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message 1: by Shannon (new)

Shannon Alder | 17 comments Please fix quote:

Can you change the last sentence to say "sustained" rather than made. ex. Thus, no connection will ever be sustained.

“ Statistically, the majority of ADD relationships fail because after their “hyperfocus courting stage” is over with the couple finds that there is “not” a lot of stimulus seeking hobbies that they have in common that will keep each other connected. While the highly creative ADD spouse drifts off into their dopamine filled projects and obsessions, the non ADD spouse moves into a parental or roommate role . In order for any marriage to survive, you have to be either willing to share the ADD spouse’s focus with other people or projects, and be okay with distance and emotional disconnection, more often than not. Otherwise, you have to be creative enough to become apart of the stimulus driven activity that has captured their mind. ADD is a disorder that can’t be prayed away or organized to attentiveness. Love is not enough. If you want to be at the forefront of their mind, you have to be like them. Otherwise, the road can lead to years of fights and resentment. You’re battling a dopamine deficiency and a easily bored dreamer. No amount of medication will cure this disorder. Management of ADD requires someone special that has the creative “know how” to be apart of their spouse’s focus, and has a real understanding of the disorder. Otherwise, the non ADD partner needs to be someone that has the world’s smallest need list and doesn’t mind being second. Yet, even then, they have to be smart enough to keep track of where their ADD spouse is in their head, so they can help them stay positive. The ADD mind is robbed of dopamine. You can’t keep a person from drinking water. Neither can you keep the ADD mind from going where it needs to go to fix it’s chemical imbalance. There are many wonderful things about being married to a person with ADD---the creativity, the sensitivity, the loving nature, the talents and intuitiveness. However, they have a dark side of sensitivity that can cause a lot of drama. In addition, you can’t keep them from their talents or desires. These individuals are very right brained and are born gifted with their own unique talents. You almost have to be on that level to make a deep enough connection for a lasting marriage. Otherwise, the ADD spouse will stay out of loyalty or fear of the unknown because of the years of mental abuse a lot of them have had to endure from feeling different. Thus, no connection will ever be made and marriage becomes two strangers under the same roof coping.


message 2: by Mary (new)

Mary | 15 comments done

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