Writer's Advice and Feedback Group discussion

Work with a writing buddy > Lura & Iesha

Comments Showing 1-26 of 26 (26 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

Iesha (In east shade house at...) (emberblue) | 150 comments Alright so I suggest the limit of words we do is 800 words per post. As for the topic, I like to just write and go along with whatever.

message 3: by Lura (new)

Lura (luraj2612) | 113 comments Sounds good. I have a feeling we'll end up with some kind of fantasy... ^_-

Can you start? (I'm going to be catching up in CoM and R&L for a bit.)

message 4: by Iesha (In east shade house at...) (last edited May 01, 2014 05:10PM) (new)

Iesha (In east shade house at...) (emberblue) | 150 comments It may be late, bad weather here and so phone keeps losing connection

message 5: by Lura (new)

Lura (luraj2612) | 113 comments That's fine. I have a lot of catching up to do. o.O

message 6: by Iesha (In east shade house at...) (last edited Sep 17, 2014 10:09PM) (new)

Iesha (In east shade house at...) (emberblue) | 150 comments (If you don't like it let me know so I can change it.)

Word count: 804


The microwave closed shut with a loud bang. Jasmine Walflower stood in front of the microwave in her blue Eeyore pajama bottoms and top. Her waist long, brown hair in a messy over her shoulders as she keys in the sixty seconds into the microwave pad to warm up day old eggs. Sleep still clouded her oval shaped green eyes. Just don't mention this to the Dealer. Her eyes widen at the memory of the alluring voice which had whispered into her ear. A cold chill ran down her spine as she remembers the heat she had felt from the man which stood closely behind her the other night. Her eyes drifting closed as she tried in vain to not return to those memories of that night.

She had been walking toward her car from her late workout lessons at the Exercise Gym. It was her final workout of nights, and so she had decided to help put up the equipments when closing time came around. As she had walked out into the parking lot, she reached into her bag to grab her keys. Before she knew anything, she was being attacked three men. Unlike the movies, she noted, none of them were wearing black. In fact, she could see all of their faces clearly. None of which she could remember now however. The men pushed her up against her car, and had started to make advances on her. Jasmine remembers praying to an unknown god for help.

As if on cue, another shows up and well he saved her from those men. At least, she had written it off as saving despite the mystery that surrounded the whole scene. Jasmine remembers the deep, attractive voice of the man telling the others to release her, and that she wasn’t one of them. One of who? Jasmine remembers wondering. The three men had done what was asked of them, however. Once they had released her, Jasmine remembers that she stood trembling slightly as she allowed her eyes to take in the scene.

“They won't hurt you. “Jasmine remembers the man saying. “Not without my word” He approached her, and drew her closer to him in one simple pull on his part. She would have fought, but something about him made her frozen in place. It was at this moment that she had really gotten a better view of her saver. Dark hair which reminded her of the night, deep blue eyes which held some hidden meaning, and the most gorgeous smile that seem to hold a secret in which Jasmine just couldn’t figure out. Why couldn’t I move-fight-scream? Do something other than just stand there! “This night never happened, Jasmine. You must remember that” His voice was sulky to my panicky mind. It was as if Jasmine had been drinking. At of a sudden, her mind felt dizzy and her legs felt like jelly-o, yet the man in front of her was smirking. She noticed his deep blue eyes gazing at her-as if they had been staring into her soul.”Why are you doing to me?” She remembered asking. He answered “Just don’t mention this to the Dealer” Jasmine remembers nodding her head, and then as if like smoke, the group of men were gone. After five minutes of just standing there, Jasmine climbed into her car to go home. What else could she do? And the thought of being attacked again did nothing but made her frightened.

Those eyes. They held no emotion once so ever.. She thought back in a dreamily sort of way. Just then, the bold eggs exploded into the microwaves causing Jasmine to jump a few feet in the air. “O god!” She muttered as reality returned to her first priority. Quickly, she pulled the microwave door open, and grabbed the plate out. She had forgotten that the plate was hot, and ended up dropping the plate. “Shit” She muttered as she stepped back out of the way of the fallen plate. “My roommate is going to kill me for this. It was one of her favorite too” College life had became bearable for Jasmine Walflower after she was able to move off campus and into an apartment in which she paid half rent. Having been in college for about two years now, Jasmine was finally coming into accepting the fact that she could live out on her own without having to rely on her parents for help.

Picking up the broken plate, and cleaning up her mess, Jasmine threw the mess into a nearby trash can, and decided to settle for a glass of juice. She had early classes anyway, and she really needed to get ready for them, despite the fact that they were online classes. Walking into the living room, she drops down onto the black sofa, and pulled her laptop into her lap.

message 7: by Lura (new)

Lura (luraj2612) | 113 comments ((I like it. It's good, though it could use some edits, but that's not remotely the point of this exercise. ^_-

It will probably be Wednesday, or maybe Thursday, before I can add to this. But I'll think on it when I can, so I should have a few ideas when I do write my bit.))

