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Authors Seeking FREE Betas > First Chapter (around 8k words) of Fantasy Story with Lesbian Main Characters

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message 1: by Vivienne (new)

Vivienne Landers (Vivilanders) | 4 comments Genre: Fantasy

Title: The Bound Mage

Summary: Myrah is a talented seventeen-year-old mage at Tarlon Academy with a troubled past. Captured as a child by rogue mages, Myrah was tortured and her immense magical abilities used to cause havoc and destruction throughout the kingdom of Lanthea during The War of Great Sorrows. Princess Phelamene is the only daughter of the Lanthean king who is sent to Tarlon Academy for her safety during a time of conflict between Lanthea and its neighbors as well as to hone her limited abilities as a mage. When Myrah is assigned to help Phelamene with her magical studies, the two girls immediately clash. Myrah is reluctant to work with a pupil she sees as arrogant and spoiled and Phelamene is furious at having to study underneath someone she considers little more than an unforgivable war criminal. When Tarlon Academy is mysteriously attacked by a band of strange mages one night, the two girls must work together to save not only the school, but also themselves. As Myrah fights to save the only home that she’s ever known, Myrah comes one step closer to discovering the identity of her captors from years ago while Phelamene finds that there is more to Myrah than her past.

What I’m looking for: I would appreciate any comments on the flow of the story and if the characters sound realistic and if you can relate to them. Thanks for taking the time to read this post!


message 2: by Katt (new)

Katt | 9 comments Hi, Vivenne. This sounds exactly like my cup of tea. I have a good eye for flow and characterization. If you'd like, you can send me the chapter by email at kattarcher@gmail.com


message 3: by T (new)

T | 19 comments I would also be up for this. Are you interested in a swap? If so, I could send you a similar length excerpt of my lesbian sci-fi novel. My e-mail is TaylorRiley@live.co.uk :)


message 4: by Vivienne (new)

Vivienne Landers (Vivilanders) | 4 comments Taylor wrote: "I would also be up for this. Are you interested in a swap? If so, I could send you a similar length excerpt of my lesbian sci-fi novel. My e-mail is TaylorRiley@live.co.uk :)"

Sure, a swap sounds good. I can send you mine so that you have my email and then you can send me yours back? :)


message 5: by Vivienne (new)

Vivienne Landers (Vivilanders) | 4 comments Katt wrote: "Hi, Vivenne. This sounds exactly like my cup of tea. I have a good eye for flow and characterization. If you'd like, you can send me the chapter by email at kattarcher@gmail.com"

That sounds good. Thanks, I really appreciate it!


message 6: by Lamorthony (new)

Lamorthony Hurtswarmth (lamorthonyrabeliya) | 2 comments I like the overall plot of this story, but since giving advice is kind of the point, I think that each of the girls should have very close friends. Unless they're independent, of course. Then they might not have super close friends. I really look forward to reading more of your story because fantasy and romance is my thing!


message 7: by Vivienne (new)

Vivienne Landers (Vivilanders) | 4 comments Lamorthony wrote: "I like the overall plot of this story, but since giving advice is kind of the point, I think that each of the girls should have very close friends. Unless they're independent, of course. Then they ..."

Thank you for your input and I do appreciate any advice! The two main characters do have close friends, but I did not include that point in the brief summary. I can send you the first chapter if you're interested in reading more?


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