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Writer's Circle > Blurb for a fantasy love story

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message 1: by Martin (new)

Martin Gibbs I'm completing a fantasy love story/romance; it is the first time I've stepped into these waters, and I'm at a point where I'd need a nice blurb. I think it's best to just post it, without any background, so it can be critiqued fully. Thank you!:

Is love blind, or just a beast of convenience?

The heart can be a dangerous navigator: Leading us down paths of uncertainty, fear, doubt. But it also brings us soaring joy and sun-filled meadows.

Bailey is a simple man in a dangerous, magic-filled world. He finds himself entwined in a conspiracy of love, deception, betrayal, and triumph. Led by the voices of the dead, he embarks on a journey to save a child from destruction. His journey takes him deep within his heart’s darkened rooms, and tests his physical mettle.

Can he survive the elements and himself? Will the one he loves betray him when he needs her most? Or can he rise above the dead and the living and save the life of a man he has never met?

message 2: by Jack (new)

Jack Knapp | 778 comments Mod
Martin, I've read any number of blurbs like this. While others will likely see it different, I tend to read what the author/you wrote and finish by saying "sure he can."
And not read the book. Even freebies like that are not something I download.
I try to make my blurbs more suggestive and more open; one ends by saying something like
"putting someone in a position like that is probably not the best idea..." And leaving it to the prospective reader to finish the thought, hopefully by wondering why that's the case.
The worst part of your blurb, IMO? It sounds like so many others!
Criticism offered for one reason: you want to sell books, and if this helps you write a better blurb, that's great.
I tend to spend more time on the blurb, because I think that's what sells a book; a cover is frequently too small to show much detail, especially on e-mailers such as those that feature free or reduced price books. So a cover, large print title, small print author name (until we become bestselling authors!), and the best blurb I can write; that's my best advice. It's what I do.

message 3: by Martin (new)

Martin Gibbs I greatly appreciate your feedback, and the time you took to offer it. You make very valid points, and as I read my blurb again, I could see how generic it sounded.

What about something like:

Love is a pale road, for Death waits at the end.

Bailey, a simple-minded farm fellow, is thrust into a web of deception, betrayal and violence. Tasked with murdering a dangerous warlock, he obligingly follows the voice of a dead man.

When Bailey falls in love, the crafted plan disintegrates. The dead man should have known that trusting the living would be a losing proposition...

message 4: by Jack (new)

Jack Knapp | 778 comments Mod
Better, still not right. IMO.
How about:
Bailey, a simple farmer, has been tasked by a dead man to murder a dangerous warlock. What, you didn't know the dead can communicate with the living? Read on.
Bailey's life has now become complicated; he's fallen in love.
As for the dead man, trusting the living to do what you want can be problematic...
If you like it, permission is hereby granted to use it or modify it as you see fit.

message 5: by Martin (new)

Martin Gibbs Yes! Thank you... I think that can work. I'll tweak a little, maybe add in some excerpts from the book as well, below the main blurb.

message 6: by Jack (new)

Jack Knapp | 778 comments Mod
Good luck, Martin!

message 7: by Laura (new)

Laura | 21 comments Nice collaboration!
Laura Hedgecock

message 8: by Helen (new)

Helen | 23 comments I like your opening question, Martin.(Is love blind, or just a beast of convenience?) It sets up the romance angle, and you need that if you're going to market this as a romance. As a romance writer and reader, the modified version of your blurb in message #3, while a better hook, doesn't convey romance to me. It conveys an action/adventure paranormal. Unless the dead man is Bailey's love interest, the emphasis is on the adventure.

message 9: by S. (new)

S. Rivera (sjacksonrivera) | 28 comments Jack wrote: "Better, still not right. IMO.
How about:
Bailey, a simple farmer, has been tasked by a dead man to murder a dangerous warlock. What, you didn't know the dead can communicate with the living? Read o..."

Do you hire out? ha ha Writing Blurbs is something I'll never be able to do.

message 10: by Jack (new)

Jack Knapp | 778 comments Mod
No, but I'm always willing to help a fellow writer (AKA ink-stained wretch, at least figuratively).
If you feel you MUST repay, hey, buy a book! They're cheap, and the only one not listed at $2.99 will be as soon as Amazon lets me drop the price in about two weeks.
Seriously, I'm always glad to help out so long as I have the time. You can list particulars here about what your book is about so I (possibly others here) will have something to work with.
Genre? Characters, and their challenge/influence on the book? Those are beginnings.
My personal preference is NOT to leave a potential reader with too much information; if he/she can answer yes or no, they've got more plot information than they need. Instead, press their curiosity button.
Look at the blurbs for my books (Amazon) and you'll see what I mean.
This is, of course, subjective; the other way is to look at dozens of other blurbs, see what THOSE writers said.

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