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Mar—All About Love (2016) > Romantic Love

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message 1: by Kressel (last edited Mar 07, 2016 11:15AM) (new)

Kressel Housman | 436 comments I know we've got a thread for quoting, and even though all the chapters deserve their own threads, I wanted to start one about romantic love, which most people define as the most powerful form of love. In my life, though, parental love has been the strongest - not as a daughter, but as a mother.

It's one of my pet peeves that movies make such a big deal over romantic love, even though I adored that sort of thing when I was younger. Just as an example, in the movie adaptation of The Book Thief, Liesel's final goodbye is to Rudy by kissing his corpse on the mouth, but in the book, she spends the most time crying over Hans' body, and the book states that he's the one she loved best, which is how it should be. Seriously, is a thirteen-year-old girl likely to be that romantically attached?

So here's a question. bell hooks said that many people are cynics about romantic love. I am, and I think it's a direct result of having been very romantic when I was younger. I wondered if others find this to be true: the more romantic in youth, the more cynical later on.


message 2: by Aglaea (new)

Aglaea | 987 comments Great topic!

Personally I'd have a hard time if a partner were to choose me over our kids (both hypothetical still). They are his offspring whereas I'm just the mother, who could end up an ex eventually. The same way I view a mother's love as unconditional, never-ending, and complete.

For this reason it also stuns me a bit to hear women call their wedding day the biggest day of their life, even though kids are already in the picture.

Romantic love is nice, but people change or end up divorced even, and so I'll never put all my eggs in one basket again, (Hrm, that has triple meaning when I start counting :D ) but will make sure to take care of myself, too.

I hope people will write many responses, as the topic interests me!


message 3: by [deleted user] (last edited Mar 07, 2016 01:09PM) (new)

Romantic love can exist only if you deal with difficult circumstances. That's pretty much the lesson novels and other stories teach us, and I agree.

As long as one's life is simple, monotone, "happy", any kind of romantic love is faked.

Romantic love arises from the will to keep that person next to you despite of all the difficulties you have to bear. And it has to be reciprocal, of course.

So, yes, most "romantic loves" are just cynicism.

Nevertheless, romantic love has nothing to do with parental love. I find the single (hypothetical) idea of putting my wife's life over my offspring's aberrant. But when you have children, romantic love is meant to strengthen parental love and vice versa, not to make both kinds of love confront each other, so I can't really see the problem there.


message 4: by Kressel (new)

Kressel Housman | 436 comments Leo wrote: "But when you have children, romantic love is meant to strengthen parental love and vice versa, not to make both kinds of love confront each other"

I never meant to pit one against the other. I simply meant that the media, and mostly movies, make a big deal of romantic love, but in my life, I've found parental love to be much stronger.


message 5: by [deleted user] (new)

Kressel wrote: "Leo wrote: "But when you have children, romantic love is meant to strengthen parental love and vice versa, not to make both kinds of love confront each other"

I never meant to pit one against the ..."


Sure, I didn't mean to contradict you. It was just a general statement. Nevertheless, maybe if you consider my definition of romantic love correct, you'll understand why you don't see romantic love as a big deal.


message 6: by Aglaea (new)

Aglaea | 987 comments Kressel wrote: "Leo wrote: "But when you have children, romantic love is meant to strengthen parental love and vice versa, not to make both kinds of love confront each other"

I never meant to pit one against the ..."


Actually this is a sidetrack worth exploring.

Trigger warning: sexual abuse of children where the mother doesn't believe the child, but trusts the male (father, step-, partner) more. How screwed up is that!


message 7: by S. K. (new)

S. K. Pentecost | 63 comments Did somebody mention cynicism? In The Moral Animal: Why We Are the Way We Are: The New Science of Evolutionary Psychology, the theory that love of any sort is a chemical reaction, selected as a survival strategy, is brought up and supported with some burgeoning science.

Fraternal love is compared between marmots and soldiers in convincing detail. In situations where we have a sibling, or have come to think of a person as a sibling, we are more likely to commit the ultimate sacrifice if it means our sibling might survive to carry at least some of our common genes into the next generation.

