Help with a blurb

[Martin]

This book won't be out for a little bit since we're still editing and all that, but... I've decided to spend more time developing a better blurb than I have before. Would anyone want to bash away at this? It's short, but I figured I'd fill in if needed

****

Love is a pale road, for Death waits at the end.

Bailey, a simple-minded farm fellow, is thrust into a web of deception, betrayal and violence. Tasked with murdering a dangerous warlock, he obligingly follows the voice of a dead man.

When Bailey falls in love, the crafted plan disintegrates. The dead man should have known that trusting the living would be a losing proposition...

[Al]

That seems good to me.

I suggest using as much of the 4,000 character limit as you can. For my Drive, Ride, Repeat book, I use 3,893 words, and include an excerpt from the book. Something I remember from marketing is that customers make an emotional decision as to whether to buy something, and then look for reasons to back it up. If you write a lot in the blurb, perhaps they'll find something that they like, and pull the trigger.

"Love is a pale road, for Death waits at the end."

I like the second part, but I'm not clear on what "a pale road" means. The more I think about it, the more I don't understand it. Do you mean something like "Love's road can be unpleasant, if Death waits at the end."

Again, your text is fine, but just for fun, here's how I might edit it:

Bailey is a simple-minded farmer, caught up in a web of deception, betrayal, and violence. Following instructions from a dead man, he knows he must murder a devious and dangerous warlock.

But when he falls in love, his plan goes to hell. The dead man should have known that trusting the living would be a losing proposition ...

I'm evaluating my own edits, so let me know what you think.

[Martin]

Thanks! I like that spin on it. Will have to play with it... basically I'm trying to say, "love's road is a pale one" or something like that... it does get explained in the book.

I've often thought shorter was better, but I think including a little snippet might be a good idea. Then you're highlighting what they would actually be reading.