I think historically in Earthly cultures it's often been accepted that sexual intercourse can cease once the male has climaxed. I really wanted to turn every aspect of the patriarchy upside down for the dark elves. I don't go into this aspect explicitly but I wanted to infer it. I think sex is an important part of gender equality and it's something not often addressed.


message 36: by Brinlie (new)

Brinlie Jill (brinlietravels) | 9 comments This is the first actual conversation I've ever seen/heard about female masturbation ever. I grew up in a very conservative/religious society and I only have briefly talked about sex with my closest friends and I think the word vibrator has only come up once. To me masturbation has a lot more of a stigma than sex. That being said, I have never talked to my mom about sex and I would be mortified if we somehow got onto the subject of masturbation. I don't know if it's because it's such a 'shameful' thing or if it's because that's something that is personal and should be kept to yourself, you know? I really enjoyed reading all of these posts though because there can be a lot of suffering involved in shaming the vagina. After I first started having sex I got several yeast infections but I thought maybe it was possible I had an STD. So for the longest time I didn't tell my mom that I needed to see a doctor. I was ashamed to even say the word gynecologist (that could partially be because I didn't know how to pronounce it but the point stands). Maybe I'm getting off subject but I'm glad this subject is coming up. I think masturbating is great. There's no stress.


message 37: by Mahir (new)

Mahir Mustari | 3 comments Lots to read but first am just gunna leave my opinion; it doesn't matter, anyone should be able to masturbate.


message 38: by ℓуηη, ℓσкιѕℓутнєя¢ℓαω (last edited Nov 22, 2016 11:07PM) (new)

ℓуηη, ℓσкιѕℓутнєя¢ℓαω | 6 comments This is kinda amazing. I've never seen or heard a discussion on this topic so openly expressed. I was raised in a very strict religious setting and all things sex (premarital esp), self-pleasuring, etc was strictly off limits for discussion or partaking of. It was such an oppressive way to live, and it truly effects the way you develop as you grow older. You have this "opinion" ground into you that these things are wrong, and you're shameful for doing/wanting them, and so you feel like you are bad since that's be ingrained in your brain since a young age. It's just so refreshing to see everyone here being so open about this and how it's natural for any woman to have these needs/desires. Thank you for this post and everyone's honesty!


message 39: by Ana, Our Shared Shelf Moderator (new)

Ana PF | 746 comments Mod
I grew up in a fairly liberal atmosphere and went to a public high school where obviously there were both girls and boys and surprise, surprise, female masturbation was never talked of among us girls. Actually, it was just not talked about. Period. Don't get too excited about the level of the conversations concerning male masturbation, though, haha.

I'd say for me it was more a matter of general teenage awkwardness than of thinking that it was a bad thing, which I never did. Then also, that sort of stuff I tend to keep strictly private. For once, however, I don't think it was because of being a woman. Had I been a man, it'd have likely been the same.


message 40: by Alexis (new)

Alexis Marie | 200 comments Thanks for the comments everyone! I just really think that the stigma of female sexuality should be lifted period. Men are free to masturbate and have sex with multiple people. And it is not frowned upon at all. If a woman masturbates or has sex with more than one partner, she's a "slut" "whore", etc.


message 41: by Jessica (new)

Jessica | 149 comments Beth wrote: "I think really female masturbation meeds to be encouraged. Far too often female sexual pleasure comes second, but this is wrong. Masturbation is an important stage in sexual development as it helps..."

I agree that masturbation is fine, but it hasn't helped me discover myself. It doesn't give me any ideas on how to tell any partner I may have how to pleasure me.


message 42: by Alexis (new)

Alexis Marie | 200 comments Beth, everyone is different(: I just don't want it discouraged in women when it is considered "normal" for men to do it.


message 43: by Guyler (new)

Guyler Winter | 1 comments Fascinating book: "The Technology of Orgasm: "Hysteria," the Vibrator, and Women's Sexual Satisfaction" (Johns Hopkins Studies in the History of Technology) Revised ed. Edition by Rachel P. Maines
Also, for a lighthearted look at the Victorian world: "Hysteria" a 2012 movie about the invention of the vibrator in Victorian England.

I have to question whether in the U.S. in 2016 we have actually advanced culturally on this topic from the Victorians.


message 44: by RachelvlehcaR (new)

RachelvlehcaR (charminggirl) | 26 comments During the craze of "Female Hysteria" women would go see their doctors to get manually stimulated until they reached an orgasm. Pretty much the idea of the first invention of the toy (which looked like a steam locomotion powered modern day F*** Chair) was made to help the doctors out since they would get tired from manually stimulated all those women. Remember this was a time period of when men would have mistresses and go to them for sex rather than to their wives. Most of the time their wives were left alone. I wrote a college paper about the topic many years ago. It was very interesting to learn about all the different inventions and of how old some of these devices actually were.


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