I don't remember the comparisons of romantic or parental love in that book, but I've seen a lot of science over recent years that posits that humans only need romantic love chemicals to work long enough for a couple of offspring to get to walking on their own two feet age, so that parents can cooperate long enough to increase the likelihood of their offspring's survival. But that the parental love chemicals are much stronger and last much longer because each offspring is carrying fully one half of our genetic code into the next generation.

And for the cynic's piece de resistance, many recent studies have pointed to the fact that couples without children are happier than couples with children - thru all stages of life. I'm just a layman, but I'd bet a real live evolutionary psychologist would explain that result as the two different love chemical cocktails, romantic and parental, not having to get in each other's way.

Come on... It's not that bad being a robot. Now if only natural selection had found a way to program the first of Asimov's Three Laws into us.


message 8: by [deleted user] (last edited Mar 07, 2016 02:03PM) (new)

S. K. wrote: "Did somebody mention cynicism? In The Moral Animal: Why We Are the Way We Are: The New Science of Evolutionary Psychology, the theory that love of any sort is a chemical reaction, sel..."

Of course we are robots. It's just that we're astonishingly complex robots. But nature is not cynical. Just cruel. Cynicism is to pretend to have those chemical reactions inside of you when you don't.


message 9: by S. K. (new)

S. K. Pentecost | 63 comments Leo wrote: "Cynicism is to pretend to have those chemical reactions inside of you when you don't."

A very cogent point.

I come from a self destructively honest people. Sometimes I forget that pretending love is even possible in real life.


message 10: by S. K. (new)

S. K. Pentecost | 63 comments Aglaea wrote: "Trigger warning: sexual abuse of children where the mother doesn't believe the child, but trusts the male (father, step-, partner) more. How screwed up is that! "

Trigger warning: growing up one generation removed from that very situation taught me why the Hebrew god counseled the Israelites to kill every Amalekite, even their children. Because if you hurt someone's mom (thru action of the father, or the inaction of the mother,) and then leave them alive to stew about it, vengeance will be visited upon you.


message 11: by Kressel (new)

Kressel Housman | 436 comments If love is just a chemical reaction in the brain, then so is every other emotion, so we'll get better results by being loving toward one another than by inflicting pain and fear.

Also, as strong as genetic ties are, it's certainly possible to develop love for someone when they're not there. I'm thinking specifically of nurses caring for elderly residents in nursing homes, but perhaps the same is true of adoptive parents or even babysitters. Repeated practice of care-giving probably stimulates paths in the brain just like practicing sports does.

I've decided I'm not a romantic cynic after all. I'm a romantic skeptic.


message 12: by Caroline (new)

Caroline Gabe (cmgabe) | 23 comments I am a fairly new mother (my kids are 1 and 3) and just recently realized that I am just now learning to show love and be loved through my kids.

I love my husband and he loves me, but (due to a dysfunctional childhood) it is much more difficult to show my love, to love "unconditionally", to be comfortable in my romantic love. I have always been pretty cynical about romantic love. I have never seen it; only infatuation and/or dysfunctional attachments. Much like what is discussed in the book, I don't have any concrete experiences to draw from. While I want to make the changes and be able to show my love for my husband, I never figured it out...that is, until I had kids. They have helped me to better love my significant other.

As a mother...although I also don't have the strong example to draw from...I make the conscious decision to strive for the love, the unconditional/unattached/functional love, that I did not have. I am not perfect, but I strive to make the change. It feels more important and more of a connection than any romance could (or should) give.


message 13: by Kressel (new)

Kressel Housman | 436 comments Caroline wrote: "I am a fairly new mother (my kids are 1 and 3) and just recently realized that I am just now learning to show love and be loved through my kids. I love my husband and he loves me, but (due to a d..."

Hello, young mother! Good luck to you! As the mother of teenagers, I've got to say that one of the biggest things you can teach your kids is to accept NO for an answer. My sister used to say to her kids, "You get what you get and you don't get upset." That ties in with the point hooks makes in the chapter on childhood: teaching your kids to clean up after their messes goes a long way toward teaching them discipline.


message 14: by Aglaea (new)

Aglaea | 987 comments These past few comments make me think about the definition of love. I think it's easy to confuse "being in love" (as in "I recently fell in love") with "love" (as in "I love you, ten years ago, today, and when we die").

