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Writing Feedback > Raevyn's Writing

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message 1: by [deleted user] (new)

...


message 2: by [deleted user] (new)

I have an essay/letter to post in a while.


message 3: by [deleted user] (new)

Nevermind about the previous post.
Instead, I wrote a poem about the Rapture. It's called "Countdown to Judgement".
Ten...nine...
a world draped in sin and hate.
Eight...seven...
God is coming. He won't wait.
six...five...
When the trumpet blares that day--
four...three...
Will you leave God, or will you stay?
two...
Coming like a thief in the night,
One...
At the end, will you see Heaven's light?
Zero.


message 4: by Anne (new)

Anne Caitlin (annebcaitlin) | 74 comments Nice! That's awesome!!!


message 5: by Lena, Shot through the heart, and you're to blame (new)

Lena (lenakarynn) | 1526 comments Mod
Great poem, Raevyn!! I love the format!


message 6: by [deleted user] (new)

Lena wrote: "Great poem, Raevyn!! I love the format!"

Ashley wrote: "Nice! That's awesome!!!"

Thanks. :)


message 7: by Raechel (new)

Raechel Lenore (vikinglady10) | 98 comments That's very good!


message 8: by [deleted user] (new)

:)


message 9: by Lavay (new)

Lavay Byrd | 73 comments Wow!


message 10: by [deleted user] (new)

Thanks. :) I don't usually write rhyming poems, so I'm glad this one is getting a good response!


message 11: by [deleted user] (last edited Nov 22, 2016 07:27AM) (new)

Hey, everyone! I'm on a different account, but I'm 'reclaiming' this thread. I'll post some free-verse poetry soon.


message 12: by [deleted user] (new)

Moon
Like a large, freshly-cut diamond,
The moon is at its height in the heavens.
Gradually, it becomes less and yet more—
Until it resembles a barely-opened eye,
Squinting at the night.
And then the eye closes,
And nothing’s there at all
For a while,
Until it begins again.


message 13: by [deleted user] (new)

Humanity
When will we redeem ourselves?
When will we learn to get along?
When will this commercialism, racism, ableism, hate—
When will it stop?
I wonder all this as I look at the world,
But I have no answers.
It’s so easy to give in to despair,
To become like the bitter masses.
But wait!
Here it comes:
A random act of kindness,
A helper,
A caring stranger.
And I come to know that,
Though we still live in a corrupt and broken world,
Maybe there’s still some hope.


message 14: by [deleted user] (new)

Perfectionist
They are not better than me
(Or so I tell myself).
My talents are as good as theirs
(I still feel inferior).
They’re my intellectual equal, but they’re not a threat
(I could be their friend, if I wasn’t so competitive)
I’ve got to stop judging people, got to stop judging myself.
(Is it possible?)


message 15: by [deleted user] (new)

I had to write a speech. This version is edited for privacy:
AR is bad
Good afternoon, [name of my school] English Department. I think most of you know me. My name is Raevyn [my last name] and I’m here to address the topic of Accelerated Reader’s place in the curriculum.
In my opinion, AR has no place at any grade, in any classroom, of any skill level. It’s a disgrace and it destroys, yes, destroys many a student’s desire to read. First of all, according to a respectable blog called Gifted Guru, AR teaches children that reading is extrinsically rewarding, rather than intrinsically rewarding. In other words, while reading should be fun on its own, AR, its point system, and any prizes a school may attach to those points can teach children that reading only has value when there is something else to look forward to afterwards.
Second, according to Pennington Publishing, the database of available quizzes is extremely narrow. This sends a message that only well-known books are worthwhile, and obscure, old, out-of-print books are ‘bad’ because you don’t get points for reading them. Would any hospital function if the doctors only received a pay check for treating common ailments? Imagine if a doctor said this: “You’ve got a broken leg, so I can help you. Oh, you have an acoustic neuroma. That’s treatable, but my boss won’t pay me to help you because it’s not in the database. Sorry, buddy.”
You may think that AR is the only way to get kids to read, and I can understand that not every child will naturally gravitate towards a book, but there are effective alternatives to the insipid quizzes. Donalyn Miller makes a case for sustained silent reading, a tactic in which children have time for free, nonacademic reading set aside during the school day, in The Book Whisperer, and Jim Trelease’s treatise on reading aloud, aptly titled The Read-Aloud Handbook, has gone through seven or eight editions.
In conclusion, I despise AR with a fiery passion for many good reasons. Please, for the sake of your students, for the sake of their futures, for the sake of literature, don’t use this program.
Thanks for listening, ladies. I hope you’re willing to consider the points I made tonight.


