Twilight (The Twilight Saga, #1) Twilight question

Love or Infatuation?
Chelsey Ortega Chelsey Jun 06, 2016 10:39PM
Bella is first attracted to Edward by his outward appearance (which there is nothing wrong with that, most of us start off that way with our significant other). Then he is able to control her when he "smolders" his eyes. She even loses her though process when she smells him or pays attention to his voice. Everything about him is physical and controlling. So does she actually love him? Or is her human weaknesses to his vampire abilities create an infatuation? If he wasn't a vampire would she have noticed him or treated him like Mike and Tyler?

I think it's both. She's a teenager (hormonal and naive) and she's attracted to this guy (who most people are also attracted to) and then she falls in love with him.

You can't really compare her reaction to him with that of other guys because there's the vampire aspect. Reverse your question: If Mike and Tyler were vampires, would Bella have gone for them?
I think not because she never looked twice at Emmett or Jasper and she saw them first. So it must not have just been the vampire thing.

For most people, there is that first step of infatuation before love. You typically have to be physically attracted to someone to allow yourself to fall in love with them.
It'd be a little odd to fall for someone you found to be repulsive, wouldn't it?

I think in this situation, everything happens quickly because 1) Edward's vampire qualities get her attention that much quicker and create this sort of supernatural fast-forward on the attraction attachment - as they are meant to. And 2) Bella is the type of person to just know when she meets "the one".
All that stuff about her losing her train of thought when he looks at her a certain way - I think that can be chalked up to the vampire stuff. I don't think that would have been enough to hold her interest after the moment if she wasn't in love with him.

It's really not that crazy (vampires aside). I know (and know of) people who have been happily married for decades after only knowing each other for a handful of months before the wedding. It's possible, it's just a gamble most people are unwilling to make.

KarmaSc0rpi0n Bella maybe mature but she's also just as easily influenced by things as other teenagers, just her thing is the Cullen's. As you mentioned before she ...more
Jun 20, 2016 06:04PM · flag
KarmaSc0rpi0n Infatuation may not care but Bella does which means her brain interpreted them as not an option therefore forming no feelings around them which is whe ...more
Jun 20, 2016 06:12PM · flag

KarmaSc0rpi0n (last edited Feb 13, 2017 04:35AM ) Jun 06, 2016 11:21PM   0 votes
I have posted this excerpt from an article about the difference between obsession and love and I'll post it again because it brings up some valid points.

[I think most women run into issues and confusion in their love lives because they don’t know what a truly healthy relationship looks like, and is supposed to feel like. And it’s not surprising given the very unrealistic portrayals of love in movies, TV, and music. There is this idea that we have one soul mate and that real love stories are supposed to be filled with obstacles and drama. While this makes for good entertainment, it isn’t real life.

Most of the love stories we see in pop culture are rooted in infatuation…not real love. Some degree of infatuation is fine, but a relationship entirely rooted in infatuation is usually doomed. It’s usually based on an obsession, or idealization, more than a genuine appreciation and acceptance of who the other person is.

There is a tremendous difference between real, true love and unhealthy obsession or fixation… but it doesn’t always feel like that.

What do I mean by love and fixation?

Well, when you love someone, it is pretty effortless. It is true and pure – you don’t need them to be any certain way. Heck, you don’t even need them to be your boyfriend or lover. You just simply enjoy them as a person and you’re happy with them just being who they are. You don’t need to possess them. You don’t need a title from them. You just love having them in your life and they love being in yours, whether it’s as friends, as lovers, or as life partners.

Again, I have to emphasize that it’s effortless and characterized by you just simply enjoying each other. You really “get” each other. You laugh together. You don’t need them, but rather, you just enjoy them.

That’s love. That’s compatibility.

Fixation, on the other hand, does not feel pleasant. It does not feel good, but it does feel very urgent, very important, and very stressful.

When you’re fixated on someone, it feels more like you’re suffocating. It feels like you need them… like you must have them treat you a certain way, give you a certain relationship title, or somehow prove their commitment to you. You feel like until you have this, you are not OK and will not be OK.

When you’re fixated on someone, your relationship ceases to be about enjoyment and effortlessness. Instead, it is more like you are gasping for air, desperately hoping they’ll give you whatever it is you think you need from them.

Granted, even good relationships have a little bit of fixation mixed in with them (I must emphasize a little bit), but it is only during very occasional occurrences like arguments or when one or both partners are stressed. In general, though, compatible people have very little, if any, fixation in their relationships…

People who have good relationships observe how they themselves feel in a relationship with another person (whether it’s a lover, a friend or a co-worker). They observe if their connection to the other person feels like love (good) or obsession (bad).

I noticed while reading this that most of the traits associated with obsession correlated with Bella and Edward's relationship and very few of their relationship traits correlated with love. So you're correct it's not love it's something far more unhealthy than infatuation because at least with infatuation it can develop somewhere. Obsession has nowhere to go but more extreme or in the hopeful direction of breaking up.

But maybe Edward's vampirism is what makes her obsessed with him, the thing that draws her in, but she was also drawn to Jacob pre-phase. When nothing was supernatural about him. He was the only other person in the book that she genuinely liked spending time with that wasn't related to Edward. But of course she never had that same infatuation with him that she had with Edward.

Edward who apparently is 'tired of staying away from her' and is discovering a whole new set of emotions within himself, plus Bella as pointed out had quite a range of vampires to choose from but is only drawn to Edward. She is also like her father in many ways that I think its why she loves only one person, the way chief Swan has loved Renee and only Renee, so yeah, i do believe its love.
However I cannot overlook that Bella is taking a terribly dark path, some people have difficulty giving up previous habits, dangerous jobs or even friends for someone, but Bella readily gives up her humanity to be with Edward. She may be a teenager with poor decision making but still, that's way crazy. so as much as its love, there is something more, unhealthy, that's at play.
Its hilarious even Bella thinks its pathetic

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