"Love" requires small sacrifices every day or we might as well remain single. But when we feel the total sum of being a couple resembles 1+1=3 rather than 1+1=2, it might be the moment we discuss with couples, who have stayed together happily for 40-50 year or longer. Somehow they grasped how to maintain that balance between giving and receiving, which is an amazing feat. My parents claim they have a race each day who gets to say "I love you" first. They seem to win and lose 50/50 :)


message 15: by Kressel (new)

Kressel Housman | 436 comments Your parents are blessed. I don't know many couples who can boast that much affection after their kids are adults.


message 16: by Aglaea (new)

Aglaea | 987 comments Kressel wrote: "Your parents are blessed. I don't know many couples who can boast that much affection after their kids are adults."

Indeed they are. They don't ask for much, but find happiness elsewhere than materialism.


message 17: by [deleted user] (new)

Aglaea wrote: "Kressel wrote: "Your parents are blessed. I don't know many couples who can boast that much affection after their kids are adults."

Indeed they are. They don't ask for much, but find happiness els..."


Is that possible? Being happy without owning stuff? Wow I didn't know that!


message 18: by Aglaea (new)

Aglaea | 987 comments Leo wrote: "Aglaea wrote: "Kressel wrote: "Your parents are blessed. I don't know many couples who can boast that much affection after their kids are adults."

Indeed they are. They don't ask for much, but fin..."


Of course they have stuff, but their life doesn't revolve around acquiring more all the time. They have what they need and do other things like eat well and experience culture events etc.


message 19: by [deleted user] (new)

Aglaea wrote: "Leo wrote: "Aglaea wrote: "Kressel wrote: "Your parents are blessed. I don't know many couples who can boast that much affection after their kids are adults."

Indeed they are. They don't ask for m..."


No... Still not getting it.... But don't they need to be richer and richer every day? Watching how zeros are added into their bank accounts? How's that possible! Those zeros are the reason we live!


message 20: by Aglaea (new)

Aglaea | 987 comments Leo wrote: "Aglaea wrote: "Leo wrote: "Aglaea wrote: "Kressel wrote: "Your parents are blessed. I don't know many couples who can boast that much affection after their kids are adults."

Indeed they are. They ..."


Yeah yeah :P We get it, people want moar moar moar all the time. I don't. Shocking isn't it. I hate shopping save a few specific categories of things, and even then I just want to downsize and get rid of (net amount).


message 21: by [deleted user] (new)

Aglaea wrote: "Leo wrote: "Aglaea wrote: "Leo wrote: "Aglaea wrote: "Kressel wrote: "Your parents are blessed. I don't know many couples who can boast that much affection after their kids are adults."

Indeed the..."


But why!? Look at this one! He's the boss of bosses! The second richest person on Earth! How can't you desire to be like him? I don't understand, seriously. Everybody admires him, we all buy his products, it's just not possible that he's doing anything wrong. You and your parents should reconsider your value system Aglaea...

http://www.forbes.com/sites/andersona...


message 22: by Aglaea (new)

Aglaea | 987 comments Leo wrote: "Aglaea wrote: "Leo wrote: "Aglaea wrote: "Leo wrote: "Aglaea wrote: "Kressel wrote: "Your parents are blessed. I don't know many couples who can boast that much affection after their kids are adult..."

Go talk about consumerism in another thread, Leo. Shoo. This one's for love.


message 23: by [deleted user] (new)

Aglaea wrote: "Leo wrote: "Aglaea wrote: "Leo wrote: "Aglaea wrote: "Leo wrote: "Aglaea wrote: "Kressel wrote: "Your parents are blessed. I don't know many couples who can boast that much affection after their ki..."

I love stuff! Can't I?


message 24: by [deleted user] (new)

Romantically, in fact. It's a platonic thing, you wouldn't understand...


message 25: by Terena (new)

Terena Scott | 14 comments A few years ago my daughter said, "I'm lucky. Lots of people love me." Her statement made me feel that I had done a good job as a mom. She's now 20 and still feels loved and supported. Isn't that what we all need?


message 26: by Aglaea (new)

Aglaea | 987 comments Leo wrote: "Romantically, in fact. It's a platonic thing, you wouldn't understand..."