message 16: by [deleted user] (new)

PS: It's not really going to the English department. We had to 'know our audience' to write the speeches.


message 17: by [deleted user] (new)

Why Zebras Have Stripes: A Myth for Children
Very long ago, when the oldest person on Earth was little more than a baby, a huge herd of wild, white zebras roamed the African savannah. They were happy and they were free, but they had one problem. These zebras were very vain! Now, as we all know, a little dirt won’t harm anyone, but the zebras hated how it dusted their ivory fur, and so they stayed as clean as they could.
A lion lived on the plains, too. He stalked the zebras from a distance. “I will eat one of those zebras for breakfast!” he said to himself.
They heard the lion coming and panicked.
“What can we do?” wailed one.
“I know,” said another. “Let’s hide in the grass.”
So they did.
“I CAN SEE YOU,” roared the lion. “YOUR WHITE FUR STANDS OUT AGAINST THE BROWN WEEDS.” Then he chased them around for a while.
All the zebras managed to escape, but it was a close call.
“My beautiful fur is streaked with mud. This is horrible,” one complained, and the others agreed. They were about to travel to the watering hole to bathe when there was a growl in the distance.
“Do you hear that?”
“What?”
“It sounds like a cheetah.”
“A cheetah! But that’s our worst enemy. The cheetah is even worse than the lion.”
They stood absolutely still.
The cheetah came closer and closer. Soon, she was so close that she could have touched the zebras with her paw. And yet, she did not attack.
“I thought for sure there were some zebras around here,” she said. “I was wrong, I guess.” Finally, she left.
The herd looked at each other, confused.
“I know why this happened,” said the wise elder. “The mud on our fur blends in with the grass. If we keep it on, our kind will be safe forever.”
That’s exactly what they did; to this day, the zebras have black streaks on their white fur.


message 18: by [deleted user] (new)

They’re spiraling down,
Into addiction—
It’s not to drugs or gambling,
But it still causes friction.
They’re trapped in a maze
Of phones and games,
They’re losing themselves;
They should all be ashamed.
I can’t help but wonder,
Will I be next?
Excuse me a moment—
I just got a text.


message 19: by Anne (new)

Anne Caitlin (annebcaitlin) | 74 comments Excellent!!! I love all of these!!! Keep up the good work, you're doing awesome!!!!! :)


message 20: by [deleted user] (new)

Thanks. :)


message 21: by [deleted user] (new)

After a while,

All the so-called ‘advocates’ start to sound the same.

They claim to want the best for us,

But in the same breath,

They compare us to a missing piece

In a jigsaw puzzle.

When really,

We’re right here,

Understanding every hateful word.

They say that they know best

When it comes to autism,

But they never once

Ask actual autistic people

How we feel—

About a cure,

About being treated like we’re stupid.

About what it’s like,

Being different in a neurotypical world.


message 22: by [deleted user] (new)

I see life through a prism.
My first pair
Of glasses
Had a red frame.
(They were always breaking, but I don't remember why.
Am I blocking something out? Forgetting the pain?)
The protagonist in my first favorite series
Was an orange cat.
(Those books got me through
The heartbreak and isolation)
I offered a yellow balloon
To the adults of the house,
Attempting to stop the fight.
(I didn't know, then,
That not everything was so easily fixed)
It's been said that envy is green.
Well, then,
I am verdant.
(I still struggle
Not to feel inferior)
Blue is
The color of the house I grew up in
(Where I longed for love,
Only to learn about hate)
Indigo and violet--shades of purple,
They were my favorite colors.
(Back before innocence was lost)


message 23: by Lavay (new)

Lavay Byrd | 73 comments These are beautiful, Raevyn! I like your poem that speaks about autism. My middle sister is mildly autistic, which gives me some experience with the "disorder". People don't realize how, dispite their "disability", they're normal like us. I wouldn't trade my sister for the world. I love how she laughs so loud, it's contagious! There are even times when she struggles, I wish I could help her, but I could only leave her in God's hands.

You are a very talented poet! It's amazing how your words speak of your experiences and imaginations. Even unpleasant ones.

Beautiful.


message 24: by [deleted user] (new)

Thanks so much! :D


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