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message 1: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments alright alright alright...I LIKE RED VELVET CAKE


message 2: by essïe (last edited Jun 28, 2016 06:58PM) (new)

essïe | 31 comments
i have mayjor writters block. I cri

description



message 3: by essïe (last edited Jun 28, 2016 06:57PM) (new)

essïe | 31 comments
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Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me
Tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

bon iver covering this song is beautiful



message 4: by essïe (last edited Jun 28, 2016 08:09PM) (new)

essïe | 31 comments
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but you didn't and you broke my poor excuse of a heart. It's whatever. Love is too mainstream anyway.



message 5: by essïe (last edited Jun 30, 2016 11:10PM) (new)

essïe | 31 comments

June 28, 2016
8:00 pm

J.A.L ,

Well today was better than yesterday. Everything's been kind of a blur and I have so many things to write about but nothing comes out. Lucky me. Mmm, a guy smiled and blessed me. I dunno why but that always makes me happy. When someone acknowledges you and spreads happiness. They just give it away and I think that's kind of beautiful. Gives me hope. Hope that this world isn't completely shit yet. Cute, huh?




message 6: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments
“Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.”
― Plato



message 7: by essïe (last edited Jun 28, 2016 08:25PM) (new)

essïe | 31 comments
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
― Jim Morrison
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message 8: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments
“It’s loneliness. Even though I’m surrounded by loved ones who care about me and want only the best, it’s possible they try to help only because they feel the same thing—loneliness—and why, in a gesture of solidarity, you’ll find the phrase “I am useful, even if alone” carved in stone. Though the brain says all is well, the soul is lost, confused, doesn’t know why life is being unfair to it. But we still wake up in the morning and take care of our children, our husband, our lover, our boss, our employees, our students, those dozens of people who make an ordinary day come to life. And we often have a smile on our face and a word of encouragement, because no one can explain their loneliness to others, especially when we are always in good company. But this loneliness exists and eats away at the best parts of us because we must use all our energy to appear happy, even though we will never be able to deceive ourselves. But we insist, every morning, on showing only the rose that blooms, and keep the thorny stem that hurts us and makes us bleed hidden within. Even knowing that everyone, at some point, has felt completely and utterly alone, it is humiliating to say, “I’m lonely, I need company. I need to kill this monster that everyone thinks is as imaginary as a fairy-tale dragon, but isn’t.” But it isn’t. I wait for a pure and virtuous knight, in all his glory, to come defeat it and push it into the abyss for good, but that knight never comes. Yet we cannot lose hope. We start doing things we don’t usually do, daring to go beyond what is fair and necessary. The thorns inside us will grow larger and more overwhelming, yet we cannot give up halfway. Everyone is looking to see the final outcome, as though life were a huge game of chess. We pretend it doesn’t matter whether we win or lose, the important thing is to compete. We root for our true feelings to stay opaque and hidden, but then … … instead of looking for companionship, we isolate ourselves even more in order to lick our wounds in silence. Or we go out for dinner or lunch with people who have nothing to do with our lives and spend the whole time talking about things that are of no importance. We even manage to distract ourselves for a while with drink and celebration, but the dragon lives on until the people who are close to us see that something is wrong and begin to blame themselves for not making us happy. They ask what the problem is. We say that everything is fine, but it’s not … Everything is awful. Please, leave me alone, because I have no more tears to cry or heart left to suffer. All I have is insomnia, emptiness, and apathy, and, if you just ask yourselves, you’re feeling the same thing. But they insist that this is just a rough patch or depression because they are afraid to use the real and damning word: loneliness. Meanwhile, we continue to relentlessly pursue the only thing that would make us happy: the knight in shining armor who will slay the dragon, pick the rose, and clip the thorns. Many claim that life is unfair. Others are happy because they believe that this is exactly what we deserve: loneliness, unhappiness. Because we have everything and they don’t. But one day those who are blind begin to see. Those who are sad are comforted. Those who suffer are saved. The knight arrives to rescue us, and life is vindicated once again. Still, you have to lie and cheat, because this time the circumstances are different. Who hasn’t felt the urge to drop everything and go in search of their dream? A dream is always risky, for there is a price to pay. That price is death by stoning in some countries, and in others it could be social ostracism or indifference. But there is always a price to pay. You keep lying and people pretend they still believe, but secretly they are jealous, make comments behind your back, say you’re the very worst, most threatening thing there is. You are not an adulterous man, tolerated and often even admired, but an adulterous woman, one who is ...”
― Paulo Coelho, Adultery



