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message 1: by Alyssa (new)

Alyssa (abilyssaxoxo) | 1290 comments that. is. amazing.
really well-written and exciting!


message 2: by Alyssa (new)

Alyssa (abilyssaxoxo) | 1290 comments I usually point out errors to be helpful, but I honestly couldn't find anything in need of improvement. impressive :)


message 3: by Roxanne (last edited Dec 22, 2014 10:43PM) (new)

Roxanne Shriver (roxannexshriver) Just Like The Rest

Akane never really fit in with other girls her age. Her temper always seems to get the better of her; violently so. But now that she’s found a sanctuary for others like her, she's starting to realize that it might not be her fault after all.

However, the cure isn’t at all what she’s expected…


Genre: Psychological Horror, with Japanese elements
Audience: MA (violence, language, themes)
Link: https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/...

I will also be posting chapters here, but I will always update my Goodreads writing folder first.


message 4: by Norman (new)

Norman | 12 comments So far sound amazing.


message 5: by Roxanne (new)

Roxanne Shriver (roxannexshriver) Thanks! ^w^ I hope to finish working on Chapter One by the end of this weekend.


message 6: by Roxanne (new)

Roxanne Shriver (roxannexshriver) CHAPTER ONE:

A mind is so easy to lose. And when it slips from your trembling fingers, everything you ever hoped for lies in ruin. Every waking hour is a nightmare; screaming visions claw at your bloodied eyes, while you swing a fist, break flesh, bone, teeth. The blood, when it drenches you, is bitter. You drown in your tears. You drown in their tears.

And the people… they stare, judge, grab and beat and kill. And there’s no going back. You find yourself stuck there… locked away for life.

“Ai? Where...?”

Empty hands, cold as ice. A one finger caress; longing and faint and gone far too soon. Beautifully fragile tears, smothering features and suffocating bleeding cries. A soft word, softer steps. Vanishing into darkness, into the deepest red.

Akane.

“Gomen, rōzu. I have to go now."

"But where-?"

A child's screaming, reaching desperately, clutching hairs. A blow of even deeper crimson hue, blossoming with death's palette. Last words fading into dusk, sleep choking into silence.

Onee-chan. Onee… san.

“Oyasuminasai.”


The cobblestone broke open scarring blisters, the trail darkening with each forced step. I should’ve grabbed shoes. Stolen them, maybe right off a spoiled foot. But everything had happened so fast, I… I didn’t have enough time. And I couldn’t go back. Not after…

I shook my head, pausing mid-step to shakily hug myself. My breathing caught of its own accord; I brought a fist to my throat and sputtered, forcing the panic away and the air back into my lungs with a faint blow.

There. Much better. I slowly lifted my gaze to the grayed heavens. And just below that, the very place I was looking for so desperately.

There were only three buildings total – all white brick, clumped together like eggs in a jostled nest. Each was eerily untainted by mother nature’s whispers of time. I found myself drawn to the first, the largest one. Heart throbbing in my constricting throat, I managed to grasp the strength I needed, to take one faltering step forward, then another.

Something moved out of the corner of my eye. I whirled around on instinct, gaze locking with hers as she froze in place like a rabbit at the end of a rifle. I squinted to try to get a better look. Started over, but hesitated when she flinched and ducked back around the corner.

'Akane...'

Screw that. Gritting my teeth, I stormed over and snatched at her, tangling my fingers in one blonde ponytail. "Oi, shorty! What're you doin'?"

The girl trembled, even as she smiled brightly. Probably forced... poor thing. My gut clenched. “H-Hiya,” she managed, then rushed onward. “I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to spy! I'm not that kind of person, really! It's just been so boring lately. And I hadn't seen you before. So I... Have you unpacked? Gotten a tour? Met Sensei? I can take you to her. Let's go!”

This time I was the one to flinch, away from her touch. As I released my grip, my lips twisted of their own accord. My voice seemed centuries old. “New… New girl?”

“I used to be the new girl, up until you showed up. You’re newer than I am! Nice to meet you, new new girl!" she laughed uneasily, then quickly added, "Y-You’re gonna love it here. Everybody does.”

Did she ever shut up? A headache approached, engine rearing to go even as I dug my thumbnails into my temples. It wasn’t even painful so much as it was annoying. Irritating. Infuriating!

It was really starting to piss me off.

…Uh oh.

