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message 1: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Sometimes, the news is just plain funny, so maybe we should have a place to link stories that make us laugh and giggle.

I'll start by offering a set of crooks who couldn't possibly have worse luck:

Two gunmen tried to rob a French McDonald’s, but off-duty special forces unit was eating inside


message 2: by Guy (new)

Guy Portman (guyportman) | 348 comments Bad luck for those crooks. They no doubt thought McDonald's was a soft target.


message 3: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Makes one glad that German science is so advanced these days.


boob study


message 4: by Brenda (new)

Brenda Kearns (brendakearns) | 719 comments Jay wrote: "Sometimes, the news is just plain funny, so maybe we should have a place to link stories that make us laugh and giggle.

I'll start by offering a set of crooks who couldn't possibly have worse luck..."


That reminds me of a good one - a few years ago, some guy decided to rob a convenience store near where I lived. What he didn't realize was that the woman behind the cash register was a black belt in Thai kickboxing. She kicked him in the head and knocked him out cold, then called the police. He was sitting up, but too disoriented to stand when they arrived. [insert muffled giggles....]


message 5: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Brenda wrote: "the woman behind the cash register was a black belt in Thai kickboxing. She kicked him in the head and knocked him out cold, then called the police...."

Years ago, we had a similar one. An armed robber waited until the only people in a local 7-11 were the cashier and an old man before entering. Unfortunately for this criminal, the old man was a retired Navy Seal and a hand-to-hand combat instructor. When the police arrived, the robber begged to be arrested to get away from that "old" man.


message 6: by Dave (new)

Dave Agans (daveagans) | 46 comments Jay wrote: "Makes one glad that German science is so advanced these days."
Men only live longer ogling women's breasts if their wives don't catch them doing it.


message 7: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Shiroff | 840 comments Jay wrote: "Makes one glad that German science is so advanced these days."

But what are we women to do? Back in the day when I thought I could handle working in the corporate world, I was an assistant to the President of a University. We were a private school so I had to attend a lot--A LOT--of fundraising events (galas, high teas, etc.). One of our BOT members was a creepy old man who, apparently, needed to exercise his heart muscles because he NEVER looked above my shoulders when I had to speak to him. At one point, (OK, that one point came after a couple glasses of champagne) I got tired of it and literally bent over and stared at his crotch while he spoke.

I figured he'd be offended. I was wrong. He was flattered.

And I didn't exercise my heart at all.


message 8: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Lisa wrote: "But what are we women to do?..."

One of the unfortunate realities of pure science is that they can only report the discovered data. What you do with the results is entirely up to the individual.

Since you've started a "stared at his crotch while he spoke" study...


message 9: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Okay, I understand thieves will likely steal anything of value, but where's the value in this? All I can say is:

No, I didn't believe it either.


message 10: by Brenda (new)

Brenda Kearns (brendakearns) | 719 comments Jay wrote: "Brenda wrote: "the woman behind the cash register was a black belt in Thai kickboxing. She kicked him in the head and knocked him out cold, then called the police...."

Years ago, we had a similar ..."


That's awesome! Thanks for the giggle!


message 11: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Whatever happened to reading tea leaves?

Farmer races pigs to predict EU referendum vote

To Brexit or not to Brexit, that is the...bacon????


message 12: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3512 comments Mod
Jay wrote: "Whatever happened to reading tea leaves?


Farmer races pigs to predict EU referendum vote


To Brexit or not to Brexit, that is the...bacon????"


Since the famous prognosticator, Paul the Octopus, died - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_th... - I guess the rest of the animal kingdom will have to pick up the slack.


message 13: by Melki (last edited Jun 16, 2016 06:15AM) (new)

Melki | 3512 comments Mod
Coming soon to a State Fair near you - Deep-Fried H2O:

http://laughingsquid.com/clever-man-f...


message 14: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
CAUTION Deep-fried Flint Michigan water has caused laboratory mice at the State Cancer Research Center to escape.


message 15: by Thaddeus (new)

Thaddeus White | 14 comments I thought this would be about the Battle of the River Thames:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics...

A flotilla of fishermen (and Nigel Farage) were harangued by Bob Geldof, although the BBC story doesn't seem to have the, er, nautical hand signals Geldof directed towards Farage/the fishermen.

It's a shade Monty Python.


message 16: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Thaddeus wrote: "I thought this would be about the Battle of the River Thames:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics...

A flotilla of fishermen (and Nigel Farage) were harangued by Bob Geldof, ..."


And not a single concessionaire selling chips!


message 17: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3512 comments Mod
Thaddeus wrote: "I thought this would be about the Battle of the River Thames:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics...

A flotilla of fishermen (and Nigel Farage) were harangued by Bob Geldof, ..."


I kind of dissolved into a fit of giggles after reading A handful of dinghies . . . but I'm glad ole Bob is managing to stay . . . relevant.


message 18: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Does this remind anyone of their grandma????


CARJACK


message 19: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3512 comments Mod
Let's have a moment of silence for all that wasted salami . . .

