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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > please tell me your thoughts on my cover

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message 1: by Brian (last edited Jun 07, 2016 03:59AM) (new)

Brian Cox | 16 comments Below is an cover for a dystopian sci-fi. Please tell me your initial reactions.

 photo cover v1_zpsfhg2rqet.jpg

many thanks
Brian (AKA IM Savage)


message 2: by Serena (new)

Serena James (serenajames) | 14 comments I'm loving the photo! And I love how you've match the type with the colours in the image.

The font itself isn't doing anything for me though. Maybe try to centre it? Also, you've got shadowing for the title but not for your name, which is inconsistent. I think you should just stick with one or the other. In my opinion, the flat type looks better.


message 3: by Hamad (new)

Hamad | 63 comments I have to totally agree with Serena, the image is good and catchy, the title font is acceptabel but not wow, I immediately noticed something off about it, I agree also on Serena's suggestion that you make both flat.


message 4: by Kirmizi (new)

Kirmizi While the image is quite good, the typesetting is not so great.

3-D-ish look and white glow of the title combined with the shadow beneath it are just too much all together.

A more flat typesetting with a more dynamic and less boxy feel would be better, I guess.


message 5: by Martin (last edited Jun 06, 2016 06:12AM) (new)

Martin Rinehart Great cover.

But it was too big for my 24" monitor (2k by 1.2k). Can you post life size?


message 6: by T.R. (new)

T.R. Horne (trhorne) | 4 comments Center the font. Lose the glow and shadow on the title. I'm not crazy about the type of font BUT if it's a sci-fi, futuristic novel, then it portays that image.

The girl seems to be overshadowed by the amount of overhanging machinery. Maybe zooming in closer to her and cutting off more of the top would give the readers a better focus on her.

Hope this helps!


message 7: by Ama (new)

Ama Pomaa (amapomaa) | 7 comments I think your image works. It evokes a sense of despair that I guess is appropriate for the title.


message 8: by Brian (new)

Brian Cox | 16 comments Thank you Serena, Hamad, Kirmizi, Martin, Leticia, and T.R.

Great feedback, and great suggestions. I agree about the title.

I will work on your suggestions and post a new version in a couple of days. Martin, I will make the next version smaller.

I would be happy to provide a free copy of the book to anyone that is interested. I still have at least a months work ahead of me before editing is completed.

cheers and thanks
Brian


message 9: by Linda (new)

Linda Merryman | 11 comments I think the digital look of the type is great for a "virtual" title.


message 10: by L.C. (new)

L.C. Davis | 2 comments I agree with what others have said about the font, but the image itself is great! Text that isn't raised would do its elegance more justice, in my opinion.


message 11: by Brian (new)

Brian Cox | 16 comments Thanks guys

Here are two more versions, taking into account your suggestions. Please let me know which you prefer:

version 2

 photo cover v3_zpsnsiibvpw.jpg

or version 3

 photo cover v2_zps8xcvhkcp.jpg

many thanks
Brian


message 12: by Hamad (new)

Hamad | 63 comments I think the color in version 2 is more related to the title but the 3rd version blends in more efficiently, so I would go with version 3


message 13: by Martin (new)

Martin Rinehart V2. The title stands out.


message 14: by Serena (new)

Serena James (serenajames) | 14 comments Great updates! I think the blue works really well. Like Martin said, it makes the title stand out.

I would centre your name at the bottom - it throws off the direction to me because you've centred the title. I would also be curious to see how the cover looks with the font a few points smaller; but I would keep the title bigger than your name.

And this is totally a design choice, but there are two lines that the picture implies, and my mind draws them too. I would want to see your font a bit more centred (height-wise) within the space. That necessarily requires a change in size, but you might also see how the space allows for greater emphasis on your title purely due to there being more space from the top of the image to the first 'line'.



I hope this helps! Again, this is totally my opinion, so take it with a grain of salt :P


message 15: by Brian (new)

Brian Cox | 16 comments Great feedback, thanks Serena. I will try that and repost in a day or two. Many thanks to Linda, LC, Martin, and Hamid.

cheers
Brian


message 16: by Serena (new)

Serena James (serenajames) | 14 comments Brian wrote: "Great feedback, thanks Serena. I will try that and repost in a day or two. Many thanks to Linda, LC, Martin, and Hamid.

cheers
Brian"


Good luck, and I look forward to seeing the next iteration! I think overall, it's a great concept, so I'm really just nit-picking now.


message 17: by Ann (new)

Ann Swaim (chirpyann) | 83 comments I agree with most of what was said here. I like Serena's suggestion about centering your name.

