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Journals Archived > My Stories Not Over Yet.....(Queens Rambles)

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message 1: by [deleted user] (last edited Mar 07, 2016 03:46AM) (new)



This picture will be a reminder to me that I am the author of my life...and the choice is mine to continue on the story...Just pause for a minute, breathe, now continue on...

Of late soo many people are telling me to start up a journal of my journey...to me this sounds weird bc writing stuff down doesn't solve anything but maybe just maybe it will help with finding an escape for all my crazy emotions....

Please bare with me...bc my thoughts and feelings are so muddled and messed up its a miracle i'm actually still here today...life has been a hell hole especially the last 5 years...just a continual dark tunnel where there is no escape no light no guidance. The feeling of always being alone even when ur surrounded by people who say they care but you no they dont give a dahmn....That feeling of continual invisibility and never being good enough...am i worthy? No I'm not...I fail everyday and will never be worthy!

I can't erase it anymore, it follows me everywhere I go
It's like a mask that I don't want to wear anymore
I think I've found a way to let it go but it's still too soon to know for sure
I'd give everything I am to just feel somethin'

Can you feel that?

Scream when the pressure breaks, me when it's too hard to see
When I feel like I'm at the end of my rope one more time
Scream when the fire burns me, when it's hard to break free
When I feel like I'm standin' on the edge of it all this time

I can't suppress it anymore, here it comes like a flood just like before
When it rains it pours and I don't want to swim anymore
I think I've found a way to let it go
I don't know I've never felt this way before
But with everything I am I just let go

Can you feel that?

Scream when the pressure breaks me, when it's too hard to see
When I feel like I'm at the end of my rope one more time
Scream when the fire burns me, when it's hard to break free
When I feel like I'm standin' on the edge of it all this time

It's not a joke, I've felt as mess up as you do
I've felt the feelings you've been feeling
Been through the same things you've been through

And I know how hard it is to feel like you're all alone
We've all been given a second chance
But the choice is all our own

Scream when the pressure breaks me, when it's too hard to see
When I feel like I'm at the end of my rope one more time
Scream when the fire burns me, when it's hard to break free
When I feel like I'm standin' on the edge of it all this time
Standin' on the edge of it all this time
Standin' on the edge of it all this time


But for now I'm alive and I'm still fighting....My Story will continue...


- I am sure no one will bother reading this...Why would u? But u can
-I am sure that once u start reading this you will most likely leave...thats what everyone does sooner or later...But u can


message 2: by [deleted user] (new)

It's a new day a new choice a new beginning

I used to hate it when people told me this bc it's not true! U can't have new beginnings it is what it is...yeah u can change it but u can't ever begin it again!!

Why does life suck sooo much??


message 3: by [deleted user] (new)

It feels like I'm stuck out in the middle of nowhere with no clue what to do...stuck in this sinking sand that only ever drags me down!!

No one can see me no one can hear me and no one cares!!! I'm alone and I want it to end!!! To make the pain stop both mental and physical!!!

Suffering 5 years with constant severe pain...will it never end?? No it won't... the Drs don't think they can do much and yet I'm going in for major back surgery...I'm terrified that it's going to get worse I'm soo scared...but things still keep getting thrown at me..WHY GOD??

I can't deal with it anymore.... please just make it all stop!!!!


message 4: by [deleted user] (new)

I don't no if I want to continue my story anymore...I'm soo tired of trying...of dealing with everything...

This journal isn't helping it's just proving how messed up i am inside and I hate it!


I’m addicted to the madness
I’m a daughter of the sadness
I’ve been here too many times before
Been abandoned and I’m scared now
I can’t handle another fall out
I’m fragile, just washed upon the shore

They forget me, don’t see me
When they love me, they leave me

I admit I’m in and out of my head
Don’t listen to a single word I’ve said
Just hear me out before you run away
‘Cause I can’t take this pain
No, I can’t take this pain


message 5: by [deleted user] (new)

Six thoughts at once I can't focus on one
Seven days a week but my life has just begun
So caught in emotion and I'm overcome
As I'm falling down I come undone

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong
Sometimes I feel so frail so small
Sometimes I feel vulnerable
Sometimes I feel a little fragile


message 6: by [deleted user] (new)

Why do I have soo many issues??

I learnt today that I'm severely underweight!
Current weight: 48kgs
Height: just over 5ft11
I should b weighing 65kgs according to my dr although I think that seems a bit far fetched...either way none of my clothes fit, I feel SO very stressed out and my anxiety is running rampant! I hate my life!


message 7: by [deleted user] (last edited Mar 15, 2016 08:56PM) (new)

Well there we go I never expected to make it to 22 but here I still am...Alive and breathing...in the physical sense...not so much mentally.


message 8: by [deleted user] (new)

Well I just randomly fainted today...which was scary bc I was by myself usually when it happens someone's there...not this time...one minute I was making myself a cup of coffee and next minute cold sweats and extreme nausea and dizziness then I woke up on the floor...it was hard getting back up bc each time I moved id go to pass out again...I had to crawl to my room to get to my bed...it was just the worst thing! Then I got the worst shakes that lasted most of the day...

I really am not having a good run!!

So on top of feeling dizzy and nauseous my back is killing me and my nerve pain is skyrocketing!!


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