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message 1: by Sam (new)

Sam Friedman (sam_ramirez) | 83 comments Meet Jason Riley, sixteen-year-old YouTuber. He, along with his sister Hannah, create videos so they can be internet famous like their favorite stars.

One day an obnoxious bully hurls a racist insult at one of Jason's friends, causing him to deliver a profanity-laced rant that goes viral. He earns the fame and fortune he always wanted, but finds he has changed. The girl he thought he wanted now looks ordinary, and another girl is waiting for her turn to be with Jason.

With the help of a talking cat and a mysterious old guy, Jason soon learns the dark side of internet fame and learning to value what really matters in life.

I want to know if this would make you want to pick up this book. It's 112 words, so I hope not too long for a back cover. I'm a newbie, FYI. Thanks!

message 2: by Riley, Viking Extraordinaire (new)

Riley Amos Westbrook (sonshinegreene) | 1510 comments Mod
Interesting premise, and though it's not my normal genre, the blurb is interesting. I love books like this that explore what we want vs what we need. So I personally think it works awesome.
If you're truly worried about it, and can't get any more feedback, feed it through a headline analyzer like I've created some compelling blogs using that site, and I really find it does help with finding great "Trigger" words.

message 3: by Sam (new)

Sam Friedman (sam_ramirez) | 83 comments Riley-I tried the title, and got a 50% EMV score. The title is not the hard part. It's hoping people understand the back cover and that this is not your typical romance. But thank you for the feedback. The fact that it isn't your normal genre is good because that means there is potential crossover appeal, though this story is aimed at a teen audience.

message 4: by Tom (new)

Tom (tom_shutt) | 20 comments Sam, I think the first two paragraphs were good at generating interest in the book, but it fell apart in the third paragraph. Throwing in a talking cat when there was no earlier indication that there were weird/supernatural things in the book makes me wonder how important that aspect of the book really is, and calling the other character a "mysterious old guy" is too vague to interest me. The latter half of the line also feels like you went really broad with the moral of the story.

I would suggest re-gearing the last paragraph toward showing some specific negative effect of his new fame (more than just shifting personal interests), and then a call to action of him needing to fix things somehow before his sudden social media prominence runs his life into the ground.

message 5: by Sam (new)

Sam Friedman (sam_ramirez) | 83 comments Hmm...the basic gist is, he realizes that there's more to life than just trying to be famous for the sake of being famous. That's the ending I wanted. The only major negatives is that he breaks a promise to a girl he really likes, and he starts getting hate comments from cyber bullies and fans who demand he continue to serve them new content, or else they'll ignore him. Then he's caught between being who he wants to be and being who he thinks others want him to be. That last part is the main moral I had.

message 6: by Tom (new)

Tom (tom_shutt) | 20 comments the people who see his viral video then go and watch the other things he did with his sister? Because we already know that the two of them make original content—do the fans appreciate these videos as well, or do they want Jason to be more of a warrior for social media justice, and then get angry when he fails to deliver?

I think my main concern with the original third paragraph is that it sort of gives away the conclusion. There's no debate of how his story ends—he definitely learns what is important in life. It could just be a phrasing thing, but there is a sense that the ending is spoiled without giving away any details. What if you ended on a question, or posing some situation that leaves Jason's fate in the air for the reader to find out? Something like:

As his new fans clamor for more viral videos, Jason finds himself caught between the life he's always craved and the reality of overnight stardom, and if he doesn't find a way to give the people what they want, he'll soon find himself a forgotten one-hit wonder with no way back to the spotlight.

A little wordy, so feel free to make it your own or ignore it completely. And it's okay if whatever you come up with makes him sound sort of like a jerk—he's a teenager with dreams of becoming a YouTube celebrity, and his taste in girls changes coinciding with his fame. He isn't a 100% perfect individual, as far as having true desires and a pure heart.

message 7: by Sam (last edited Aug 24, 2015 09:23PM) (new)

Sam Friedman (sam_ramirez) | 83 comments Tom, the fans begin to demand more content, period. If he goes against the "political correctness", he hears about it from the social media warriors. But the book is not about political incorrectness or free speech, though it's an underlying factor.
You know what, I actually like your revision, in that you combine the end of the second and third. I'll fix it up a bit, but I will add that to my original since I know I have to cut down on the 112 words. Yes, Jason goes through changes from nice kid to a bit arrogant, because he has money and fame. This was by far the best feedback I've gotten. I tried asking elsewhere, and no one gave any meaningful feedback. Thanks Tom and Riley.

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