I don't particularly care for the bright blue. I would maybe go with that shade but a bit less electric. It kind of hurts my eyes with how soft the blue in the pic is. Love the pic, btw :)

I'm partial to different fonts for the title and author name. Only because I can be a bit thick and read the author's name as part of the title when I see the same font for both xD

Anywho, I think you've got some great stuff to work with. Good Luck!


message 18: by Brian (last edited Jun 17, 2016 01:48AM) (new)

Brian Cox | 16 comments Thanks Chirpyreading. I agree about the colour. I have toned it down a notch.

I have also changed the font, to something a bit more in keeping with the picture.


Version 4
 photo cover v4_zps8zcg9lr6.jpg



and version 5
 photo cover v5_zpsm0beuleo.jpg



If no one objects, I would like to add the following to my acknowledgement section:

"Finally, thank you to the following Goodreads people whose feedback helped improve the cover: Serena, Hamad, Kirmizi, Martin, T.R., Leticia, Linda, L.C., and Chirpyreading."

If anyone wants a free copy of my book, just email me and I will send you a copy as soon as its published in a month or two(briancoxconsulting@outlook.com).

Many thanks for your great help.

cheers
Brian


message 19: by Hamad (new)

Hamad | 63 comments Version 4 is EXCELLENT in my opinion
You're always welcome :)


message 20: by Martin (new)

Martin Rinehart Very thoughtful, Brian. Thanks.

4 and 5 both work for me. With either, "Savage" or maybe use small caps for the "avage"?

BTW, how many photos are we looking at?


message 21: by Brian (new)

Brian Cox | 16 comments Hi Martin, small caps would be better, but the font only comes in upper.

I think this should do it now!

Many thanks to everyone's suggestions.

cheers
Brian


message 22: by Ann (new)

Ann Swaim (chirpyann) | 83 comments OMG! Version 4 is fantastic! :) Love the worn font! I think you have a winner.


message 23: by Kirmizi (new)

Kirmizi Version 4 is great :)

Don't go with Version 5 as the title is too close to the upperside of the book. I liked the worn out look of the font, goes well with the picture behind it.


message 24: by Serena (new)

Serena James (serenajames) | 14 comments Brian wrote: "Hi Martin, small caps would be better, but the font only comes in upper.

I think this should do it now!

Many thanks to everyone's suggestions.

cheers
Brian"


Brian, fantastic work! I love the new font and I think the toned-down blue works really well. Congratulations! Cover art can often be the hardest part of the process, but I'd definitely pick this one up.

My preferred cover is option four, mainly because the spacing too tight for me.

If you'd like to acknowledge me, my full name is Serena James. I don't insist on it though, just happy to support a fellow writer!

Best of luck,
S x


message 25: by Ann (new)

Ann Swaim (chirpyann) | 83 comments Ok... so my 11 year old commented on the cover and thought it looked like a mix between HALO and Destiny and that he really wants to read it. That was for Option 4, btw. So it's doing it's job :)

However, he read the title and couldn't pronounce the second word. Is that a typo? xD It should be "Deserted" right? :) It's right in earlier drafts. lol


message 26: by Brian (new)

Brian Cox | 16 comments Thanks everyone. I will add "Serena James".

Well spotted Chirpyreading, that is a typo. Just me hammering the keys too quickly pumping out different versions.

cheers
Brian


message 27: by Stan (new)

Stan Morris (morriss003) | 140 comments I like version 2, but you should double the size of your name.


message 28: by S. (new)

S. McPherson (smcphersonbooks) | 14 comments I'm voting Version 4 :)


message 29: by Haven (new)

Haven (havencage) | 14 comments I love the pic, but agree that the title and name should be centered, however, I like the font and glow.


message 30: by Jim (new)

Jim Carnicelli (jimcarnicelli) | 71 comments Excellent. I liked version 3's title font best.


message 31: by Brian (new)

Brian Cox | 16 comments Thank you everyone. Thank you Stan, S, Haven and Jim. I am going to with version 4.

Please tell me your thoughts on the following blurb. Is it interesting? Would it catch your attention? Is it too brief or pedestrian?


Your future will be virtually deserted. In 2054, two worlds coexist in an uneasy compromise. In one world any desire the human brain can conjure can be sated. It is a virtual digital utopia, individually tailored to the psychological needs of every user. In the other world people must eat, sleep, and defend themselves from the chaos created by an unrestrained descent into digital decadence.

