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Character Workshop > Anastasia Maeve Darcy

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s•u•n•s•h•i•n•e «§KENZ§» | 600 comments What a cutie!


s•u•n•s•h•i•n•e «§KENZ§» | 600 comments I'm more than happy to! Give me just a tad to do that.


s•u•n•s•h•i•n•e «§KENZ§» | 600 comments Blood: The b of "Half-blood" should be capitalized.

Wand Description: I would prefer this in more the form of a description and not a short story. Also, negative for the patronus; repeat: that is not a go. Make sure all numbers are spelled out.

Description: "Everything about Ana's appearance doesn't really seem to go together -, from her shoulder-length brown hair to her long, awkwardly hanging limbs. She is tall for her age at 4'9"four feet and nine inches due to her early growth spurts, but seems smaller than she is because of the fact that she doesn't normally walk or sit up straight."


s•u•n•s•h•i•n•e «§KENZ§» | 600 comments Be careful not to avoid making her 'too special'. It is a common trap we writers tend to fall into, wanting to make our characters unique and the best, but in doing that, they lose the quality of being human. Also, if they're perfect, how are we supposed to have any sort of story? Part of what we're doing here is that these are pretty normal kids, relatively speaking. Yeah, we'll have some tragedy and 'uniqueness' (each is unique, technically) here and there, but not too much, so we don't detract from the real story. That's kind of the point, is that the 'story' in each of these kids' lives hasn't really happened yet.


s•u•n•s•h•i•n•e «§KENZ§» | 600 comments Description: "Ana has sectoral heterochromia in her eyes (and hair, but that's a different story), meaning that a section of each of her irises is different. Most of her iris is a stormy grey, but there is a section in each one that is a soft, sky-blue." | In partial heterochromia or sectoral heterochromia, part of one iris is a different color from its remainder. (Thank you Wikipedia.) > Likely she won't have the same color in each, maybe a piece in one eye is blue, but the other has hazel or green, or one eye has a blue section but the other eye is solid grey?


message 6: by s•u•n•s•h•i•n•e «§KENZ§», Headmaster (last edited Apr 25, 2014 12:00PM) (new)

s•u•n•s•h•i•n•e «§KENZ§» | 600 comments Description: "Ana's hair is also quite unusual - mainly a soft honey brown, but with strands of dirty blonde weaved into it. It isn't easy to spot unless she plaits her hair, because the blonde is mainly hidden underneath the brown, and more in flecks than in thick sections." | Soft honey brown and dirty blonde are almost exactly the same color. Rarity: (view spoiler) Here's an interesting bit on heterochromia. (I'm fine with the eyes, just make it ...more realistic? Not sold on the hair yet, but by all means, convince me. :) _)

Description: "As Ana is only eleven going on twelve, she hasn't developed yet, so she has a very linear body and a more childish frame than some of her classmates (mainly back in Muggle school)." | I shall present at thy fingertips some knowledge. source Females begin puberty around 10 or 11 and usually complete such physical changes by 15 to 17. Breast development: (view spoiler) Shape: (view spoiler)

Description: "She prefers to live inside her own world. inside her head, rather than in the outside world, and so she tends to have her head in the clouds."

Description: "Ana is extremely curious and spends a lot of her time reading - she has never had a book placed in front of her that she hasn't immediately[?] picked up and started reading.">

Description: "She prefers to stay open-minded -; in fact, sometimes Ana will make a decision then immediately change her mind when something better comes up." | Open-minded refers to new ideas, rather than indecisiveness... (view spoiler) If you meant something else, I might suggest rephrasing?

Background: "Both of them were not Irish but came from the opposite sides of England - Emilia was from heavy, foggy-aired London, while Alexander was from up in the remote highlands of Scotland."

Background: "A few weeks into it, Emilia told Alexander that she was a witch, and he took it surprisingly well - and not long after that, Alexander proposed and Emilia agreed. A few weeks later, they got married - there was snow on the ground and everything was white."

Background: "Not long after that, Ana was born, and from an early age showed signs of great magical power - when Ana was five, she was able to control her magic and by the time she was ready to go to Hogwarts, her parents were a bit worried about her." | No.

Background: "Ana sat alone on the train. [We need more of a transition to this next idea.] As soon as Ana put the Sorting Hat on, the Hat had no trouble deciding. "RAVENCLAW!" he shouted, and Ana went to join her new classmates, wishing that she had a book."


s•u•n•s•h•i•n•e «§KENZ§» | 600 comments Shahdia wrote: "Ah, thanks. I'll edit her when I get on my computer."

I'm still going, but thank you. :) If you have any questions or differing opinions, I'm more than happy to discuss.


s•u•n•s•h•i•n•e «§KENZ§» | 600 comments Relations: "Alexander Kieran Darcy: - Father; 41; Muggle; Writers of Biology Books; Likes Plants and Animals; Enjoys Gardening"

Relations: "Emilia Gemini Darcy: - Mother; 40; Half-bBlood; Hufflepuff; Reporter for the Daily Prophet Reporter; Can't Cook; Passed on Her Books to Ana [rephrase? It kind of makes it seem like she's dead...]"

