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Alice's Wings > Alice

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message 1: by Amy (new)

Amy Of Tarth | 129 comments The looking glass in Alice
A girl without a name,
Voices drowning out her thoughts
Basking in the pouring rain.

A stumble down a rabbit hole
My thoughts of you and me,
Bashing heads against the wall
The thunder would decree.
That flowers screaming out your name
Are not a pretty sight,
Running as you chase your tail
Amidst your hellish flight.

Tea-cups filled with broken hearts
Cakes of china shards,
Big-Head ordering blood be shed
Because someone ate her tarts.
Hatter running through the woods
Croquet with the Queen,
Tweedle this or Tweedle that
Or something in-between.

'Twas brillag on thy slithy todes
With vorpal sword in hand,
That muchness was regained once more
Thwarting Red Queen's plans.
Up the rabbit hole once more
And out your dream's content,
Hospital gowns and padded rooms
Part of your mind's descent.

message 2: by Amy (new)

Amy Of Tarth | 129 comments Opinions and advice are always much appreciated.

message 3: by Ri (new)

Ri I really enjoyed this! The only advice I have is in the line-

"Tweedle this or tweedle that
Or something in between"

I would either change the or between tweedle and tweedle to an and, or the or at the start of the next line to an and.

I really liked the teacup section

message 4: by Hallie (new)

Hallie (inkyhallie) I loved this!

message 5: by Amy (new)

Amy Of Tarth | 129 comments Okay thank you Riley, ill edit it to the first suggestion when I get on a computer.
Thanks hallie.

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