Iesha (In east shade house at...) (emberblue) | 150 comments (I'll work on editing it while you are away:))

message 9: by Lura (new)

Lura (luraj2612) | 113 comments (( ^_^ ))

message 10: by Lura (last edited Jun 26, 2014 03:18PM) (new)

Lura (luraj2612) | 113 comments ((Word count: 844))

She took a sip of juice while she waited for her laptop to boot up. Once it did, she launched the web browser. There. Ready for class to start.


"How the hell did you idiots make that mistake? A human for Christ's sake! She's a human. Not a demon. Can you idiots not tell the difference between a sweaty human girl and a succubus? I trained you better than that!" Quinn's eyes flashed bright cobalt in anger. He closed them and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes again they were back to their normal shade of blue. This was the second day in a row he'd tried to have this same talk with these three men. Yesterday, taking a deep breath had only made him angrier as he'd breathed in the scent of their fear.

Sometimes - okay, most times - it sucked to be the son of Satan. At least his mother had been human.

There were some advantages to being a half-demon: enhanced strength and speed, regeneration, crazy good eyesight. Oh, yeah, magic. That was definitely an advantage. Then there were those things that could be either blessing - as when he'd caught the scent of that cute little human girl the other night - or curse - like yesterday with these three bumbling fools. It would be nice to be able to turn off the super sensitive hearing and equally sensitive sense of smell.

The other night, though, he could have kissed his father. His sense of smell had led him to her. Just in time, too. These three idiots... well, he'd rather not think about what they might have done to her had he not been there. They knew enough to sense her magic, to see her aura, but not enough to tell a human-born mage from a demon.

Anyone could be trained to see auras. Most humans have dim auras of whatever color. Mages have brighter auras - almost neon bright while, or just after, spell casting. Then there are demons. Their auras are always that almost neon bright. So the mistake was understandable, to an extent.

"I told you all to watch your target for a few minutes..."

"But she was going to get away!"

"Shut up, James! As I was saying, watch your target for a few minutes before going in for the attack. If the aura dims, it's a mage; if not, then have a blast." Yet again, his thoughts returned to that girl. She had been terrified. Did she even know she was a mage? Maybe not, given her obvious confusion when he mentioned the Dealer. Speaking of whom, he needed to pay the man a visit. See if he knew anything about that girl. He really needed to stop thinking about her, no matter how good she'd smelled that night or how much of a temptation those full lips had been. Not to mention that hot little body.

Well, fuck. Now he had a new mental image to purge. Or complete. He knew which he'd prefer.

Unfortunately, this job wouldn't allow for that. He had to stay focused.

After all, Atlanta depended on him. He - and those he trained - were all that stood between his city and Hell. There were at least two succubi in the city already; they were always the first, Satan's scouts as it were. They would weaken the people of the city to the point of defenselessness, leaving it ripe for invasion. Then takeover.

And there was no way Daddy dearest would stop with just the one city.

"All right. Go get some sleep. Be back here at five sharp." He had planned to say more, but he'd managed to distract himself from the things he'd planned to say by thinking about her. Yeah, he had to do something about that. He couldn't afford to be distracted, not by a woman, not by anything.

Easier said than done.


Three hours later, unable to sleep, Quinn was on his way to pay a visit to the Dealer. He almost made it there, too.

Just half a mile away, on the outskirts of the University of Georgia campus, he stopped at a traffic light. Who should walk right in front of his car? Her. The girl with the hot body and incredible scent. And nearly invisible aura. What the ever-loving hell? How had a mage, and an inexperienced one at that, managed to suppress her aura so much? He - with his decades of experience - hadn't even known such a thing was possible.

"Fuck," he whispered. So much for his planned visit. The Dealer could wait. He had a mystery to solve. And what a cute little mystery she was.

He kicked himself mentally. He had no business being attracted to her, or to any human for that matter. He would not even chance fathering yet another demonblood; this world had too many of them as it was. He included himself in that group, of course. His demon blood was among the strongest on earth.

Iesha (In east shade house at...) (emberblue) | 150 comments (I really need to get my piece up>.> I'll see if I can have it up tomorrow night)

message 12: by Lura (new)

Lura (luraj2612) | 113 comments ((No worries. It took me forever too. Sorry I didn't reply sooner; I missed your post while on vacation!))

Iesha (In east shade house at...) (emberblue) | 150 comments (That's cool:) )

message 14: by Lura (new)

Lura (luraj2612) | 113 comments ((Hey. You up to working on this again? ^_^ )))

Iesha (In east shade house at...) (emberblue) | 150 comments (Yep, I'll make this my writing for tonight)

message 16: by Lura (new)

Lura (luraj2612) | 113 comments ((Cool. ^_^ ))

Iesha (In east shade house at...) (emberblue) | 150 comments (Word Count 821)

The overhead light turned red, signaling for bystanders to cross. Jasmine quickly made her way across the walkway. The morning had turned sour for the college girl with the crash of her laptop. Dressing quickly, she hurried out the door, only to duck back inside for a change in clothes. For the past few days, the weather had been pretty nice, but today the temperature had quickly dropped. I guess that is my signal for an early winter. Quickly changing into something a bit warmer, Jasmine once again steps out the door. Obviously, time was not her friend today nor luck for that matter.

