Pakistani Readers discussion

71 views
Personal Writings > Siyaahi

Comments Showing 1-13 of 13 (13 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Lara (new)

Lara Zuberi (larazuberi) | 569 comments Jo siyahi meri hissay mein aayeey hai
Usay maathay say dho sakoon shaayad

Mein is kaalak ko kaajal bana kar
Aankhon mein laga sakoon shaayad

Jo is aag mein sulagtay hain
Woh raakh nahin hotay shaayad

Qismat Kay jo kankar hain in say
bikhri Hun par tooti nahin shaayad

Mein bikhar gayee agar kaaghaz par
ek baar phir say simat sakoon shaayad

Gehray khayaal ko humsafar bana kar
qalam mein band ho sakoon shaayad

Apnay gird Lafzon ka qila bana kar
Is bandish mein reh sakoon shaayad

Lahoo Jo baha hai meray aansoon ka
Usi kay rang say likh sakoon shaayad

Daastaan apni tehreer kar kay
Dilon mein Umeed jagaa sakoon shaayad

Isi gehri siyaahi ko koila bana kar
Kayee diyay aur jala sakoon shaayad


message 2: by Ayesha (new)

Ayesha | 975 comments WOW!!!! ASDFGHJKL!I'm speechless Lara,
"Apnay gird Lafzon ka qila bana kar
Is bandish mein reh sakoon shaayad"
defines like every reader's existence!
Btw a bookshop in my city is selling your book for the triple prize;)


message 3: by Sia (new)

Sia (slayqueen) | 317 comments Nice.


message 4: by Maira (new)

Maira | 5852 comments Mod
Wow. Lara excellent. i am still feeling the effect so i have no words. :p


message 5: by Lara (new)

Lara Zuberi (larazuberi) | 569 comments Thank you Ayesha, Sam seehum, Maira, for all your kind words..


message 6: by Salman (new)

Salman Tariq (salmanahmedtariq) | 232 comments Lara wrote: "Jo siyahi meri hissay mein aayeey hai
Usay maathay say dho sakoon shaayad

Mein is kaalak ko kaajal bana kar
Aankhon mein laga sakoon shaayad

Jo is aag mein sulagtay hain
Woh raakh nahin hotay sha..."


kafia aur radeef ka thora sa masla ha..alfaz achy hian


message 7: by Lara (new)

Lara Zuberi (larazuberi) | 569 comments Thank you Salman..yes these are just my ramblings..I don't know too much about the rules, hope to learn


message 8: by Salman (new)

Salman Tariq (salmanahmedtariq) | 232 comments Just learn the rules in English and paste them in urdu... The first two lines show rhyme that end with the same words(in your case its "shayad"... As I think its Ghazal what you worte... in your last two lines you must use your pen name ( takhalus)


message 9: by Lara (new)

Lara Zuberi (larazuberi) | 569 comments It's a nazm, not a ghazal, so technically doesn't need thakhallus, I think ghazals are much harder to write, therefore they are probably more deserving of the poet's name..Urdu is such a beautiful language, I wish I was more well-versed in it..


message 10: by Ashfaq (new)

Ashfaq Ahmed | 4 comments Very Good. Beautiful words


message 11: by Salman (new)

Salman Tariq (salmanahmedtariq) | 232 comments nazam has one particular topic, your every verse can be taken as a separate story... I beg , pardon me but its technically a ghazal . Just keep it up , i didn't meant to boast of something of little knowledge.its very beautiful written from heart.


message 12: by [deleted user] (new)

Jo is aag mein sulagtay hain
Woh raakh nahin hotay shaayad
bhot ala yr.alaa


message 13: by Lara (new)

Lara Zuberi (larazuberi) | 569 comments Thankyou Saad


back to top