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Alice's Wings > Fake Solutions

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message 1: by Amy (new)

Amy Of Tarth | 129 comments Sorry, I know it's another poem again, but you know.
Critique is welcome.


message 2: by Amy (new)

Amy Of Tarth | 129 comments Hush little girl
Don't you cry,
We can fix your
Imperfections.
Mark your skin with paper-cuts
To fix the pain,
Starve yourself and spew your guts
Thigh gaps are your gain.

Hush little boy
Don't you cry,
Your eyes to sleep
Tonight.
Razor blades against your wrists
To feel again,
Tiny little pills won't harm you I insist
Artificial happiness for your brain.

Hush my child
I know I make you cry,
But I know what's best
You're broken.
Sink down to the ground
You've lost your campaign,
Fists start to pound
Whips crack like a cane.
Punish yourself
Over and over,
Until you're gone
Six feet under.


message 3: by Ri (new)

Ri This is definitely interesting


message 4: by Amy (new)

Amy Of Tarth | 129 comments What do you mean by intersting?


message 5: by Ri (new)

Ri It's very intriguing


message 6: by Ri (new)

Ri By interesting I mean that it's an interesting concept, but too me some of the lines didn't flow


message 7: by Amy (new)

Amy Of Tarth | 129 comments Ah okay thanks. Ill read it over again and look at the lines.


message 8: by Amy (new)

Amy Of Tarth | 129 comments This is the edited version, is it better does anyone think? I altered a few lines to fix the syllable count.

Hush little girl
Don't you cry,
We can fix your
Imperfections.
Mark your skin with paper-cuts
To fix the pain,
Starve yourself and spew your guts
Thigh gaps are your gain.

Hush little boy
Don't you cry,
Your eyes to sleep
Tonight.
Razor blades against your wrists
To feel again,
Pills won't harm you I insist
Only make you sane.

Hush my child
I know I make you cry,
But I know what's best
You're broken.
Sink down to the ground
In-front of that train,
Fists start to pound
Whips crack like a cane.
Punish yourself
Over and over,
Until you're gone
Six feet under.


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