If you're serious, try us. Maybe someone will understand you.


Terena wrote: "A few years ago my daughter said, "I'm lucky. Lots of people love me." Her statement made me feel that I had done a good job as a mom. She's now 20 and still feels loved and supported. Isn't that what we all need?"

It seems to get lost in a lot of other things. People focus quite a bit on their careers, self-improvement, being "busy", etc. so amidst all that I wouldn't take it for granted that all children are cared for, even when they have so-called socio-economic privilege.

But yes, I think everyday luxury today is spending time with people we care about. Isn't it sad to have to call it luxury, as were it a commodity? When we are online, we miss out in real life, and vice versa. Can't have it all but gotta try, right. Something has got to give, though.


message 27: by Kressel (new)

Kressel Housman | 436 comments Terena wrote: "A few years ago my daughter said, "I'm lucky. Lots of people love me." Her statement made me feel that I had done a good job as a mom. She's now 20 and still feels loved and supported. Isn't that what we all need?"

Absolutely. You and she are both blessed.


message 28: by [deleted user] (new)

I believe in love. I belive that love is one of these intangible feelings that can make the world a better place. However, I don't think that we all should strive to only experience romantic love. These are so many forms of love: friendship, sibling, parent, however most of media seems to focus on romantic love. I find it really upsetting when people including those participating in the event assume that it is always romantic love when a man and a woman spend time together.


message 29: by Deedi (new)

Deedi Brown (DeediReads) (deedireads) I think that cynicism toward romantic love because of romantic whims in childhood is a direct result of the patriarchal structure bell hooks talks about so much. As young girls we are taught to desire certain types of devoted attention and professions from partner (read: as in romance novels and rom-coms), and young men are taught to be and exact in exactly the opposite way in order to be manly. It's no wonder that is emotionally exhausting and it's no wonder women often feel disenchanted.


message 30: by Kressel (last edited Mar 10, 2016 12:47PM) (new)

Kressel Housman | 436 comments I'm in the middle of a really fun book about the making of the film of Breakfast at Tiffany's. It's called Fifth Avenue, 5 A.M.: Audrey Hepburn, Breakfast at Tiffany's, and the Dawn of the Modern Woman. In order to film, Audrey left behind her husband Mel Ferrar and their newborn son. Presumably the author did his research to come up with the following:

"She had to stop all this worrying. She had to forget about her fights with Mel, whom she missed as much as she was glad to be without. It wasn't something Audrey had put words to, even privately to herself but she was certainly beginning to feel it. Was it really true love? Or was it grown-up love, the kind they don't make movies about?"

It's a funny quote because I see the grown-up love that doesn't make it to the movies as the true love.

It sort of begs the question as to whether actors fall for their own acts. Here's my source that they do: when Lauren Bacall met Humphrey Bogart, she was a less experienced actress and less experienced in the world at large. So when he asked her out and such, her agent told her, "He's not in love with you. He's in love with the character you're playing. It happens all the time. Now, be a professional."

I draw this conclusion from, "It happens all the time." Bogey and Bacall were the real deal. Married twelve years until he died.


message 31: by Agustin (new)

Agustin | 223 comments I'm 22 years old, and as someone who's never been a romantic person, I'm each day more and more cynical about romantic love. The only time I had a girlfriend in my whole life (three years ago) she broke up with me because I was, according to her and my friends and relatives, too cold. I never felt comfortable being hands with hands with her, or kissing her, or any other thing couples do. I never fell in love with anyone, just mere crushes.

