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Requesting Feedback > The Bones of the Past - Feedback

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message 1: by Craig (new)

Craig Munro | 42 comments Hello everyone,

I got my draft up this week and made myself a cover. Wondering what everyone thinks/suggestions. I'm hoping to improve it any way I can over the next few weeks before I launch my funding.

Thank you all !!!

https://www.inkshares.com/projects/th...


message 2: by Matthew (new)

Matthew | 9 comments Cool Craig. The prologue was super fun. I'll try and take a look beyond that and send some feedback.

Best,
-Matt


message 3: by Safa (new)

Safa Shaqsy (safashaqsy) | 15 comments do you want feed back of the cover or the plot?


message 4: by Craig (new)

Craig Munro | 42 comments Either or both . Looking to improve the project any way I can.


message 5: by Julian (new)

Julian Green | 20 comments Thought I would put this here rather than in the comment section on inkshares. Hope this helps.

"One watcher among many scattered around the plane. It is almost time."

plain, not plane. One is a flat piece of dirt, the other flies through the sky :)

"Time to see what they’ve done to the place. He moved in fits and bursts, as silent and unpredictable as the shadow of a bat under the twin moons. He would watch and wait until his master decided to act. When the time came, Rahz would move through Sacral with his Crows and reap bloody murder. He smiled as he slipped unseen over the great wall."

So he would watch and wait but he's infiltrating? So he has to watch from inside and risk discovery rather than sit on a ridge somewhere with a scope I assume. How's he feel about this...does the risk of discovery make it more exciting? If he fails will his master remove his skin slowly as a lesson to the other crows?

There's a lot of gold in this passage. Shadow of a bat, twin moons...things are different yet still recognizable...but you said previously that tens of thousands manned the battlements clamoring for a look outside. Yet he (and his minions?) slip unseen over the wall as if popping next door for a glass of milk and avoiding all those watchful eyes.

I don't know, seems a bit silly to me, risking the success of his mission if just one of those pairs of eye's happens to look in the right direction at the right moment. If you don't mind a suggestion have him find the sewers...and you've already established that he's familiar with the city...and now we know he'd walk a mile through Sh!t to get this very important mission accomplished.

Is this the kind of feedback you were looking for?

Julian


message 6: by Safa (new)

Safa Shaqsy (safashaqsy) | 15 comments I'm not an expert on cover art, but I thought the cover is very dark.


message 7: by Craig (new)

Craig Munro | 42 comments Thank you all for the feeback so far,
@Julian Much appreciated, this is the kind of stuff I need to hear. And doubly thank you for your tact in posting it here.
Plane.... how did that get past me?!
While I am going more for excessively over-confident and cocky with Rahz, I can see your point. I'm going to change that last part of the prologue to temper it a bit.

@Safa thank you for the feedback. The book itself is rather dark in parts so I was actually looking for something that suited the story. That said, I'll keep what you said in mind.


message 8: by Julian (new)

Julian Green | 20 comments That's okay Craig, we all need a fresh pair of eyes on text...our brains automatically skip over the words. We know what we meant. That's what editors and proofreaders are for.

I think my best typo was where I had a large explosion that flattered the pine trees for 300 meters.

Hey! Nice cones. *finger pistols*

On your point about raising awareness of the novel before pressing the funding button...it's become clear to me that I didn't do this enough. Not nearly enough to be involved in the Sword and Laser contest, which won't stop me from giving it a red hot go. I come from the Bah Humbug school of social media. I think that needs to change if Finn and I are ever going to see this little project take off.

Julian


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