I gave my head a violent shake, ripping those thoughts from my throbbing skull. As my bangs curtained the young girl from my line of vision, I used the opportunity to scold myself. Keep it together, Akane. You can do this. This brat? She’s nothing. You can keep your cool, no sweat. Just smile and nod. Tune her out. Don’t… Don’t respond. Don’t snap. Don’t let it happen again.

‘It’s not my fault! I… I didn’t do it!’

They’ll lock you away forever. You can’t let that happen. You can’t go back there, to those grinning doctors and screaming nurses. Ever! Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm.

A shudder snaked through me, dripping venom in its path up to my gritted teeth. I brought up both hands again, this time desperately clinging clumps of my own hair. The pain didn’t help to clear my thoughts; if anything, it muddied them all the more. ‘Not my fault… not my fault!’

The lingering scent of iron persisted, even as I looked down at my clean hands. My stomach twisted into a knot as his broken glasses flickered through my mind. My breath hitched a little as I closed my eyes against the force of his smoldering gaze. I hugged myself tightly as the mantra escaped me for the umpteenth time.

Screw him. Screw him and all his medical buddies, who had stared at me when I stormed out of his office, whispering to one another, as though I couldn’t see them. Screw that lady that had been sitting in the waiting room, the one that had been staring at me, not even bothering to pretend like she wasn’t. Screw whoever it was that decided to call the cops.

This… This wasn’t my fault. I didn’t do it! Why couldn’t they see that? Why couldn’t they-?

“… Wow. What a freak." A new voice, unusually low considering the spunk thrown into each word. I expected the typical high-pitched whine of the popular crowd, not... this.

But even so.

Each breath shuddered through me, my ribcage tightening with each tremble. I fought to regain control of myself, but none of this really felt very real. It was too much of a struggle; more like a nightmare than reality.

"Oi, earth to new girl!” The brunette cupped both hands around her mouth, her words so loud I took a halting step backwards. She drummed amethyst fingernails along one arm as she eyed me, frowning slightly as she tossed back, “You know, Etsuko, I think our new guest isn’t all there, if you catch my drift.”

The younger girl pulled uncomfortably at her pigtails as she watched me. “Th-That’s not… I mean… um…”

“Or maybe she’s just stupid.”

“Hoshi!” Etsuko gasped, taking a step back. “You shouldn’t say stuff like-!”

Hoshi gave a nasally chortle as she grinned at me. “I dunno, she sure seems like it to me. I bet she doesn’t even know why she’s here.”

“Of course she-”

“Does she? Does she really?” She glanced at Etsuko – mostly amused, faintly bored – before returning her attention to me. “… Are you crazy, little girl?” she cooed, light dancing mockingly through heavy, mascara-coated eyes. “Are you a complete nut-job, hm? What’d you do anyways, murder a guy?”

She cracked up at her own morbid joke, while my stomach twisted in a greasy knot of nauseating acid. I bit down hard on my back molars, surprised when I didn’t hear a crack. Muscles locked, I found the words hesitating on the air before I had the chance to throttle them. “Shut it.”

Hoshi broke off mid-snort, almost choking on it as she gaped at me. She blinked once, twice, brow furrowing. “… Pardon?”

“I said,” I rushed at her, taking her to the wall, "shut your face!"

She gave a cry of startled pain, looked to me with fear and disbelief.

"Your voice pisses me off," I squeezed the words past chattering teeth, "and you don't know a god-damn thing. Call me that again and I'll-"

"You'll... what?"

Despite the distracting racket of Etsuko's now panicked breathing, the approaching footsteps rang out like gunshots, piercing my core and leaving me to bleed my life away.

Etsuko froze, terror sapping her strength like a smoothie through a straw. Face pale and taunt, she took a step backwards. Tugged nervously at her pigtails. "N-Noa... We weren't... weren't expecting to see you here."

"Noa?" Hoshi glanced almost lazily to the side, heavy eyes narrowed with disgust. "Oh, you're still around. Hasn't Sensei gotten rid of you yet?"

Her words bit my core; who did she think she was, treating her like she was trash! Hands to fists - nothing new - I whipped around with defense on my tongue, stinging even as it caught in my throat. Wilted.

As our dark eyes met for the very first time, I couldn't help but notice the faintest chime.


message 7: by Anahita (new)

Anahita (anahitasn) | 98 comments This is great. I hope you're writing more.


message 8: by Roxanne (new)

Roxanne Shriver (roxannexshriver) Of course! ^w^

I'm working on the basic editing of the second chapter, but I have most of it written. I'm not sure how long it'll take me to post it though... Maybe a week or two.


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