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Trish's Writing > Little One

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~Book Reviews by Trish~ (bookreviewsbytrish) The Beginning

My name is Laura Smith, I was born into a loving home, with parents that loved me more than anything in the world. I had a brother named Christian and a little sister named Hope. We all loved each other, even when we got in to fights like normal children do. My family was your typical American family, having cookouts on the weekends and working for everything we had.

"Why can't you just leave me alone Hope?" I yelled. Hope had pushed Laura's door open for the fifth time that morning trying to play. Laura being the older sister, wanted her privacy and to not be bothered by her spoiled little sister.

"I just want to see what you are doing Laurie" Hope said this with a sad face hoping to make me play with her. Hope was the only one that could call her Laurie, the only reason I allowed it was because Hope couldn't quite pronounce her name. No matter how mad Hope made her, she would always play with her little sister. She knew when her sister was born, they would be close no matter what.

"Fine Hope, hurry up and get in here. I wanted to be alone today, but I guess a little company won't hurt." Hope smiled from ear to ear with excitement.

They didn't realize it, but they played until it started to get dark. I started to notice our parents weren't home from the store yet. They had poked their head in a few hours earlier to tell us girls they were heading to the store. We always knew to stay inside, if we needed anything Mr. John was right next door to help. Mr. John was always a nice neighbor, he gave them ice cream every summer.  I was starting to get worried, mom and dad never stayed gone this long.  Hope and I ended up going over to Mr. John's house, I was hoping he knew something about our mom and dad.  "Don't worry girls, I'm sure your parents are just fine" Mr. John was always so calming.  Inside John knew something wasn't right, he just couldn't tell the girls and get them worried.

message 2: by Ruby, I write. (new)

Ruby (rubyyy) | 174 comments Mod
Nice, one thing I do have to recommend is, "showing, not telling". I know, every writer hears that like a million times, and it gets kinda annoying, but sadly it's pretty solid advice, and I think a bit more showing would boost up parts of the story. Other than that - keep writing! :)

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