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Poetry > Where did the child go?

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message 1: by [deleted user] (new)

Never tried to write a poem before, I put it together really quickly!
Please give positive, constructive feedback!




When I was small I danced, I sang, I loved without a care.
I was not afraid to love or fail, I just always gave it my all.
I had so many questions, and I would not rest until I found their answers.
I saw so many wonders in this world!
To many to count them all.
I loved to act, and I played the part
as though there was no one there.
But above it all my stories stayed closest to me, I would never abandon them somewhere.

What happened to that small, bright child?

When I got older life changed in ways I could never forget.
As it changed so did I, the dancer fell, the singer cried, and the actor died.
Even after all that I had been through, there is nothing I now regret.
These bits of life are the ones that have shaped who I am the most.
Though the others had left, the writer stayed, she would never become another ghost.

Still I ask myself, what happened to that child?

Now as a teen I have lost even more,
But I have gained more that I can ever say.
My life has change, is totally new.
All I can do is give it my all and hope and love, and pray.
I have found friends that are showing me the way,
They will help the dancer to her feet, and dry the singers tears.
They will stay close to me and frighten away my fears.
And even in my writing they will be strong characters to me.
My friends make up my new story.

The child was sleeping, she never left, and never will.


message 2: by Dana (new)

Dana (danachewy) | 735 comments Hey Christina! I must say, this is excellent for your first poem!! However, I think that every line doesn't necessarily have to be "line" (as in, every line doesn't necessarily have to have closure, or a comma/period).
for example, i felt that
"All I can do is give it my all and hope and love, and pray" could be better expressed as
"All I can do is
give it my all and hope and
love, and pray"
or some other way to "break it up" and keep it from being slightly monotonous.

I love love love the topic, though, and I love this line in particular: "Now as a teen I have lost even more, / But I have gained more that I can ever say."

However, there are also some small grammatical/spelling errors, so please do watch out for that! <3


message 3: by [deleted user] (new)

Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it!
I will be careful to edit!


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