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message 1: by Segilola (new)

Segilola Salami (segilolasalami) | 46 comments Hi everyone,

I wrote my first book less than a year ago. My three books are children's books. Two fiction, one non-fiction.

I am taking a break from writing for children to work on an adult novella

I am in need of people to give me constructive feedback of what I have written so far.

I was gunning for horror erotica but I think I missed the mark on it.

Here's a link to the first 3000+ words

It is very Afro-European-centric and I can assure you it is unpredictable (well I think it is)

Anyhoos, if you want to read all that I have written so far to give me feedback, please drop me a line here

I find that I miss notifications (I get too many)



message 2: by Alexa (new)

Alexa | 5 comments HI,

I would love to give you positive constructive criticism. But, I must ask you first what form of criticism do you respond to best? For example, I respond best when someone shows me a different or better way. Such as, You wrote XXXXX, but it would be more descriptive if you wrote it like XXXX.

message 3: by Segilola (new)

Segilola Salami (segilolasalami) | 46 comments Thanks Alexa, you are a superstar

At the moment as it is still a work in progress, it's bound to have minor typos/grammar errors etc as I haven't even read back the beginning. I'm focusing on spilling out the story. So I don't need info on typos for now.

What I need info on is the overall plot. What is your opinion of it? How do the steamy scenes compare with regular erotica by seasoned writers? How can I make it better? Is there any aspect that a lot of people would frown on? For instance, there's usage of drugs that may or may not have led to the main character accessing a parallel world. would most people frown on reading about drugs in the context that it is written? what I was gunning for is the hallucinogenic effects of the drugs opening up neural pathways that activated latent parts of her brain that enabled her to access her other worldly powers.

I am yet to write this part but I am thinking of making it a little bit scary by adding a little bit of voodoo witchcraft spirit magic type things etc etc The main character is thought to be a wicked spirit sent to the world to lure men to their doom. Do you think doing so would add to the story? or should I make it more light hearted?

So basically, just your honest opinion from a readers point of view. If there was an aspect you didn't like, I would like the why and how in your opinion I can make it better.

Hope that's OK? If so, please just drop me a line and I'll reply with the file.

Thanks a lot for your offer, it means a lot to me

message 4: by Alexa (new)

Alexa | 5 comments OK Give me a bit of time to really "read" it and let you know, and I promise not to be a "grammar-nazi".

message 5: by Segilola (new)

Segilola Salami (segilolasalami) | 46 comments ok thanks, just waiting for your email now :D

message 6: by Alexa (new)

Alexa | 5 comments OK I sent it! :-)
Email me if you have any questions!

message 7: by Segilola (new)

Segilola Salami (segilolasalami) | 46 comments thank you, got it

message 8: by Segilola (new)

Segilola Salami (segilolasalami) | 46 comments Anyone else interested?

I have completed the first draft, so would like more feedback on the overall plot and characters

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