Vaginal Fantasy Book Club discussion

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Book Discussion & Recommendation > 5 Reasons Why Romance Novels are not Romantic

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message 1: by Marjorie (last edited Feb 11, 2014 06:43AM) (new)

Marjorie (marjoriequinn) | 118 comments This is a hilarious article on Thought Catalog that I thought the Vaginal Fantasy Group would appreciate.
5 Reasons Romance Novels Are Hilarious and Not All That Romantic is funny and I can relate with the overused word section.
I bet we can even add more reasons to this list.
Enjoy.


message 2: by Keith (new)

Keith (keithatc) I keep a running list of things people only THINK they enjoy (parades, movies in the park, etc) and on that list is sex on a beach (so much sand), sex in a hay loft (I grew up on a farm, and these writers obviously don't know what hay feels like), and sex in an airplane bathroom (those places are disgusting), all things writers seem to think is amazing. Oh, and sex outside in the rain. Yes yes, it was magical and passionate! Now enjoy your long walk home in your cold, soaking wet clothes.


message 3: by Marjorie (new)

Marjorie (marjoriequinn) | 118 comments HAHA Yes! I agree with the sex on the beach. Nothing good about that except maybe the drink. I read an article once about how unsanitary it is (especially for the woman parts) and it became forever unsexy. Hay is scratchy and pokey-painful in a not so sexy way. Sex in a plane bathroom is not only disgusting and, I image, uncomfortable. Can say never even thought about the rain and wet cloths thing. good point.


message 4: by Teresa (last edited Feb 18, 2014 01:07PM) (new)

Teresa (TeresaDAmario) | 5 comments LOL The only time outdoor sex is fun is if there's something similar to a king size blanket between you and the "outdoors". :D Seriously though, only my shifters ever have sex outside. My others, not so much, unless it's a quiet, peaceful patio. :D I remember the first time I went to a beach I was like "and people have sex out on this stuff?" I too thought the hay loft was a terrible idea, that's really pointy and HURTS.

However, I think the point in these is the chance of getting caught heightens the eroticism to the point you don't CARE about such things. Whether it would really heighten it that far, I don't know, but that's the idea.


message 5: by Stefofthehill (last edited Mar 03, 2014 11:03AM) (new)

Stefofthehill | 9 comments I loled. Than I read the line "In reality, she would be running to the nearest body of water to wash herself out to avoid getting pregnant (or an STD or a UTI). and my face was like

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Dear author, you do know it doesn't work like that, right?

But still, LOL.


message 6: by Marjorie (new)

Marjorie (marjoriequinn) | 118 comments Stefofthehill wrote: "I loled. Than I read the line "In reality, she would be running to the nearest body of water to wash herself out to avoid getting pregnant (or an STD or a UTI). and my face was like

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Dear au..."


Yeah...I hope she was trying to be funny.

I was thinking last month's read fit into this topic. When the condom broke and their was no panic or mention of it again. It did disturb me more than put me in the mood.


message 7: by V.M. (new)

V.M. Black (vmblack) | 23 comments I notice and, well, worry about it when characters don't clean up a bit SOMEhow, even if they just grab a corner of a scarf or something. As in, "After that quickie in the back of the car, is she really going around with that in her pants? Yes, yes she is." It's way worse when she's going commando in a skirt. I calculate where, in the next scene, it would likely reach her ankle.

Some of the others I disagree with, to some extent at least. But that one does distract.

I've honestly never read most of those cliches. I guess we don't read the same books. But it's funny because 99% of the time that purple prose in romance is attacked, it's something I've either never or almost never run into. Nary a heaving bosom nor a love canal.


message 8: by Valerie (new)

Valerie (darthval) | 75 comments Hehe..."Ms Magical Vagina."

I always have both an audio book and either a digital or DTE book going. Just last week on the same day, I actually experienced realistically awkward and uncomfortable deflowering scenes from 2 different books. I made note of it to give props in discussions/reviews.