message 9: by essïe (last edited Jun 28, 2016 08:44PM) (new)

essïe | 31 comments
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I would have picked Duckie.



message 10: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments

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LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS
i just watched i am sam. i cri



message 11: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments
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owie, my lungs. yes my lungs, not my heart. my lungs hurt more cause' i hyperventilate like crazy watching this movie.

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i now remember why i postponed watching it again for so many years.



message 12: by essïe (last edited Jun 30, 2016 02:04AM) (new)

essïe | 31 comments
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ugh i hate myself



message 13: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments
i wanna rp but everyone's asleep. HA i luv lyfe *peace sign*



message 14: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments
i would never ask for macaroni and cheese but if you gave me some I would eat it. i just feel like that needed to be cleared up.



message 15: by essïe (last edited Jun 30, 2016 02:14AM) (new)

essïe | 31 comments
it's two am and I have practice at seven.

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thug lyfe



message 16: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments
i freakin' hate bananas



message 17: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments
k night .

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message 18: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments

June 30, 2016
11:06 pm

J.A.L ,

I'm pretty lost right now. I fucked up pretty bad. Surprise, surprise. I need some serious one on one time with my past self. I need to convince that lucky bastard to make things right. Too bad she won't listen. Damn, I hate past self. That idiot doesn't believe anything.




message 19: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments
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eh, it's whatever.



message 20: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments
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he's not wrong...



message 21: by essïe (last edited Jun 30, 2016 11:33PM) (new)

essïe | 31 comments
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mmm pretty much sums it up. I'm gonna think about how much I messed up tonight then tomorrow I'm gonna move on. One day at a time, J.

Regardless of everything I'm pretty great so there's that. woot woot (>*·*)>

To a better day.
xx



message 22: by essïe (last edited Jul 01, 2016 08:57AM) (new)

essïe | 31 comments
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why is this so funny?



message 23: by essïe (last edited Jul 08, 2016 01:59AM) (new)

essïe | 31 comments

July 8, 2016
1:49 a.m.

J.A.L ,

Today is officially your birthday. Good for you, I guess. I'm not sure how old you'll be but I don't really think that matters. I messed up pretty bad. Then again, it's always me doing something wrong, right?
I went away for a while and I came back but I just feel...I don't know. Drained? I'm so tired. He just made it worse. For as long as I could remember things have always been too loud. Too loud for me to handle, making me unaware of what was around me. Being with him, he made things easier. He made things quiet. I won't get into detail because people do read this, shit but basically I guess things are getting pretty loud again. It sucks to say but, I think he's the one making most of the noise now.




message 24: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments
We're losing ourselves. This world is so messed up. Why are we adding so much? We are making the fire bigger! We're becoming something ugly. This has to change.



message 25: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments
No one's on to rp. *cries*



message 26: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments
oh shit



message 27: by essïe (last edited Jul 18, 2016 11:53PM) (new)

essïe | 31 comments " i have made mistakes today
yes, i have made mistakes today . "



message 28: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments


July 26, 2016
10:05 p.m.

J.A.L ,

I don't even...
I can't express the pain. This unbearable...feeling if that...if that's what this is. Is this my punishment? Is this my punishment for being the selfish person I am today? I can't...I don't even-
What have I done? Is this my fault? Tell me, J. Tell me please ! What did I do? Why?

I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry.




message 29: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments today should be fun fun fun


message 30: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments I LOVE WRITERS BLOCKKK !!!!


message 31: by essïe (new)

essïe | 31 comments woah woah woah whats up motherfucker


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