Giulianzo's Plato’s Academy of Florence and the Confraternity of the Magi discussion

Critisism Please! > Wantest Thou Some Critisism?

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message 1: by Emma, la Magnifica! (new)

Emma Iadanza (emmaiadanza) | 497 comments Mod
Sign up here to be criticized :D

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message 3: by Emma, la Magnifica! (new)

Emma Iadanza (emmaiadanza) | 497 comments Mod
Very interesting.

When you say "I was a very good communicator," it doesn't exactly come across that way. I think that if you were to be a good communicator, you would've used more descriptive language. When you say 'people tended to trust me right up until the moment I choked the life out of them', I feel like you should explain more - maybe give an example. Like if he killed his girlfriend or wife, say, tell how he'd give her gifts and go to dinner, and she felt very close to him, but then he killed her, and explain what actually made him so upset.

Maybe some more description would be nice, too. When you say that at the alien psychologist/psychiatrist (or maybe they are called something else in this alien-inhabited earth) and he says that the music he likes is playing the background, maybe you could tell what kind of music it is - maybe he's a big Rossini fan, and 'non più mesta' is playing in the background; or maybe he really likes the Beatles or something.

Very nice, though :)

message 4: by Stan (new)

Stan Morris (morriss003) @Emma Thanks for the input.

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