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Archived > "Rave On" blurb

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message 1: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (last edited Jun 29, 2016 12:15PM) (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4353 comments Mod
Working on my first really real novel and this is the blurb I'm thinking of using. Thoughts?

"Buddy Holly died near my farm, long before I was born, on a cold February day. Some say that was the day the music died. I disagree. We lost three good singers in that crash, but their music lives on. Me and my band, The Velvet Bullets, are seeing to that.

"I'm Del Brewer. I work as a cook in a seafood dive. My Mama don't cut me no slack, ever, and Daddy don't know who I am some days. Life ain't great, but so far it ain't nothing I can't handle.

"Not until she showed up. A mysterious gal with red hair, doing magic tricks in a Laundromat at five o'clock on a Sunday morning. Never thought I'd fall in love, but I fell for her so hard my chin got stuck to the floor. Problem is, she don't have time for me. She might be the first problem I ever encountered that I can't charm, cheat or fight my way out of."


message 2: by Ken (new)

Ken Doggett (kendoggett) I like it. Of course, I've always been a Buddy Holly fan. Richie Valens was pretty good, too.

The blurb makes it all sound interesting.


message 3: by Morris (new)

Morris Graham (morris_g) Nice. It makes you want to read more.


message 4: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (last edited Jun 29, 2016 01:09PM) (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4353 comments Mod
Ken wrote: "I like it. Of course, I've always been a Buddy Holly fan. Richie Valens was pretty good, too."

Yes, Ritchie was fabulous. Del talks a bit about him, and the Big Bopper, during the course of the book, along with many of the rockabilly / rock acts of the past and a few from the present.

This is a project that's been sitting around a while. But, I turn fifty the same day Buddy would turn eighty if he were still alive, so it seems this is the year to get it done.


message 5: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4353 comments Mod
Morris wrote: "Nice. It makes you want to read more."

Thank you, Morris!


message 6: by Jane (new)

Jane Jago | 888 comments Yay. That's like a tune with a good hook.

Gets you.


message 7: by Anna (new)

Anna Faversham (annafaversham) | 552 comments A good one. The protagonist's personality comes through in spades. Likable too.


Sam (Rescue Dog Mom, Writer, Hugger) (sammydogs) | 973 comments Yes, indeed, that was a very sad day. That's cosmic about your birth date. A sign you should write this book. I want to read it.

Just a question. Are you going for a southern drawl? If so, would the "ing" words be better spoken as "in'". For example: mornin', goin', doin'... ? Just a polite thought.


message 9: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4353 comments Mod
Sue (Dog Mom) wrote: "Are you going for a southern drawl?"

Nope. Northern Iowa Hillbilly. Sometimes the "g" gets dropped, sometimes it doesn't. Thanks for the suggestion, though!


Sam (Rescue Dog Mom, Writer, Hugger) (sammydogs) | 973 comments Ah, Hillbilly! (smacking my head). You're welcome! : )


message 11: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4353 comments Mod
Hillbilly is easy to write in... hillbillies don't care about no grammatical rules. No, actually, I find myself doing a lot of correcting from decent grammar to poor. Instead of "we were enjoying a nice glass of champagne", it needs to be "we was all passing the moonshine jug around and getting all heated up."


message 12: by G.G. (new)

G.G. (ggatcheson) | 2491 comments Oh I like the 'corrected' version. I feel I'm sitting there with them. :)


message 13: by Ken (last edited Jun 30, 2016 11:02AM) (new)

Ken Doggett (kendoggett) I was put off by the -ing endings on "passing" and "getting" in the corrected version. But that's probably just me. I'm from the Southeastern U.S., and most people pronounce it with an "-in." Nowadays we consider the "g" dropped and note its omission with an apostrophe, but the -ing ending didn't come into wide use in English until the late 17th- early 18th-century. Many Americans had already emigrated by that time, and missed out, so that's why many of us omit the hard "g" and many of us enunciate it. It might help historical writers and writers of regional characters to know the origin, especially if they have some idea of the ancestry of the characters and how those ancestors spread throughout colonial America.

Here's what Miriam-Webster says about it: "Though teachers (with some success) campaigned against it, \in\ remained a feature of the speech of many of the best speakers in Britain and the United States well into the 20th century. It has by now lost its respectability, at least when attention is drawn to it, but throughout the United States it persists largely unnoticed and in some dialects it predominates over \iŋ\."

(OMG, I've become pedantic!)


Sam (Rescue Dog Mom, Writer, Hugger) (sammydogs) | 973 comments Dwayne wrote: "Hillbilly is easy to write in... "We was all passing the the moonshine jug around and getting all heated up"..."

How about, "... all liquored up?"


message 15: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4353 comments Mod
Ken wrote: "I was put off by the -ing endings on "passing" and "getting" in the corrected version. But that's probably just me..."

It might not be just you, but the dialect I'm going for is common in Northern Iowa, where sometimes the "g" is not only there, but overly pronounced. If it wouldn't be such a stumbling block to the reader, I'd even write it out that way. "We was goinGUH there". But, they sometimes drop the g, too, so there are places in the novel I'm doing that.

You'd think people could be consistent with their poor grammar, but they're not.


message 16: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4353 comments Mod
Sue (Dog Mom) wrote: "How about, "... all liquored up?""

Liquored up works. "Het" up is one I like, but it's a bit more common in Missouri. Smashed, crocked, soused, sauced, shit-faced... we have a lot of colorful ways to say we're drunk.


message 17: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4353 comments Mod
I'll have you guys know that thanks to this conversation, most of today's editing session was spent changing "ing"s to "in'"s, just to make sure the characters are dropping enough g's.


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