In my opinion, there are way more powerful ways of love than the romantic one: like the paternal love, siblings love... hell, even your love for your pet! But that's just my opinion, I may be wrong.


message 32: by LJ (new)

LJ | 1 comments I think what most movies would have you believe is romantic love is really more just the infatuation stage. It's intense and all consuming, but it will change. I've been married for 12 years and I have two children (3 and 7), and I know my love for my husband has changed over the years. It isn't as intense (or frankly selfish) anymore, but it really is stronger and more solid now. We've gone through so much in our lives together (finishing school, being poor, paying off debts, and of course parenthood) that our love is part of a commitment as partners and best friends to stay together. I don't feel the way I did 17 years ago when we first met (and I wanted to be having sex with him literally all the time), but I do still wake up feeling incredibly lucky. He is still very sexy, but I also just have so much more respect for him now than I did then. I know and understand him more. My parental love for my children is sometimes overwhelming, but it feels more like instinct. Of course, I will always act to protect and comfort them. I don't feel that I have any choice not to. Those desires are so strong and automatic. Likewise, the day they were born was amazing, and I felt more love for them than I ever could have imagined possible, but then it too felt natural/instinctual. The day I married my husband was the day I made the most important choice in my life. It's the fact that I made that choice and that we keep making the choice to be together that makes our love feel so significant.


message 33: by Kressel (new)

Kressel Housman | 436 comments You sound like one smart and blessed woman.


message 34: by Kressel (new)

Kressel Housman | 436 comments Emma wrote: "older teens and 20-year-olds tend to idealize familial love (even as they move out and lose some of that proximity to family)"

So funny you should say that because my son of about that age can't wait to leave home, and that was the age when I made my biggest romantic mistakes.


message 35: by Paula (new)

Paula | 45 comments I think I used to be cynical about love, growing up I didn't have much romantic love in my life, but I still believe in my heart that there is such a thing as romantic love. It's out there you just have to work at it. It's not always going to be easy, but I want that kind of connection with someone.


message 36: by Tadej (new)

Tadej Brunšek (tad3j) | 145 comments Every relationship starts with a crush, which takes from 6-12 months, with people having a crush (or being in love, if you prefer) for the first time, up to a few years.

When we first time experience a crush (being in love), we believe that this was love, but this is not true. We were only in state when we lost our objectivism and agree with more claims, even the one that we won't accept as normal, feel more optimistic, our stomach just want to explode out of butterflies, and generally do things that our character won't even come close under normal functioning (not having crush). This is first state of relationship and has nothing to do with real love. This is the state that our mind is using to fool us, about the attributes of a person that we fall in love with. Everyone knows that we cannot have a crush on everyone, but at some certain people. This is because our subconscious recognise the opposite character of our own. To us this seems like we have found our dream partner. The subconscious then stopped oppose to our conscious, and that is the feeling that we feel, when we are in love or having a crush. This also means that we can be in love with opposite character, but only under impact of all the chemistry hormones that are released when we find a suitable character, and explains why we cannot have a crush with friends that we hang out a lot (not exclusively). The friends thinks the same as we and therefore our subconscious does not recognise someone suitable.

The biggest lie, that we believe on the first place here is, that this feeling was created with person that steps in our life. But this is not true. This feeling was generated only in ourselves. Because we have a "anima" about our ideal partner, those "anima" now maps to this person that we are in love with. Suddenly we see him as a perfect person, there is no problem with acnes or teeth, we easily overcome any defect or any imperfection, because our mind believes only in anima. This is our own greatest lie on all the planet. But because every human character (subconscious + conscious) prefers hanging out with the same character, we are now having a crush (are in love), with the opposite character. This is because only imperfection can make perfection and this is why merging two totally different characters together, can create true love.

But for merging two opposite world, we have to have a lot of self respect, self accepting, self promotion, should not wear any masks and I just started. The same goes for the partner that we are in love with. The problem of course today is, that we have a lot of expectations, meanings, ideals, norms, what is wrong and what is right. The globalism of information only help us, to determine what is "in this world acceptable and what is not". Let say for example: girl, who loves Apple brand, is hardly to see using Android device. When she falls in love with boy who uses Android device, she easily overcome her own meaning about cell phones. But when crush starts to fade, she sees more and more, the real picture of the boy she falls in love with. Then some day she say to him, that he has changed, that he behave different, that has different taste, and so on. The problem here is, that she changed. Her crush started to fade after a few months and everything that she has meaning about, not matter what this is - car, fashion, how to be dressed, how to look, how to behave, what religion to believe, how should nails look, what type of shoes she love, if she tries to experience "the love" feelings that are represented in movies and any of her millions meanings that she created in her life - everything creates fight between subconscious and conscious in her own mind. This feels as nothing has anymore any value, she feels empty inside, no music, nothing has any feeling anymore. This is called depression. Depression is opposite psychological state of being in love (having a crush).

