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The Complaint Department > Holiday Whine Fest

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message 1: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3511 comments Mod
Aaaah! It's that time of the year again. Between shopping and decorating and the annoying music and the relatives you have to see again even though you just saw them for Thanksgving - there's plenty to whine about.

Have at it, gang!


message 2: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Shiroff | 840 comments I hosted Thanksgiving -- 16 people. I went grocery shopping last Sunday for basics, then on Wednesday to pick up the bird and fresh ingredients. I went back again on Saturday so we'd have food to eat. I just shoved the daughter out the door to the bus stop while she said something like "are you going to get some food today?"


message 3: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3511 comments Mod
Well, obviously she means real food like Cheetos and Tastykakes!


message 4: by Rodney (new)

Rodney Carlson (rodneycarlson) | 617 comments The wife cooked for an army, and not a single relative of hers or mine showed up at our house, so Thanksgiving was ... Perfect!


message 5: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Happiness is relative. Preferably, far away relatives.


message 6: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Shiroff | 840 comments Rodney wrote: "The wife cooked for an army, and not a single relative of hers or mine showed up at our house, so Thanksgiving was ... Perfect!"

Which army did she cook for -- her relatives, or yours?


message 7: by Jay (last edited Nov 30, 2015 11:23AM) (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Lisa wrote: "Which army did she cook for?"

Easy one. Most likely Union or Confederate.


message 8: by Rodney (new)

Rodney Carlson (rodneycarlson) | 617 comments Confederate, her relatives, Georgia.


message 9: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Shiroff | 840 comments I love any excuse to have a party (I know, y'all are shocked by the admission). I also love traditions. So, when the kiddos were young 'ens, I "did the holidays right" for them. We do both Hanukkah and Christmas so there was lots to do. Then, after moving to Jersey, I started a new tradition of throwing a giant feast for my Jewish family and friends to attend on Christmas day since they had nothing else to do.

However, now that the kids are in their teens, no one in my house is willing to admit to believing in anything related to the holidays. So I announced that I'd like to sell the pre-lit artificial tree on Craig's list and donate the decorations to a shelter or something. And suddenly I'm the Grinch. We're still doing a couple parties. I'm still planning on feeding hoards of mainly their friends. Yet, I'm some kind of a big green meanie who doesn't want anyone to have any fun because I don't want the extra work involved with decorating and cleaning up afterward.

Anyone want a set of teens? I got one of each: a girl and a boy. They're not good at much around the house but they're full of one-liners and smart-alec remarks. Oh, and the boy will be driving soon.


message 10: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Lisa wrote: "I started a new tradition of throwing a giant feast... Anyone want a set of teens? I got one of each: a girl and a boy."

Your mistake is just so obvious, Lisa! Someone should have warned you: If you feed them, they just get bigger and eat more.


message 11: by Rodney (new)

Rodney Carlson (rodneycarlson) | 617 comments Jay wrote: "Your mistake is just so obvious, Lisa! Someone should have warned you: If you feed them, they just get bigger and eat more. "

And never feed them after midnight!


message 12: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Shiroff | 840 comments I really wish children came with user manuals. Everything else does.


message 13: by Rodney (new)

Rodney Carlson (rodneycarlson) | 617 comments I've read that scientists have determined that people develop their brains from age 12 to 25. The brain develops from front to back, which means that emotion is the first to develop and reason is the last. This explains why teenagers are all emotion and no reason. It's probably best to wrap them in bubble wrap and store them somewhere safe until they are 25.


message 14: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3511 comments Mod
Lisa wrote: "So I announced that I'd like to sell the pre-lit artificial tree on Craig's list and donate the decorations to a shelter or something. And suddenly I'm the Grinch. "

I deal with this all the time. No one wants to help decorate, but watch the fireworks when you don't put out someone's favorite Christmassy-doodad!

Every year, my oldest complains about having to maneuver the huge base for the train up the basement stairs, then the youngest whines about having to set up the train. Once it's assembled, they never run it and it collects dust for a month. So, this year, I just put up the tree and clustered some snowmen around the base. And guess what? Cries of "Gee, no train this year?" were heard throughout the land. Apparently, even hated holiday chores are sacred traditions!


message 15: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Melki wrote: "And guess what? Cries of "Gee, no train this year?" were heard throughout the land..."

You just have to learn how to talk to kids. Always keep them on the defensive. The correct response would be: "How can you be so ungrateful! I've been training you every day for fourteen years!"

Adjust the age as appropriate.


message 16: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2420 comments Mod
Lisa wrote: "I really wish children came with user manuals. Everything else does."

Not any more. I hate that. Nothing comes with real instructions, and the more complex (see: iPhone) the skimpier the instructions.

And no, I won't take your teens. I have my own.


message 17: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3511 comments Mod
description


message 18: by CartoonistAndre (new)

CartoonistAndre | 725 comments Lisa, as far as user manuals go, are you sure you checked everywhere?


message 19: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2420 comments Mod
CartoonistAndre wrote: "Lisa, as far as user manuals go, are you sure you checked everywhere?"

Oh, if it comes to that, the library is full of users' manuals to kids. The trouble is, as far as I can tell all they are good for is making you feel like the world's worst parent. I won't go down that aisle.


message 20: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3511 comments Mod
description

C'mon Gimel!


message 21: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Shiroff | 840 comments I hear they don't play with real chocolate, the shysters!


message 22: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3511 comments Mod
Brenda mentioned accidentally bringing a mouse upstairs with her Christmas decorations in one of these threads. I had my own heart-stopping rodent moment this season, so I'll put the sorry tale here.

We've been remarkably lucky in this house with regards to mice. I've seen no evidence of any, anywhere. Two days ago, I was unpacking a little wooden gingerbread house my son made. I lifted up the roof to remove the little resident, and . . . it was full of uneaten sunflower seeds.

