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Fiend's Little Shop of Horrors > all ( that ) glitters ; a novel

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message 1: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 46 comments
❛ o : stealing the crown jewels from the palace was a bad idea waiting to happen.

message 2: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 46 comments
❛ N O T I C E S ; ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
|   x   :   explicit themes, such as violence, sexual content, gore, and drug usage. Discretion is advised.
|   x   :   depictions of queer relationships
|   x   :   much of this will be posted on tumblr, while this
| will be more where I'll put the drabbles and such
|   x   :   character descriptions will be placed here, as well.
|   x   :   format inspiration from red
|   x   :   comments are most appreciated if they have to point out any sort of error. Only
| then.

message 3: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 46 comments
❛ I N D E X ; ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
|   o   :   chapter one
|   o   :   study one; luka
|   o   :   chapter two

message 4: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 46 comments .

message 5: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 46 comments
❛ C H A R A C T E R S ; ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
|   o   :   Luka Cordaire

message 6: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 46 comments
❛ oo1 : the night
The thing about the night is that it’s good to hide in. The starless, moonless sky that hung over the world this night was the best sort. Figures obscured and blended with shadows while whispers carried on a phantom wind. Strangers in the darkness suddenly felt like long lost kin; drifting souls united in the solitude of the night.

message 7: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 46 comments
❛ luka cordaire : a short study ( part one )
Hello, all! This here is just a quick study on Luka Cordaire, the protagonist of All That Glitters. I’m well aware that there’s only one chapter, but I feel like this will get me more in tune with the character I’ve created. I want her voice to be well written, because that will in turn enhance the story.

Since there is only one chapter, I really can only touch on the basics. Too much information will give away key points of the story, and I don’t want that. So, I asked a few friends to give me questions that arose for them after reading the first chapter. That, along with the usual information, is what will be in the study.

message 8: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 46 comments
❛ oo2 : daylight
Daylight is terrifying. People pull on facades as they would clothes, and take to the streets. Secrets that ran free in the dark retreat. People are dangerous when they have something to hide, perhaps more so than those branded as felons. Luka was staring the wanted poster of one such criminal then, and wondered if his secrets had already been laid bare, or if he had managed to keep them hidden. Did it make him any less dangerous, described as armed and ruthless, if they knew more than what he did to make him so wanted? She had to get away from the thought, and turned from the poster.

message 9: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 46 comments
currently on a hiatus ; return date ( unknown )

message 10: by [deleted user] (new)

chapter one started out beautifully; and I did love it! The writing was exquisite and descriptive, enough to help me create a realistic setting in my mind. I felt like being in the character's shoes; and that's talent.

the flaw is perhaps the abruptness; the transition should be improved and edited. The pace is too fast, too quick, and just slow it down a notch.

message 11: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 46 comments I did intend for it to be fast paced.
The abruptness is mostly from the point of view I have it, from Luka's and how she thinks.

message 12: by [deleted user] (new)

In that case, its good :) I'll post my feedback for the other chapters soon

message 13: by [deleted user] (new)

I don't see any flaw in the second chapter, but being partial OCD about punctual marks;

"What is it,” she prodded, brows raised...
--> "What is it?" She prodded, brows raised...

“When are you going,” he questioned, releasing her...

--> "When are you going?" He questioned, releasing her...

Other than that its perfect :) You can correct/keep it unchanged since its like, exceptionally minor.

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