World, Writing, Wealth discussion

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The Lounge: Chat. Relax. Unwind. > Friends you never met

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message 1: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 15690 comments I'm not a big fan of social networks and virtual friends. I always prefer a couple of beers or shots with a real friend to hours spent on the web.
On the other hand, as some of us grow older, it's harder to coordinate a real get-together and I find myself spending much more time in virtual reality, too sober to my liking -:) And I have to admit, you can meet really nice and interesting people here, really fun to hang out with, even if not many drinks are involved...

What do you feel though? Would you want to meet your virtual friends in a pub, invite to have a Caribbean cruise together, for a joint hiking route in uninhabited parts of Amazonas, to stay at your flat for a couple of months or would you cross to the other side of the street to avoid embarassment of meeting in real life? -:)


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments I would fight tooth and nail to avoid hanging around real, live people. My husband would talk me into doing it anyway. I would complain all the way up to the day of. I would do it and have an absolutely amazing time. For a month afterwards I would whine to my husband that I miss everyone we met and I want to do it again.


message 3: by J.J. (new)

J.J. Mainor | 2277 comments It's been said that more often than not you never want to actually meet your heroes because you're likely to be disappointed. I think it can apply to people you meet through social media as well. The limited nature of the contact forces us to create our own ideas of people to fill in the blanks while it also allows us to open up aspects of our own personalities that we might otherwise suppress. I wouldn't be opposed to meeting up IRL, but I have seen on other boards over the years that those e-friendships tend to fall apart after members meet IRL. Of course I've also seen some of those e-friendships strengthen. It's all in how much of a chance is someone willing to take.


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Is it like dating someone int he friend zone? If it's weird can you ever go back to being just pals? Is it best to keep expectations reasonable?


message 5: by J.J. (new)

J.J. Mainor | 2277 comments Tara wrote: "Is it like dating someone int he friend zone? If it's weird can you ever go back to being just pals? Is it best to keep expectations reasonable?"

Funny you say that, I was actually thinking of it like dating a coworker.


message 6: by Marie Silk (new)

Marie Silk | 1022 comments If there is a goodreads meetup, I will do everything in my power to be there! I would love to meet you all in real life. I have met my virtual friends in real life on many occasions, one of the most extreme times involving a group of about 15 of us from the same forum lodging in a mansion/manor house in the UK that had been converted into a hostel. Great times!! We met again later and shared the expense of renting a house with many rooms for a weekend. There was never a shortage of conversation because we already had shared interests from being part of the same forum. I think that one-on-one meetups have the potential to be pretty awkward, but it can be great fun when you get a lot of people together :).


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Mehreen
NYC meetup!

JJ
Don't get your honey where you get your money ;)


message 8: by Denise (new)

Denise Baer | 593 comments I've met up with some people from a writing forum I belonged to. We got to know each other online, and felt safe enough to meet. Some of them I was close with for a while, and some, it was nice to see them but that was about it. I think it's a nice thing if you're able to connect IRL. And I met my husband in the virtual world too. :) Can't complain about that 5,000 mile connection.


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Dnise
I love your story. It is actually my dream to join a writer's group when i start the great American novel :)


message 10: by Denise (last edited Jul 09, 2016 11:32AM) (new)

Denise Baer | 593 comments Tara wrote: "Dnise
I love your story. It is actually my dream to join a writer's group when i start the great American novel :)"


It was an online writing forum, which most hung out there more than they wrote. Like you, I'd like to join a writer's group. I'm considering http://www.meetup.com/ At least I might find a few in my area. Who knows?


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments I'm a bit of a homebody so maybe I can host a writer's group at home. Any excuse for good wine and trying out new recipes. Oh, and writing.


message 12: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 15690 comments I'm bringing a bottle of Finlandia


message 13: by Denise (new)

Denise Baer | 593 comments Tara wrote: "I'm a bit of a homebody so maybe I can host a writer's group at home. Any excuse for good wine and trying out new recipes. Oh, and writing."

I'm totally a homebody. If we had a house, which we're working on for the future, I would start a club and have it at my place. But I have to admit that I do go out because I don't want to become such a recluse that I start mumbling obscenities to myself.


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Ice cold. Neat. I'll make baked brie with cranberries. Smoked salmon with creme fraiche anyone?


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Denise
Uh-oh
*stops mumbling*


message 16: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 15690 comments Tara wrote: "Ice cold. Neat. I'll make baked brie with cranberries. Smoked salmon with creme fraiche anyone?"