Alas, this is not the norm. I especially "love" it when the virgin not only gets over her discomfort, but then goes on to have multiple Big Os that first time, all night long, in the sand, without washing up after. Then she walks home without her panties that were ripped off.

:)


message 9: by Serendi (new)

Serendi DTE book?


message 10: by Valerie (new)

Valerie (darthval) | 75 comments Dead tree edition....paper.


message 11: by Serendi (new)

Serendi Ah - thanks!


message 12: by Lurath (new)

Lurath | 4 comments I don't know, guys... I've had sex at the beach and a hay loft and both were very enjoyable and romantic.


message 13: by Jenny (new)

Jenny | 3 comments Oh god I laughed at the numbness setting in. Didn't really consider that before.


message 14: by Cara (new)

Cara Mia (Chickowits) | 196 comments Marie wrote: "I don't know, guys... I've had sex at the beach and a hay loft and both were very enjoyable and romantic."
I got a hay splinter at my sister's when i was young. It turned really red, painful, and nasty very quickly,and we pretty much had to cut it out because the hay kept tearing off in the tweezers. My naked nothing is being near hay, thank you.


message 15: by Lyson (new)

Lyson Smith | 18 comments I've had sex outside a few times. I was dating a girl and her Grandmother, who was her guardian, didn't like me. So she would sneak out to see me and since she couldn't come to my house. We didn't drive and had no cars as we were still in highschool, we wound up being together outside most often then not. It was never uncomfortable or awkward. And with my current girlfriend. We had sex near the river once and at the park(After hours). And the author doesn't really get grass. Grass doesn't come off in patches. Grass is hard to dislodge and the roots are neatly packed. Usually you can tear off a leaf or two but you aren't getting up the soil with your sex unless you're actively trying. So yeah, sex outside isn't necessarily more thrilling then it is inside, but it is exotic for most people


message 16: by Mia (new)

Mia (miambles) | 16 comments Lyson wrote: "And the author doesn't really get grass. Grass doesn't come off in patches. Grass is hard to dislodge and the roots are neatly packed."

Hmm, it depends on what kinds grass we're talking and on what kinda soil. What she described made me think of more meadowy and foresty grasses and really soft and loose soil that comes from all the decomposing vegetation in forests (I also couldn't help but to also imagine pine needles, fallen bits of bark and everything else that might be lying on the ground and get stuck in places). A tidy park grass that has all that upkeep and is usually on a less 'fluffy' soil is different...and probably more pleasant to mess around on.
< / the great grass debate of 2014 >


message 17: by Gunnhildur (new)

Gunnhildur Rúnarsdóttir (grafarholt) | 173 comments Stefofthehill wrote: "I loled. Than I read the line "In reality, she would be running to the nearest body of water to wash herself out to avoid getting pregnant (or an STD or a UTI). and my face was like

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Dear au..."


I seriously hope she knows better.
But like you said, it made me laugh.


Cassandra Stryffe | 33 comments And why is it that no one gettin' it on outside never stops mid coitus and runs inside to escape blood thirsty mosquitoes? I've had to do that several times.

And once after a picnic and sex in an orchard (on blanket!) we fell asleep. When we woke up there was a really, really pissed off deer staring at us. We ran like hell. Why is it that none of these things ever happen in books.

I think it would be hilarious to torture a character with realistic interruptions. When I am writing a love scene (or almost love scene) I do this to my characters all the time. And I giggle like an insane monkey the entire while.

And yes, I know I look weird, sitting all alone at my keyboard, giggling like a maniac.


message 19: by Gina (new)

Gina Briganti | 78 comments Cassandra wrote: "And why is it that no one gettin' it on outside never stops mid coitus and runs inside to escape blood thirsty mosquitoes? I've had to do that several times.

And once after a picnic and sex i..."


I have a great image in my head of you sitting all alone at your keyboard, giggling like a maniac.


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