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Archived Workshop No New Posts > My book blurb: opinion, suggestions, help, please!

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message 1: by L.W. (last edited Jun 10, 2016 03:49PM) (new)

L.W. Tichy (lwtichy) | 19 comments Hi,
So I posted my blurb previously, I really appreciate all the feedback, and I've since done a lot of reworking and shortening. So any opinions or advice would be appreciated, especially since I'd like to be able to post it to my website soon. Thanks in advanced.

Checkmate (Book Two of the Arrynna Doe Series)

Ryne finally has the answers she always longed for, but she’s starting to discover that the truth may be worse than the lies she used to live; and as anarchy looms over the world of magick, she might just be in more danger than anyone realizes.

Sequestered at the Seelie Court under the watchful eyes of her bodyguards, Ryne struggles to unravel the secrets the Seelie King keeps hidden; secrets that may just be the key to her survival. But as the magick of her fey side emerges, powerful and beyond her control, she finds herself becoming dangerous and unstable. Plagued with nightmares, lost and confused, Ryne finds herself questioning everything, even her own sanity; because prophecy can’t be fought and sometimes fate is inevitable.

Filled with magick, betrayals, and political intrigues, join Ryne as she dives deeper into the world of Faeries and Magick, discovering who she truly is.


message 2: by Annie (new)

Annie Arcane (anniearcane) | 629 comments *waves at Miss L.W.*

Heh. I didn't wanna be the first to give feedback since I totally don't know what I'm doing. But here I am hahaha...haha...ha...

Okay. I feel like it's super long. Of course, I've been obsessively shortening mine into a midget (hope that's not offensive, totally kidding!) so that might have something to do with it. Anyhoo, I hope it's okay that I just tweaked some stuff. Waaay easier than explaining *smirks*

Ryne finally found the answers she had always longed for, but now, she’s starting to discover that the truth may just be worse than the lies.

Sequestered at the Seelie Court, Ryne hasn’t seen Wrathin in months. Her father will not speak to her. She is still an outsider, even amongst her own people. Worse, her fey side is emerging. Her magic grows and Ryne finds herself becoming dangerous and unstable, as she struggles to unravel the secrets her father keeps hidden.

(this transition feels sudden to me *scratches head* for some reason)

Chaos and strife are brewing in the Magickal World...


I'm curious how much background info ("recap") you need for a 2nd book in a series. I'm hoping someone else can chime in because I have zero clue *shrugs*

Oh! And the most intriguing parts for me were...
- Worse, her fey side is emerging.
- But prophecy can't be fought and sometimes fate is inevitable.

Sorry, that's not more helpful, ma'am! Good luck!! :D


message 3: by Lucian (new)

Lucian Bane | 11 comments Annie wrote: "*waves at Miss L.W.*

Heh. I didn't wanna be the first to give feedback since I totally don't know what I'm doing. But here I am hahaha...haha...ha...

Okay. I feel like it's super long. Of course,..."


Hi, just popping in and offering my pence, lol.

I find that this blurb sounds very cliche of this genre. Secrets, powers, lies, truth worse than lies, chaos and strife are brewing.
That's all we know from this.

You NEED to find that difference in your story that makes it stand out and use that


message 4: by E.M. (new)

E.M. Swift-Hook | 41 comments Speaking purely as a reader here, I think it is always going to be that the second and subsequent parts of a single story series will have blurbs that are a bit opaque to someone who has not read the first book. It is also really annoying to read the blurb and find spoilers for the previous volumes out in plain if you have not read them yet.

But hard to avoid both those things without sounding vague and wooly. My own solution is (will be, in fact as my Book 2 is still in final prep for publishing) to make the blurb of subsequent volumes focus on a major new character. But that might be a terrible idea for all I know - or you might not be introducing any major new characters.

All that said, what I really wanted to do was to pick up on one of Annie's points. The line: Prophecy can’t be fought and sometimes fate is inevitable is very good and powerful IMO and therefore might make an awesome header for the blurb. It has a really great 'grab factor' for me at least.


message 5: by L.W. (new)

L.W. Tichy (lwtichy) | 19 comments Annie wrote: "*waves at Miss L.W.*

Heh. I didn't wanna be the first to give feedback since I totally don't know what I'm doing. But here I am hahaha...haha...ha...

Okay. I feel like it's super long. Of course,..."


I know what you mean, I never like being the first to respond to a post. And, yeah, I was worried about the length too ( and that was after I trimmed it down a lot- I'm just to blabby). "But prophecy can't be fought and sometimes fate is inevitable." is one of my favorite parts, it's nice to know that resonated. Thanks so much for the feedback.


message 6: by L.W. (new)

L.W. Tichy (lwtichy) | 19 comments Lucian wrote: "Annie wrote: "*waves at Miss L.W.*

Heh. I didn't wanna be the first to give feedback since I totally don't know what I'm doing. But here I am hahaha...haha...ha...

Okay. I feel like it's super lo..."


Thanks for your pence :) That's a great idea!


message 7: by L.J. (new)

L.J. Burke | 9 comments I hired Bryan Cohen from the Sell More Books podcast. He was reasonable and did a good job.


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