Fighting Domestic Violence:

[Alexis]

As a recent victim of domestic violence, I want to discuss what is the best way to prevent this. Should we focus more on education through programs such as HeforShe, should we make penalties harsher, or should we have a mix of both?

[Sandra]

as a volunteer phone counselor for DV many years ago, this topic is close to my heart. for one thing, i think it's important to educate everyone, boys and girls, about the preliminary signs of DV, perhaps in their sex education or health classes. included in this education would be a dispelling of myths, such as 'love hurts', or eradicating the shame around being a victim. much as women feel ashamed, men may feel it even more because of the inherent threat to their masculinity. part of this education would include the cycle of violence - the violence itself, the apology, the honeymoon period, and the ensuing build-up of tension before the next violent act occurs. many of these children are witnesses to DV at home, and it is being excused by the victim, defended by the violator, and swearing the child to secrecy by both. if children are educated about this ongoing dynamic, i believe many more of them will grow up to be aware, watchful, and more prone to leave such a relationship with self-esteem intact.

along with education come the very wonderful, enlightening programs that are available to victims, support groups, counseling, shelters and information available on the internet and social media sites. i hope that the violence toward men by women is being addressed more thoroughly than when i was directly involved in this issue.

several states (u.s.), many years ago, made it mandatory for the police to arrest the perpetrator without the consent of or incrimination by the victim. i believe such a step needs to be mandatory everywhere, with mandatory counseling for the couple to include psycho-education on the dynamics of DV, its causes, solutions, how to recognize signs of escalation, and the setting up of a safe place to go to.

as a therapist, one thing i learned along the way is that many of the victims don't want the perpetrator to leave, only to change his/her behaviors. this will not happen without counseling. another thing i learned is that it is often the victim who ups the tension during that portion of the cycle of violence in order to feel like s/he has some control over when the actual violent behavior will occur. this, too, demands counseling in order to break this dynamic. this is not to blame the victim; it merely shows that the entire DV scene is not only complex but complicated by human perspectives and perceptions in a relationship.

i believe that DV is never OK, that everyone involved, including victim, perpetrator, and children/witnesses are somehow damaged and diminished as humans when in the presence of violence. let me just say that i applaud the courage of anyone who has been able to leave such a situation. you are an inspiration to everybody.

[Aglaea]

Sandra, do you mind copy-pasting your comment to the other thread, this is a duplicate of the one in which we are discussing?

[Henry]

Great domestic violence story -- https://threewibbes.wordpress.com/201... .