[I think most women run into issues and confusion in their love lives because they don’t know what a truly healthy relationship looks like, and is supposed to feel like. And it’s not surprising given the very unrealistic portrayals of love in movies, TV, and music. There is this idea that we have one soul mate and that real love stories are supposed to be filled with obstacles and drama. While this makes for good entertainment, it isn’t real life.Most of the love stories we see in pop culture are rooted in infatuation…not real love. Some degree of infatuation is fine, but a relationship entirely rooted in infatuation is usually doomed. It’s usually based on an obsession, or idealization, more than a genuine appreciation and acceptance of who the other person is.There is a tremendous difference between real, true love and unhealthy obsession or fixation… but it doesn’t always feel like that.What do I mean by love and fixation?Well, when you love someone, it is pretty effortless. It is true and pure – you don’t need them to be any certain way. Heck, you don’t even need them to be your boyfriend or lover. You just simply enjoy them as a person and you’re happy with them just being who they are. You don’t need to possess them. You don’t need a title from them. You just love having them in your life and they love being in yours, whether it’s as friends, as lovers, or as life partners.Again, I have to emphasize that it’s effortless and characterized by you just simply enjoying each other. You really “get” each other. You laugh together. You don’t need them, but rather, you just enjoy them.That’s love. That’s compatibility.Fixation, on the other hand, does not feel pleasant. It does not feel good, but it does feel very urgent, very important, and very stressful.When you’re fixated on someone, it feels more like you’re suffocating. It feels like you need them… like you must have them treat you a certain way, give you a certain relationship title, or somehow prove their commitment to you. You feel like until you have this, you are not OK and will not be OK.When you’re fixated on someone, your relationship ceases to be about enjoyment and effortlessness. Instead, it is more like you are gasping for air, desperately hoping they’ll give you whatever it is you think you need from them.Granted, even good relationships have a little bit of fixation mixed in with them (I must emphasize a little bit), but it is only during very occasional occurrences like arguments or when one or both partners are stressed. In general, though, compatible people have very little, if any, fixation in their relationships…People who have good relationships observe how they themselves feel in a relationship with another person (whether it’s a lover, a friend or a co-worker). They observe if their connection to the other person feels like love (good) or obsession (bad). -http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relati...]
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