The bus which would have taking her straight to the university has just pulled away from the curve as Jasmine quickened her pace along the sidewalk. This was the one thing she dislike the most about the city: buses will leave on time. Stopping, she shouted after the fleeing bus in some hopeless attempt to make the bus turn around. The school’s library. The thought came effortlessly to her wounded ego. Her morning had resulted with a shocking surprise: a computer crash. After having the laptop for over ten years now, Jasmine hasn’t expected the thing to crash. Being rather careful with the laptop in its old years, she was sure her piece of laptop had more life inside. However, things had not pan out the way she had hoped.

I could still catch the city bus! Yea, that’s it. The city bus ran every thirty minutes. Checking her cell phone, she only had fifteen minutes to run down three blocks to catch the bus. This was her only chance, she knew. With a little over a week to complete a research paper, the library was her only hope now. Pulling her hair back into a ponytail and dropping her phone into her backpack, Jasmine prepares herself to sprint down the street. Running was something that seem to be second nature to her. Whenever she ran, she felt so full of energy that made her feel that she could run for hours on end.

Once she was ready, Jasmine kicked off into a fast run. Darting around pairs of individuals, she never pauses to stop. This how thing was with Jasmine. Her running had earned her a full scholarship to attend the University of Georgia. However, she chose not to pursue a career at running track. Instead, she headed in the direction of science. While she loved tracked, she had this deep passion for chemistry. Her grades were pretty high enough to earn her a good scholarship into the chemistry program at the university, much to her coach’s dissatisfaction.

Reaching the end of the three blocks, Jasmine came to a stop. Her breathing was not as heavy for one whom had been running for three blocks straight without stopping. The only thing that stood in her way now was an intersect. Tapping her feet impatiently, Jasmine watches the dark lady, whom light will signal for her to cross over to the other side, where the bus station waited. “Come on, please come on” The city bus had not arrived yet, but Jasmine wasn’t going to take any chances of being late again.

The light changes. She quickly made her way onto the street. Walking quickly, she set her focus on the bus station. As she passed the many cars which waited for the light, an unease feeling rose from her stomach. Just as she came to crossing Quinn’s car, her eyes seemed to be draw toward the driver’s seat of the car. For a brief second, her eyes meet with a pair of blue ones. Those eyes…seem so familiarIn that one meeting of the eyes, times seem to cease. She had not noticed that she had continued to walk onward. Her feet were taking slow steps as if someone else was controlling them. She had not heard the shouts from onlookers, whom stood at the bus station. She had not heard the scratchy noises from wheel turning sharply. Tearing her gaze from the pair of alluring eyes, her eyes managed to take in the next few sights in front of her as if she was watching a film.

The city bus was sliding, on its side, directly toward her. She had seen the bus dropped to its side as if something had pushed it over. Just so happen, no cars had been in front of the bus. Therefore, Jasmine was the very thing that seems to be standing between the coming bus and the cars behind her. Out the corner of the eye, she now saw the bystanders whom shouts of panic remained silent against her ears. The bus slides closer. Her head turned slowly to the driver, whom eyes seemed to capture hers for just a second. Her lips seemed too moved without her giving them permission. However, she was sure they pronounced the words: Save me.

Iesha (In east shade house at...) (emberblue) | 150 comments (I feel like I need to redo this post. I was debating rather to add the action in or stick to an realistic approach.)

message 19: by Lura (new)

Lura (luraj2612) | 113 comments ((It's fine. Redo it if you want to; I'm not going to get to it tonight. I'm barely staying awake as it is and it's only a bit after 9 pm! Probably because I only slept about 3 hours last night.))

Iesha (In east shade house at...) (emberblue) | 150 comments (Cool. I'll work on this)

Iesha (In east shade house at...) (emberblue) | 150 comments Hey Lura sorry to keep you waiting thus long for my other two scenarios. My computer hasn't been very cooperative lately, and I haven't been able to get much done. (including writing. >.> I think I may not participate in the contests I was going to for October due to this), but I'm suppose to get a new one. I've decided to go with a HP desktop. Hopefully I'll be up and running for November, but no promised. :/

message 22: by Lura (new)

Lura (luraj2612) | 113 comments Did you redo the post above? If not, are you still going to do so or should I go ahead and post something?

Iesha (In east shade house at...) (emberblue) | 150 comments (Yes, it's on my computer. No, I don't want you to have to rewrite)

message 24: by Lura (new)

Lura (luraj2612) | 113 comments (Just to be sure I'm understanding you correctly, I can go ahead and post? Once I actually get something written, of course. ^_-)

Iesha (In east shade house at...) (emberblue) | 150 comments (Nope, I'm going to post two other scenarios before you post, if you don't mind. :) Unless you just want to post 0.0)

message 26: by Lura (new)

Lura (luraj2612) | 113 comments (Nah, I can wait. ^_^ )

back to top