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/a-me...


message 20: by Guy (new)

Guy Portman (guyportman) | 348 comments Jay wrote: "Does this remind anyone of their grandma????


"


A great story Jay.


message 21: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Melki wrote: "Let's have a moment of silence for all that wasted salami . . . "

What? No mustard?


message 22: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
News 02


message 23: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Did you think this election couldn't get any more bizarre?

ANSWER

The Republican Anti-Trump movement isn't waiting for the convention. It's hit the courts with a rather unique lawsuit .

What's next? Or, do we really want to know?


message 24: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
newspaper boffo


message 25: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Wang_Holder_Wedding


message 26: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Five years in prison for recycling soda and water bottles???

Thankfully, the authorities are going to protect us from this horribly, horribly dangerous felon!

Man faces prison after allegedly trying to deposit 10,000 bottles in Michigan


message 27: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Good job, fellows!


camouflage


message 28: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Finally!!

Researchers now know how to make Lazy Rats .

Of course, it does make one wonder who has been lobbying for tax dollars to be spent on an investigation of rodent moods.


message 29: by Brena (new)

Brena Mercer | 617 comments There was a research project in the 70s which determined that rats look thinner wearing black or vertical stripes. Sad but actually true.


message 30: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
The older we get, the happier we are

If true... By now, I should be ecstatic.


message 31: by Brena (new)

Brena Mercer | 617 comments Jay wrote: "
The older we get, the happier we are


If true... By now, I should be ecstatic."


Would that it were true. My life should be rainbows and lollipops by now!


message 32: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3512 comments Mod
Jay wrote: "
The older we get, the happier we are


If true... By now, I should be ecstatic."


Then why are the old people in restaurants always complaining?

Crazy as it sounds, there may be some truth to the article. I'm definitely happier than I was a decade ago. Not sure if that trend will continue. If it doesn't, look for me at Denny's. I'll be the one whining about my Senior Citizen's Omelet.


message 33: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Melki wrote: "Then why are the old people in restaurants always complaining?"

Actually, complaining is great fun if done well.

"Excuse me, waitress, did you forget to mention to the kitchen that I prefer eggs from pampered, happy chickens, because this omelet is definitely from an ISIS refugee chicken. You can tell by the fact that it's still trying to run away."


message 34: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Shiroff | 840 comments Melki wrote: "Jay wrote: "
The older we get, the happier we are
If true... By now, I should be ecstatic."

Then why are the old people in restaurants always complaining?"


Because they no longer care what anybody thinks of them and are sick and tired of "making do." I know that because I asked my kids' great-grandfather that same question ("Why is it we can't find a restaurant to take you to without you complaining?") and that was his answer -- he was 93 and was "done" holding it all in.

I think when I hit that age, if I'm not genuinely happy (which I am now), I want to be like one of the women in the retirement place where Gramps lived. She was the happiest person ever -- always telling wonderful tales about her amazing life. Only later did I learn she was in a perpetual state of dementia and none of it ever happened.


message 35: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Lisa wrote: "...I think when I hit that age, if I'm not genuinely happy (which I am now), I want to be like one of the women in the retirement place where Gramps lived. She was the happiest person ever -- always telling wonderful tales about her amazing life. Only later did I learn she was in a perpetual state of dementia and none of it ever happened."

Years ago, I served in the navy with a rather odd sailor from Kentucky. He told the tallest of tall tales, few of which had a reasonable chance of being true. This usually led to someone calling him a liar, and arguments or fights ensued.

Naturally, my chief was looking for a way to quell possible fights, so I told him to assign 'Kentucky' to my watch section and I would handle it. Frankly, I didn't care if his stories were true or not. They were always amusing and made the time go faster.

Sometimes "wonderful tales about her [or his] amusing life" needn't be true to simply make life more enjoyable. I can certainly think of worse ways to end one's days.


message 36: by Brena (new)

Brena Mercer | 617 comments Brena wrote: "Jay wrote: "
The older we get, the happier we are


If true... By now, I should be ecstatic."

Would that it were true. My life should be rainbows and lollipops by now!"


The grumpy old folks you see are the happier versions of themselves. Most of them were even bigger jerks when they were young. I have been around people of all ages who are rude to service people, and it bothers me a lot.


message 37: by Jay (last edited Aug 25, 2016 03:09PM) (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Brena wrote: "The grumpy old folks you see are the happier versions of themselves. Most of them were even bigger jerks when they were young. I have been around people of all ages who are rude to service people, and it bothers me a lot."

I think rudeness bothers most people.

WARNING: TRUE STORY AHEAD!

When I was in college, my girlfriend worked evenings in a now-defunct department store, somewhat similar to Target. I would join her for her dinner break a couple times each week, bringing her something hot to eat. (Don't get excited, we were broke college students... No prime rib!)