Being in love (having a crush), starts first time that we saw the person, but we don't yet see her / him as a "perfect person". The meaning that we have about everything in our life and we hardly accept different meanings contribute to power of those feeling, when we are in love (having a crush). The more we enthronement our meanings, believes and perception that it should be as we see it, the more powerful will be the feeling to someone else in state of being in love (having a crush). Thereby, when we will return to our normal state after a few months, this goes the same for power of depression that we will feel. The individual that accepts himself, understand that nobody is perfect, that ideals that our modern world has convinced us what everything should we have, how should we behave, that we should do the same as goes for majority of others, are not our own, but some common acceptable rules, the one will more easy accept the inequality and difference. The individual that accepts and do not judge others by its own world, does not create masks on him, he can always listen to everyone and never will get deviant feeling about others. He understand that everyone lives in his own world and everyone has his own opinions about the world. When we talk about the same thing, everyone has it's own meaning, but to us only seems that we talk about the same thing. The perfection is in accepting imperfection and equality in accepting inequality.

True love can also begin without being in love (having a crush). It can be so spontaneous. The most true love that we today experience is motherly love to his child. This role starts with accepting himself because this is what we see in the child. The more acceptable the parents are, the more will they go well with their children. But this test parents get, when their children starts to grow up - around puberty, when he or she starts to think with his own head. True love therefore can exist between two totally different worlds (persons), which on the first place accept himself and on the second place accept each other - without a masks!

Romantic love is therefore the feelings, that we feel when we are having a crush. This means that we experience something that our partner prepared for us. And because of all those feelings inside, we "explain" such action as romantic. The feelings that we have when we watch romantic movies are only expectations, which we should not expect in real life!


message 37: by Eduardo (new)

Eduardo Henrique | 6 comments Aglaea wrote: "Great topic!

Personally I'd have a hard time if a partner were to choose me over our kids (both hypothetical still). They are his offspring whereas I'm just the mother, who could end up an ex even..."


I think that it cannot be put into a rule. If we accept, as bell smartly says, that, for example, caring and charity is not natural to womem, but an act of will and a choice, than I won't think that every mother loves her children, and, unfortunelly, examples of that, are abundant: some days ago I was in a bus stop and a mother was texting messages on her cell as her beautiful little girl, not past five, was happilly hiding and running behind some people who were there; angry because her daughter was not quiet and still while she was on facebook, the mother furiously grabbed her hair and pulled her back, lifting her up by the arm and spanking her in the legs. I felt we all in the bus-stop wanted to act, but knew the child would pay later at home for our interference. I really felt just like taking that girl away with me in the next bus. If mother's love was that universal there wouldn't be such scenes, and that's why I'm more into the idea that all kinds of love has a potential for growth. Love for our children obviously has many ways of nurturance, just like mother-love, friend-love, romantic-love (the real thing), pet-love and any-love does. It's like all relationships are flowers: some kinds will naturally develop stronger, other will be the strongest if you commit yourself a little to it and others will be wonderful if you really put a great effort to it.


message 38: by Eduardo (new)

Eduardo Henrique | 6 comments Raizel wrote: "I completely go with the parental love as something very strong. I experienced love as being a mother probably the deepest. I am very happily married, but my love as a mother is something which I c..."

I believe the ideal romantic love is a construction. Our inability to love, and no idea of how it is in fact, lead us to view it like that: an absent image


message 39: by Eduardo (last edited Mar 24, 2016 08:34AM) (new)

Eduardo Henrique | 6 comments Kressel wrote: "If love is just a chemical reaction in the brain, then so is every other emotion, so we'll get better results by being loving toward one another than by inflicting pain and fear.

Also, as strong ..."


