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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > First two sentences / adult Fantasy

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message 1: by Brandi (new)

Brandi (theprincessb) | 13 comments From CHAINED, TIA!!! <3

The stone wall against her back was cold and wet, the dampness seeping through her thin shift. Frozen against the wall, invisible bonds imprisoning her, she had no hope of escape.

message 2: by Bryant (new)

Bryant Reil | 27 comments How about a more active description? Such as:

The cold moisture seeped from the stone wall through her shift. Though she wrestled against the invisible bonds, her frozen body had no hope of escape.

message 3: by Brandi (new)

Brandi (theprincessb) | 13 comments That makes sense. Thanks for the comment :)

message 4: by Sandy (new)

Sandy Frediani Throwing my 2 cents in....

It might depend on your intent. Are you wanting us (the reader) to feel her resistance to her situation or her despair? My suggestion -

Frozen against the cold stone wall, dampness seeped through her thin shift. She was helpless to escape the invisible bonds imprisoning her.

message 5: by Brandi (last edited Jul 08, 2016 07:51AM) (new)

Brandi (theprincessb) | 13 comments I'd say my intent it to show her in an awful situation while also saying she has no way to change it.

Also, I kind of wanted to get a little about how she feels, both physically and emotionally--saying a little bit to setting.

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