Pet: Even if she doesn't have a pet, still include the section. For an example of someone lacking a pet, see Harriett Finch-Fletcher

Other: "SheAna doesn't have a pet as she doesn't like toads, is allergic to cat hair, and is scared of owls after one nipped her on the hand when she was in Eeylopes Owl Emporium. She has read all of her school books and all the extra books that her mother got her in the months since she got them, and finds subjects like Charms, Potions, Transfiguration and Astronomy fascinating. [all...? That's a lot of books and they're not exactly small...]"


s•u•n•s•h•i•n•e «§KENZ§» | 600 comments Birthday: "September 10th"


s•u•n•s•h•i•n•e «§KENZ§» | 600 comments I love this wand description so much more! It is so clean and precise! Thank you so much for indulging me. ;D

Wand Description: "It was a handsome wand - carved into a spiral, but with a handle that is a bit too large for Ana's small hands."

Wand Description: She probably doesn't know much about the wand, and Idk how much our Ollivander (a descendent of the one from Harry Potter's time) would tell them...? You can just state it in the description if you'd like, as you did with the wand's appearance. I'm not totally opposed to how you did it though, however, did you leave any details out? I thought willow was one of the stronger wand woods...? (Too lazy to go check on that right now...)


s•u•n•s•h•i•n•e «§KENZ§» | 600 comments My apologies! I shall get to her shortly m'dear!


s•u•n•s•h•i•n•e «§KENZ§» | 600 comments Wand Break-Down:


Your Description
Ana had been trying one wand when she knocked the handsome, spiral-shaped wand off the shelf. Immediately she felt drawn to it and knelt down to pick it up. As soon as her fingers closed around the handle, she felt an electricity run through her. Bright blue sparks burst out of the tip and she stumbled back. Ollivander nodded. "Willow, unicorn hair, ten and a half inches, rather bendy. Particularly adept at nonverbal spells and adept magic. Odd combination, but of course the powerful wand wood cancels out the rather weak unicorn hair...." He trailed off into silence, but then glanced up. "Seven galleons, Miss Darcy." Ana reached into her bag and pulled out seven gold coins, and she took the box from Ollivander. It was a handsome wand - carved into a spiral, but with a handle that is a bit too large for Ana's small hands. The wand felt strong and made her feel powerful, although her mother reckons that it's just psychological as she told Ana that willow wands were powerful.

Willow
Willow is an uncommon wand wood with healing power, and I have noted that the ideal owner for a willow wand often has some (usually unwarranted) insecurity, however well they may try and hide it. While many confident customers insist on trying a willow (attracted by their handsome appearance and well-founded reputation for enabling advanced, non-verbal magic) my willow wands have consistently selected those of greatest potential, rather than those who feel they have little to learn. It has always been a proverb in my family that he who has furthest to travel will go fastest with willow.

Unicorn Hair
Unicorn hair generally produces the most consistent magic, and is least subject to fluctuations and blockages. Wands with unicorn cores are generally the most difficult to turn to the Dark Arts. They are the most faithful of all wands, and usually remain strongly attached to their first owner, irrespective of whether he or she was an accomplished witch or wizard.

Minor disadvantages of unicorn hair are that they do not make the most powerful wands (although the wand wood may compensate) and that they are prone to melancholy if seriously mishandled, meaning that the hair may 'die' and need replacing.

Length (10 1/2 Inches) and Flexibility (Rigid)
Many wandmakers simply match wand length to the size of the witch or wizard who will use it, but this is a crude measure, and fails to take into account many other, important considerations. In my experience, longer wands might suit taller wizards, but they tend to be drawn to bigger personalities, and those of a more spacious and dramatic style of magic. Neater wands favor more elegant and refined spell-casting. However, no single aspect of wand composition should be considered in isolation of all the others, and the type of woods, the core, and the flexibility may either counterbalance or enhance the attributes of the wand's length.

Most wands will be in the range of between nine and fourteen inches. While I have sold extremely short wands (eight inches and under) and very long wands (over fifteen inches), these are exceptionally rare. However, abnormally short wands usually select those in whose character something is lacking, rather than because they are physically undersized (many small witches and wizards are chosen by longer wands).

Wand flexibility or rigidity denotes the degree of adaptability and willingness to change possessed by the wand-and-owner pair—although, again, this factor ought not to be considered separately from the wand wood, core, and length, nor the owner's life experience and style of magic, all of which will combine to make the wand in question unique.

