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Authors Seeking FREE Betas > Nine Chapters/Urban Fantasy novel

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message 1: by Kimberley (last edited May 04, 2014 12:41PM) (new)

Kimberley (kjrhyne) | 3 comments I need a read through to check for inconsistencies in story progression and tense. My main concern right now is the flow. The novel is set in the early to mid-90's so any time inconsistencies, mentioning things that don't exist yet, or something like that needs to be flagged. The story is set first person/past tense, and follows the journey of a seventeen year old girl who has lived her life believing she is utterly mediocre, only to discover that is very much not the case. The nine chapters in question span the first part of the novel, it is 119,653 words. I am looking for honest feedback. Synopsis:

I thought I knew what life was all about. You live, you die. Destined for mediocrity, I would never see anything more than the edge of town. That was until I met Kain. That’s when everything changed, I suppose Poe said it best; dream within a dream.

Plagued by dreams of blood and death, I have spent my whole life knowing that there was something more to my life than the dead end job Julia seemed so keen to stuff me into and shortly after ease dropping on a dangerous conversation at the local night club, I was plunged into a realm I never knew existed, nine of them, to be exact. Where magick and monsters were real and Buffy would have been very interested to learn that the deal with the wooden stake wouldn’t work on real vampires, who could just waltz into my house all willy-nilly.

I’m getting off track, that’s not what this story is about, no- that is what this story is about. But I’m just telling it wrong. Alright deep breath Deia, I mean, it’s not every day a girl finds out she’s the Greater Element Earth reborn after a five-thousand year nap and charged by the Great Spirit to save the nine realms using a necklace so powerful it might kill me if I tried to use it, right?

I think you should know though, before we get started, that I just wanted to go to Stanford.

message 2: by Raven (new)

Raven Honeycutt (raven_nevermore) | 12 comments I would like to read this for you and give you some honest feedback.


message 3: by Kimberley (new)

Kimberley (kjrhyne) | 3 comments Raven wrote: "I would like to read this for you and give you some honest feedback.


Thank you, Raven, I have sent the forwarded attachment.

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