That freaked me out.

Near as we can figure, a chipmunk must have gotten into the basement when we had the screens in the windows over the summer. Now I'm wondering if it got back out again, or if it's hibernating down there somewhere.


message 23: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3511 comments Mod
Oh, and I also managed to drop the one and only box of decorations I have that's labeled FRAGILE - DO NOT DROP!. No damage - I was pretty generous with the bubble-wrap last year. Still, I wonder if I would have dropped it had it been labeled CAUTION - SOFT, BOUNCY THINGS.


message 24: by CartoonistAndre (last edited Dec 07, 2015 04:23PM) (new)

CartoonistAndre | 725 comments Gimme a gimel too, and a Manischewitz!

I think Brenda made a cute little home for that mouse and it's presently luxuriating on a nice soft sticky pad.

Finished the lights around our house on Sunday and hung old Mrs. T's lights today. Now we tackle the inside decorations and the tree tomorrow. The next day the car and the next...


message 25: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2420 comments Mod
Got our little tree and lights up yesterday. We don't do a lot if we aren't hosting Xmas. We don't do a whole lot more if we are, except get a real tree.


message 26: by CartoonistAndre (new)

CartoonistAndre | 725 comments A FANTASTIC GIFT FOR ANYONE WITH A NEWBORN

gift


message 27: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3511 comments Mod
Sheesh! $29.95 for a pacifier! Glad my baby-birthin' days are over. That said, this one that makes your tot look like a baby circus strongman is pretty cute -

description


message 28: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3511 comments Mod
Now that Hanukkah is winding down, you may be running out of socks to give your favorite nieces and nephews. May I suggest Mensch on a Bench or perhaps The Santa Dreidel?

http://wonkette.com/596701/all-the-ha...


message 29: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3511 comments Mod
I went to the basement today looking for a box to mail a gift. Found the perfect one.

It was full of acorns.

Frickin' chipmunk!


message 30: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2420 comments Mod
Melki wrote: "I went to the basement today looking for a box to mail a gift. Found the perfect one.

It was full of acorns.

Frickin' chipmunk!"


Do a little research, treat those acorns, and grind them for flour. I'm sure you can do something good with them, and rob the chipmunk of its triumph.


message 31: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
No worries. The chipmunks have replaced acorns with salsa.


message 32: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3511 comments Mod
Rebecca wrote: "Melki wrote: "I went to the basement today looking for a box to mail a gift. Found the perfect one.

It was full of acorns.

Frickin' chipmunk!"

Do a little research, treat those acorns, and grind..."


I put them outside for the squirrels who spend winter outdoors and NOT in my basement.


message 33: by Rodney (new)

Rodney Carlson (rodneycarlson) | 617 comments Where do you think the indoor squirrels got them? You don't have a tree growing in your basement do you?


message 34: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3511 comments Mod
description

Santa made a boner.


message 35: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3511 comments Mod
description


message 36: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Melki wrote: "Lapland is not a gentlemen's club."

Oh, but it's a great name for one!


message 37: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3511 comments Mod
description
Looks Good on Paper by Dan Collins


message 38: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
santa better job


message 39: by CartoonistAndre (last edited Dec 18, 2015 05:06PM) (new)

CartoonistAndre | 725 comments Good old Bizarro!


message 40: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3511 comments Mod
Trespassed across a few yards last night to take a walk through the hoity-toity development that abuts my neighborhood. Tasteful, elegant wreaths on doors and a few strands of white lights seemed to be the required holiday decorations . . . except for one household that didn't get the memo. Their front yard was a veritable Who-ville (Suess, not Time Lord) filled with wooden characters, multi-colored lights and blow-mold figures.

Take that, snobs!


message 41: by Joel (new)

Joel Bresler | 1545 comments Mod
Goes to show you - money can't buy taste.


message 42: by Joel (new)

Joel Bresler | 1545 comments Mod
One serious downside to not celebrating X-mas is the dearth of home-made Christmas cookies. Especially ones with sprinkles. I'm a sucker for sprinkles.


message 43: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Joel wrote: "One serious downside to not celebrating X-mas is the dearth of home-made Christmas cookies. Especially ones with sprinkles. I'm a sucker for sprinkles."

Sprinkles? Not quite kinky enough for the holidays, Joel.

santa and masochistic reindeer


message 44: by Joel (new)

Joel Bresler | 1545 comments Mod
As Freud is reputed to have said: Sometimes a cookie is only a cookie.


message 45: by Melki (last edited Dec 23, 2015 02:59AM) (new)

Melki | 3511 comments Mod
Joel wrote: "One serious downside to not celebrating X-mas is the dearth of home-made Christmas cookies. Especially ones with sprinkles. I'm a sucker for sprinkles."

I was lazy this year and didn't make any. Next year, I'll send you a box o' baked goodies. I'm pretty liberal with my sprinkles.


message 46: by Jay (new)

Jay Cole (jay_cole) | 5437 comments Mod
Melki wrote: "Next year, I'll send you a box o' baked goodies. I'm pretty liberal with my sprinkles."

If you didn't bring enough for everyone... :)


message 47: by Joel (new)

Joel Bresler | 1545 comments Mod
I love all the familiar cookie-cutter shapes, too - car air freshener, Ikea computer desk, manhole cover...


message 48: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3511 comments Mod
Well, I was going to send you boxer shorts shaped cookies, but if you're going to be all offensitive about it . . .


message 49: by Joel (new)

Joel Bresler | 1545 comments Mod
It's not that, Melki. There's just something about cutting implements and boxer shorts that makes me a trifle squeamish.


message 50: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3511 comments Mod
Then I'm sure you don't even want to think about the cookie cutter I was given last year. Unless you're a mohel.


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