The future is shocking, malevolent, patient… inevitable. The changes are already starting. Are you prepared?


message 32: by Anna (new)

Anna Adler | 26 comments The main paragraph of your blurb is great! It definitely works for me, I get a good idea what the world is like and it got me interested in the story. I started wondering what life is like in a place like that. The mini paragraph at the end I find less effective. Too vague, somehow. Maybe try to say something about the characters instead? What conflict are your characters facing in this world? Who are we rooting for?


message 33: by Brian (last edited Jun 17, 2016 03:24AM) (new)

Brian Cox | 16 comments Great feedback Anna. On reflection I can see you are right. What about this:


Your future will be virtually deserted. In 2054, two worlds coexist in an uneasy compromise. In one world any desire the human brain can conjure can be sated. It is a virtual digital utopia, individually tailored to the psychological needs of every user. In the other world people must eat, sleep, and defend themselves from the chaos created by an unrestrained descent into digital decadence.

As the virtual world teeters towards collapse, its inhabitants discover danger is sharpest on the edge of change. A strong cast of unique characters battle against their own flaws as they try to do the right thing. Bad decisions spiral into worse circumstances until the heroes are flung into an epic battle against the darkest expressions of humanity.

A naïve and coarse young woman barely equipped to survive her own town joins forces with the hardened yet generous young man dying from a curable disease. Their choices bring them into contact with the virtual world’s architects. One architect seeks to destroy his invention, whilst the other uses her immense power and intellect to shore up her crumbling digital dystopia.

Virtually Deserted is a complex and chillingly realistic science fiction. It is an intelligent thriller that will reward readers searching for difference.


message 34: by Anna (new)

Anna Adler | 26 comments I really like where you're going with the blurb! I have two further suggestions: mention also the names of the characters. I personally like getting the names of the characters in blurbs, gives me something more to connect with. :) And the last part sounds a bit like it's from a review. Maybe leave that out?


message 35: by Brian (new)

Brian Cox | 16 comments Thanks Anna

Here is attempt 2!

Your future will be virtually deserted. In 2054, two worlds coexist in an uneasy compromise. In one world any desire the human brain can conjure can be sated. It is a virtual digital utopia, individually tailored to the psychological needs of every user. In the other world people must eat, sleep, and defend themselves from the devastation and chaos created by an unrestrained descent into digital decadence.

As the virtual world teeters towards collapse, its inhabitants discover danger is sharpest on the edge of change. In a misguided bid to save this virtual world, its CEO, Katharine Wilde, makes two poor decisions that unleash a terrible chain of events. First she sends a dangerously unbalanced man on a spy mission to find a mythical Bio-Quantum Computer created by her former mentor. She believes the computers can stop the consequences of her crumbling digital dystopia from spilling into the real world. Secondly, Katharine underestimates a convenient political alliance. She pays a heavy price, along with many others.

In a world ravaged by neglect, a handful of ordinary people are thrust into an unlikely coalition as they try to undo the damage caused by Katharine’s decisions. Powerful forces range against them in what culminates in nothing less than an epic struggle to reclaim humanity’s soul.


message 36: by Ray (new)

Ray Sunn | 19 comments Hmmm I like this last blurb you wrote, it gives faces to the characters and what's at stake.


message 37: by Brian (new)

Brian Cox | 16 comments Thanks Ray


message 38: by Serena (new)

Serena James (serenajames) | 14 comments Hi Brian,

Your last blurb is great! Creates tension, sets up conflict, everything it should be.

I would definitely go with introducing your characters, because they're the ones you're writing about and rooting for, and the ones you want your readers to build an emotional connection with.

Best of luck! It's been fun being able to comment on your work in the final stages!

Serena x


message 39: by Anna (last edited Jun 18, 2016 02:03AM) (new)

Anna Adler | 26 comments Your latest blurb is excellent. We now have an idea about the impending disaster the characters are facing. Very exciting!


message 40: by I.M. (last edited Jan 22, 2017 04:38PM) (new)

I.M. Savage | 3 comments Hi all

The book is now published!

Once again, thanks for your help. I decided to go with a different cover in the end, but your feedback was still very useful.

If you want an obligation-free copy of the book, just email me (imsavage2@outlook.com), and tell me what format you want it in (eg Mobi). Sorry, its only available as an ebook.

Web-NewCoverStratV4-240-400

See https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N35PFH4/

cheers
Brian Cox (AKA I.M. Savage - I set up this new account for the pen-name Savage)


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