My girlfriend worked in the cash office, and on one visit, she had not yet completed her collections from the registers when I arrived. I walked with her as she made her rounds and we came upon a vilely rude woman loudly berating a young clerk in the toy department. The clerk looked to be about 16, and was almost in tears from this woman's abuse.

Here's what I gathered from listening to this tirade. The woman had purchased a toy. Her child had broken it almost immediately, and the store had no right to put such trash on the market. Worse, the manager had already given this women her money back. She was just venting brimstone on this poor girl because her victim couldn't risk losing her job by responding.

On the other hand, I didn't work in the store. My girlfriend knew me well. She dug her fingernails firmly into my arm, warning me not to get involved. Yeah...not happening.

I waited for the banshee to take a breath between screams and curses, and ever so politely told her, "Well, "lady", your kid would still have the toy if he wasn't such a destructive little bastard."

The young clerk stopped crying and burst out laughing. The banshee turned beet red and headed out the door.

Sometimes, sticky situations practically resolve themselves.


message 38: by Martin (new)

Martin (oldfossil) | 351 comments Mod
Thanks for that.

Martin


message 39: by Martin (new)

Martin (oldfossil) | 351 comments Mod
Jay wrote: "Years ago, I served in the navy with a rather odd sailor from Kentucky. He told the tallest of tall tales, few of which had a reasonable chance of being true. "

I guess that you know "Doctor Dogsbody's Leg" by James Norman Hall (Little Brown 1940; Owl 1998)

Martin
(Fleet Air Arm, 1947-49)


message 40: by Brena (new)

Brena Mercer | 617 comments Jay wrote: "Brena wrote: "The grumpy old folks you see are the happier versions of themselves. Most of them were even bigger jerks when they were young. I have been around people of all ages who are rude to se..."

Good for you. I owned a business and snapped a few times with assholes. I never regretted it.


message 41: by Jay (last edited Aug 25, 2016 05:12PM) (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Martin wrote: "I guess that you know "Doctor Dogsbody's Leg" by James Norman Hall (Little Brown 1940; Owl 1998)"..."

Afraid I don't know that one. The paperback is over $200 on Amazon, so I don't think that edition will make my reading list in this lifetime.

I'll check for other sources though. Thanks, Martin.


message 42: by Martin (last edited Aug 26, 2016 11:09AM) (new)

Martin (oldfossil) | 351 comments Mod
Silly price! I see that Abe books list one at US$ 95 from Jay W. Nelson, Bookseller, IOBA (Austin, MN, U.S.A.) but even that price is unreasonable. Can your local public library get a copy by inter-library loan?

Title correction: Doctor Dogbody's Leg.

I bought my paperback years ago, and sat up too late last night re-reading the first story. It tickles my sense of humour. My copy is priced: " $ 13.00 - $ 17.95 Canada ". Poor old Canadians!

PS added later: I find that some 'pop' musician, a member of the Rolling Stones, declared it to be a favourite of his on BBC radio sometime last year. That triggered a frenzy of buying and all the spare copies sold out, leaving the dealers free to ask ridiculous prices for the few remaining copies. Fans of the Rolling Stones will apparently pay almost anything to own a book favoured by their idols. Hang on a bit. They will be back in the charity shops and thrift stores for a couple of pounds/dollars in a little while.


message 43: by Brena (new)

Brena Mercer | 617 comments Are publishers trying to push us to e-books? They are also pushing their book clubs for discounts. The book clubs have a monthly fee.

If you buy a book at any airport you can sell it back at another airport. They then resale them at a discount. Sometimes they have a lot of recently published books at good prices. (I can't be trolling airports for books all the time, but I often buy used books when I am there.)


message 44: by Brenda (new)

Brenda Kearns (brendakearns) | 719 comments Jay wrote: "Brena wrote: "The grumpy old folks you see are the happier versions of themselves. Most of them were even bigger jerks when they were young. I have been around people of all ages who are rude to se..."

That's awesome - kudos for standing up for that poor kid!


message 45: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Un-FREAKIN'...

Nevermind. Totally believable.


News 03


message 46: by Brena (new)

Brena Mercer | 617 comments Jay wrote: "Un-FREAKIN'...

Nevermind. Totally believable.


"


That is how many people in that area pronounce it. But still...you would think they would make some effort to write it correctly.


message 47: by Brenda (new)

Brenda Kearns (brendakearns) | 719 comments Jay wrote: "Un-FREAKIN'...

Nevermind. Totally believable.


"


Love it!


message 48: by Robert (new)

Robert (robertgilescampbell) Mississippi is a word we use to help us learn to spell in Canada when we are in elementary. When I was a kid at least.


message 49: by Brena (new)

Brena Mercer | 617 comments Robert wrote: "Mississippi is a word we use to help us learn to spell in Canada when we are in elementary. When I was a kid at least."

In elementary school we said, "M I crooked letter crooked letter I crooked letter crooked letter I humpback humpback I." Does anyone else remember learning it that way?


message 50: by Brena (new)

Brena Mercer | 617 comments That was also a time when my second language was pig latin. Does anyone speak pig latin anymore?


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