I'm totally with you, Kressel. I'm a huge lover of science (in fact, that made me very skeptic about religion years ago and lead me to my "inreligious" state of today), and know our genetic writing defines a lot in our lives, but i cannot deny the larger amount of things our choices and acts define. I cannot help but think how esterile and boring it would be our reality if we were such ortodox robots who mate just to make offsprings and live only by natural instinct. It's our choices, good and bad (choices of love included), that bring with them a true power of change and renovation


message 40: by Eduardo (new)

Eduardo Henrique | 6 comments Caroline wrote: "I am a fairly new mother (my kids are 1 and 3) and just recently realized that I am just now learning to show love and be loved through my kids.

I love my husband and he loves me, but (due to a d..."


Hello and good luck, Caroline! Your quote is really inspiring and your children nursuring your love within others gives me hope of a world where love is like a fabric where every woof spreads this feeling to the neighbour ones. Wishing you all the best!


message 41: by Eduardo (new)

Eduardo Henrique | 6 comments Aglaea wrote: "These past few comments make me think about the definition of love. I think it's easy to confuse "being in love" (as in "I recently fell in love") with "love" (as in "I love you, ten years ago, tod..."

Your parents are so lovely! They bring out a new definition to "growing up together"


message 42: by Eduardo (last edited Mar 24, 2016 08:43AM) (new)

Eduardo Henrique | 6 comments Anja wrote: "I believe in love. I belive that love is one of these intangible feelings that can make the world a better place. However, I don't think that we all should strive to only experience romantic love. ..."

Anja, you took the words out of my mouth: there's a massive culture selling the idea that only one kind of love matters when we have such a fruitful tree of love right by our feet. Your point with "the event assume that it is always romantic love when a man and a woman spend time together" translated my life: I had always had more female friends than boys and it's ridiculous how many stranger or (worse) people close to me think there is a "hidden meaning" or we are on a date. When you limit your mind and heart to only one kind of affection that's really sad


message 43: by Aglaea (new)

Aglaea | 987 comments Eduardo wrote: "Aglaea wrote: "Great topic!

Personally I'd have a hard time if a partner were to choose me over our kids (both hypothetical still). They are his offspring whereas I'm just the mother, who could en..."


I didn't mean to state it as a rule, sorry if it sounded that way. I'm aware that many have such problems that they frankly make really bad parents and are unable to support their children in a loving and healthy manner, which in itself is interesting to explore in another thread

(why should everyone procreate, why is the only acceptable way to have children, why are we allowed to ask rude questions and shame those who wish no offspring, why isn't it better to let people who know they would make bad parents remain childfree by choice, etc.),

but if we are speaking ideals, I still think what I wrote above about a parent's love for a child being stronger than for the partner.


message 44: by MeerderWörter (new)

MeerderWörter | 2388 comments I would say I'm the opposite. I'm cynic of familial love, and positive of romantic love /friendship.

It's not easy to be a loner.


message 45: by Iván (new)

Iván Viñas | 25 comments Kressel wrote: "I know we've got a thread for quoting, and even though all the chapters deserve their own threads, I wanted to start one about romantic love, which most people define as the most powerful form of l..."

Not really, I'e always been very romantic. Like very day dreaming romantic guy, since before highschool to now. I've been in love many times and had my heart broken and as the Smiths songs go "though i walk home alone, my faith in love is still devout".


message 46: by Gerd (new)

Gerd | 428 comments Interesting question.
I'm still very romantic when it comes to love.
Not that it ever worked out for me, but I'm sure it did and does for others.

So yeah, I'm a firm believer in romantic love and plan to continue doing so when I've become a grumpy old man... actually, I am a grumpy old man, a romantic grumpy old man.


Iván wrote: "Kressel wrote: "I've been in love many times and had my heart broken and as the Smiths songs go "though i walk home alone, my faith in love is still devout"."

Love that. :)


MeerderWörter wrote: "I would say I'm the opposite. I'm cynic of familial love,"

Not sure where I stand there, must be nice to have and I guess I'm always a bit envious of those that manage to maintain it.


message 47: by MeerderWörter (new)

MeerderWörter | 2388 comments Gerd wrote: "
MeerderWörter wrote: "I would say I'm the opposite. I'm cynic of familial love,"

Not sure where I stand there, must be nice to have and I guess I'm always a bit envious of those that manage to maintain it. "


Believe me, you wouldn't want to be in my position.


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