(least flexible)
Brittle
Quite Rigid
Unyielding
Stiff
Inflexible
Pliable
Supple
Reasonably Springy
Swishy
Slightly Bendy
Rather Bendy
Bendy
(most flexible)



s•u•n•s•h•i•n•e «§KENZ§» | 600 comments Intensive Break-Down of Your Description:


Ana had been trying one wand when she knocked the handsome, spiral-shaped wand off the shelf.
How did she manage to knock a wand off the shelf? Normally Ollivander hands them wands to try over a counter. Was it sitting in a box on the counter, perhaps left there from the last person who'd been trying wands in the shop? It's a silly little detail for me to be stuck on, yes. My main point, though, is that I love how the wand is "spiraled". Love it! Love it so much!

Immediately she felt drawn to it and knelt down to pick it up. As soon as her fingers closed around the handle, she felt an electricity run through her. Bright blue sparks burst out of the tip and she stumbled back.
Wonderful! Wonderful, concise, pertinent detail.

Ollivander nodded. "Willow, unicorn hair, ten and a half inches, rather bendy. ..."
Two things: a) Ollivander would totally tell her this bit. That is entirely believable. b) In the section Wand Flexibility her wand is listed as 'rigid'. I much prefer 'rather bendy' as willow is a very flexible wood and would never be rigid.

"... Particularly adept at nonverbal spells and adept magic. Odd combination, but of course the powerful wand wood cancels out the rather weak unicorn hair...." He trailed off into silence, but ...
Nope, he wouldn't tell her this. Why? The wand chooses the wizard, m'dear. He knows aspects of the wand, but he's not just going to tell her—or anyone for that matter. That is for them to discover on their own. These details about the wand are for us as writers. The only thing for the characters is really the appearance.

... then glanced up. "Seven galleons, Miss Darcy." Ana reached into her bag and pulled out seven gold coins, and she took the box from Ollivander.
Good, believable detail that fits the world beautifully.

It was a handsome wand - carved into a spiral, but with a handle that is was a bit too large for Ana's small hands.
Grammar! It's a dash, not a hyphen (All-too common a mistake, I'm just a dash-dictator [Haha, do you see what I did there?! Okay, I'll be done...] so I do not begrudge the error. Please do fix it though, I am determined to educate as many as possible on the proper usage of hyphens and dashes.) Also, be careful to stay in the same tense. I like the detail here.

The wand felt strong and made her feel powerful, although her mother reckons that it's just psychological as she told Ana that willow wands were powerful.
I think I understand what you're trying to say here, but the sentence is just a bit awkward. Also, I think this refers to the bit where Ollivander told her about her wand...?


• What color is the wand? I think that's the only physical detail that we need to see at this point. All the rest were covered beautifully in your description!


s•u•n•s•h•i•n•e «§KENZ§» | 600 comments Break-Down of Details Found in the Background Information


Willow | Willow is an uncommon wand wood with healing power, and I have noted that the ideal owner for a willow wand often has some (usually unwarranted) insecurity, however well they may try and hide it. While many confident customers insist on trying a willow (attracted by their handsome appearance and well-founded reputation for enabling advanced, non-verbal magic) my willow wands have consistently selected those of greatest potential, rather than those who feel they have little to learn. It has always been a proverb in my family that he who has furthest to travel will go fastest with willow.
. uncommon wand wood
. healing power
. owner often has some insecurity
. enabling of advanced, non-verbal magic
. drawn to those of great potential

Unicorn Hair | Unicorn hair generally produces the most consistent magic, and is least subject to fluctuations and blockages. Wands with unicorn cores are generally the most difficult to turn to the Dark Arts. They are the most faithful of all wands, and usually remain strongly attached to their first owner, irrespective of whether he or she was an accomplished witch or wizard. Minor disadvantages of unicorn hair are that they do not make the most powerful wands (although the wand wood may compensate) and that they are prone to melancholy if seriously mishandled, meaning that the hair may 'die' and need replacing.
. produces consistent magic
. resistant to fluctuations and blockages
. difficult to turn to the Dark Arts
. extremely faithful
. attach firmly to first owner
. not an especially powerful wand core
. prone to melancholy if seriously mishandled


Length and Flexibility aren't too much of a thing. They're more physical details and generally don't contribute much to the magical aspects of the wand.


s•u•n•s•h•i•n•e «§KENZ§» | 600 comments Wand: Please include a description of the wand's magical qualities. (Not from Ollivander, but from our omniscient narrator.)

Wand: See my note on dashes below.

Description: "Ana can get infuriated when she can't do something or when she doesn't understand something, and is quite prideful - she won't ask for help unless she has to, and she gets personally insulted when others do better than her." | The hyphen should be a dash. (—) Dashes have no spaces around them. (ex. text—text)


message 16: by ๖ۣۜSαᴙαh (new)

๖ۣۜSαᴙαh ๖ۣۜMᴄĄłłiƨʈeʀ (inked_chinadoll) ((Love your profile pic, Shahdia. ;)))


s•u•n•s•h•i•n•e «§KENZ§» | 600 comments Sure thing dear!


s•u•n•s•h•i•n•e «§KENZ§» | 600 comments Yes ma'am! Sure thing!


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