Sounds perfect for watching Euro 2016 football final tonight -:)


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Done lol


message 18: by Mike (new)

Mike Robbins (mikerobbins) | 290 comments I've got loads of online friends who I've never met in person and maybe never will, because they are scattered all over the world. They are important for me as most of my "real life" friends are in England and I don't live there. My online friends may only be icons, but they make me laugh, cheer me up when I get a crap review, give me ideas and, now and then, write fabulous books for me to read.


message 19: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 15690 comments Mike wrote: "My online friends may only be icons, but they make me laugh, cheer me up when I get a crap review, give me ideas and, now and then, write fabulous books for me to read.."

Truly excellent words in support of online community


message 20: by Alex (new)

Alex (asato) Nik wrote: "Mike wrote: "My online friends may only be icons, but they make me laugh, cheer me up when I get a crap review, give me ideas and, now and then, write fabulous books for me to read.."

Truly excell..."


well said.

many moons ago, i tried facebook b/c my cousins created a group, but i can't remember the last time i checked it.

GR's stuck w/me b/c i hold common interest w/people here. my twitter experiment is rapidly fading into oblivion. the same fate would probably befall instagram and tumblr, reddit and others.

sure, i wouldn't mind meeting you all IRL over a beer, but that's not the point.


message 21: by Tim (last edited Jul 24, 2016 12:15PM) (new)

Tim Rees | 732 comments I come at it from a different angle. I was in the army surrounded by friends and then I left. I didn't have contact with these guys for years, I'm talking decades and I'd fought a war with them. Facebook reconnected us and for that I will be eternally grateful. And on Twitter I found a girlfriend who I travelled to the USA to meet and she travelled here. We had a wonderful relationship and although we are not together today (due to the distance) she is a very valued relationship. The truth is I have lived on this planet for a great number of years and true friends I can count on one hand and there are people I have met on the internet who count on that one hand... For me, if you connect with someone, it doesn't matter how I met that person, the important fact is that I did. I have loved three women with all my heart. Two I met in person and the third was a virtual meeting, initially...


message 22: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 15690 comments Nice and touching input, Tim, even if from a different angle


message 23: by Mike (new)

Mike Robbins (mikerobbins) | 290 comments Tim wrote: "I come at it from a different angle. I was in the army surrounded by friends and then I left. I didn't have contact with these guys for years, I'm talking decades and I'd fought a war with them. Fa..."

This is a nice comment, Tim - I feel the same way about these things. I was not in the army but I did serve as an overseas development volunteer for nearly five years. It's in the nature of foreign service that you do lose touch with people when you would rather not have done. Today I have managed to find a few of those people. I have also had relationships with women I have met on the net; not all have lasted, but one did for several years, and others have turned into friendships. The way we encounter each other is changing and there are downsides to it, but for me it's mainly positive.


kavi + alex + noir ~ve|vim~ (percybluefood) | 145 comments I have a lot of friends online, and I'd met really nice ppl on GR, and we're all really close to each other, like as close as a family member, and I love them all. And it's easy to make friends online. but irl, I don't have that many friends, I have friends but not that much. And I have difficulties making new friends.


message 25: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 15690 comments Would you actually like to really meet your virtual friends?


message 26: by Michel (new)

Michel Poulin I actually do have a number of people I know through Goodreads that I would like to meet in person one day, as I consider them friends. They are all over the map, however (Belgium, UK, Japan, USA, Australia, Ireland), so my chances of actually seeing them one day are not great, which is a pity.


message 27: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 15690 comments Faith wrote: "if in a year you meet up with four people you know and really like online, you normally end up falling out irreparably with one and saying something idiotic or going to bed with three of them..."

Not a bad ratio even for a children's author


message 28: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 15690 comments Michel wrote: "so my chances of actually seeing them one day are not great, which is a pity ..."

Hope the chances are greater than they look and you'll meet some of them one day...


message 29: by [deleted user] (new)

I couldn't go a day without speaking to someone... But if I met a virtual friend in real life... I'd probably want to take a walk with them or just hold a long conversation with them over a cup of coffee. :P


message 30: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 15690 comments Faith wrote: "If you ever wrote letters to a pen pal when you were younger for three or so years then met up for real in your teens, what happened?..."

Haven't had such an experience, but I count on meeting someone from here one day, especially as I promised beer on the house on numerous occasions. Hope booze will polish over a certain awkwardness which may creep into the gap between how you imagined someone and how s/he really is..


message 31: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 15690 comments Kaitlyn wrote: "I couldn't go a day without speaking to someone... But if I met a virtual friend in real life... I'd probably want to take a walk with them or just hold a long conversation with them over a cup of ..."

Sounds good, not sure about the choice of a drink though -:)


message 32: by [deleted user] (new)

Nik wrote: "Kaitlyn wrote: "I couldn't go a day without speaking to someone... But if I met a virtual friend in real life... I'd probably want to take a walk with them or just hold a long conversation with the..."
Ha ha, yeah. I'd most likely have something else but I guess when you first meet someone in person it's harder due to unknowing their taste. :P


message 33: by Ian (new)

Ian Miller | 11467 comments I would be quite happy to meet with any of you, but on the understanding there were no more expectations than conversation/drinks whatever. Of course a deeper relationship could develop, but I am one of those people who can talk reasonably comfortably with most people but it takes quite a bit to go further. Not that this is likely to be tested. NZ is a bit out of the way for most of you.


message 34: by Esther (new)

Esther Tubbs | 36 comments Haha!! Yep. I would love to do some cross-country trips someday. Maybe I'll meet some of you guys then, whenever that happens... 😁


message 35: by Scout (new)

Scout (goodreadscomscout) | 6019 comments I'm imagining how it might be if we all met up. First, we'd have to agree on a couple of days amenable to all. Then we'd have to agree on a location. What would you suggest? Then, when we're all there, we'd talk and drink one night into the wee hours, maybe until sunrise. That would be great. Then we'd part ways and continue to be online friends with shared memories.


message 36: by Denise (new)

Denise Baer | 593 comments Nik wrote: "Would you actually like to really meet your virtual friends?"

If I've gotten to know someone in the virtual world and I like them, yes, definitely I would like to meet them. Meeting people from other countries and cultures, even different states, is always a great experience. :)


message 37: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 15690 comments Scout wrote: "Then we'd have to agree on a location. What would you suggest?..."

Yeah, a meet up is a nice idea. How about Jerusalem, as it's getting its recognition and our attention here and elsewhere? -:)


message 38: by Ian (new)

Ian Miller | 11467 comments Nik appears to be moving on from Pussy Riot to real live riot 😄


message 39: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 15690 comments Yeah, riots, please.. So far seem low-key. They are just futile and useless. Hope they die down soon and the leaders won't incite people for something stupid


message 40: by Michel (new)

Michel Poulin As the character 'Tony Bullet Tooth' said in the movie 'Snatch': Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.


message 41: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 15690 comments Oh, I admire Vinnie Jones as TBT -:)


message 42: by Iridescent (new)

Iridescent (im_depressed) | 36 comments I enjoy those online more. Those I meet in real life I use for my own personal gain, but those online are just people I enjoy interacting with, and very little times are my virtual friends used for personal gain. Those online I see only the parts I want to see, while those in real life I have to mold them to my liking. If online a situation arises with friends, I can easily leave the chat and step away from them. But in real life, that friend will annoy you by continuously trying to talk to you, and you can't do anything to stop them unless you issue a restraint order.


message 43: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 15690 comments Iridescent wrote: "But in real life, that friend will annoy you by continuously trying to talk to you, and you can't do anything to stop them unless you issue a restraint order...."

Somehow I value those real a little higher -:)
You can drink with them, play cards, watch football, go to the beach and even take trips abroad.. As some drawback - the loan return rate among friends might not be the highest though -:)


message 44: by Ian (new)

Ian Miller | 11467 comments Ha, Nik seems to have noted that when you lend a book to a friend, you never see it again 😒


message 45: by Iridescent (new)

Iridescent (im_depressed) | 36 comments Ian wrote: "Ha, Nik seems to have noted that when you lend a book to a friend, you never see it again 😒"

This is very true, I lent a friend the first book in Beautiful Creatures 2 years ago and haven't seen it since, and just to taunt me I see it on her bookshelf every time I see her room. I learned my lesson...

Oh, you think I stopped lending others books? No way, I just stopped being friends with people!


message 46: by Iridescent (new)

Iridescent (im_depressed) | 36 comments Nik wrote: "Iridescent wrote: "But in real life, that friend will annoy you by continuously trying to talk to you, and you can't do anything to stop them unless you issue a restraint order...."

Somehow I valu..."


True, but I myself have no use for things like that. I suppose preferences depend on many factors.


message 47: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 15690 comments Ian wrote: "Ha, Nik seems to have noted that when you lend a book to a friend, you never see it again 😒"

For many physical books ceased having any value and even viewed as occupying valuable living space. Hence you see millions of books being donated or just disposed off at train stations, beaches or simply street benches...


message 48: by Ian (new)

Ian Miller | 11467 comments Yes, Nik, very true, but does that give my friends the right to so dispose of my books?


message 49: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 15690 comments Ian wrote: "Yes, Nik, very true, but does that give my friends the right to so dispose of my books?"

No, that's annoying, especially if you've collected some series and now a volume or two are missing. Also monetary loans are returned rarer than one would expect from friends -:)


message 50: by Michel (new)

Michel Poulin Hey, look at the bright side: we can choose our friends. Our family relatives? Not so much!


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