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Weekly Poetry Stuffage > Week 191 (November 29-December 5) Poems. Topic: A Second Chance

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message 1: by [deleted user] (last edited Nov 29, 2013 01:41AM) (new)

You have until December 5th to post a poem and on December 6th and 7th we'll vote for which one we thought was best.

Please post directly into the topic and not a link. Please don't use a poem previously used in this group.

Please keep your poem to LESS than 3,500 words.

The topic this week is: A Second Chance

*Thanks to Kyra for the suggestion*

The rules are pretty loose. You could write a poem about anything that has to do with the subject. I do not care, but it must relate to the poem somehow.

Have fun!


message 2: by Mandy (new)

Mandy Blake | 1231 comments ***Fair warning it's a little bit dark, but also something that happens to women far too often.***

The Dark Side of Marriage


How is it that you stand here now,
After doing such an awful thing.
With the nerve to ask for my forgiveness,
For the pain that you did bring.
I entrusted you with my heart,
When I vowed to you my life.
What makes you think it would be okay,
To do that to your wife.
I promised to always make you happy,
And meet all of your needs.
How could I have known then,
The darkness of your deeds.
What did I ever do to you,
To turn you into this.
Or were always broken somewhere inside,
Was there something I did miss.
There was a time you adored me,
Treating me with so much love and charm.
Looking back now I wonder though,
Was I ever more than just a trophey on your arm.

The things you did to me that night,
Is not how you treat someone you love.
As you pinned me there upon our bed,
And pushed yourself in with a shove.
You forced yourself on me brutally,
In ways you know that I despise.
How can you pretend like you knew not,
When you saw the tears in my eyes.
And as you finally finished with me,
And I tried to crawl away.
You overpowered my once again,
Forcing me to stay.
You wrapped your arms around me tight,
And pulled me close to you.
Not allowing me to leave,
Until I said I loved you too.
I always knew your dark side came out,
When you had too much to drink.
Now I know just how far down,
Into hatred you can sink.

The next day you said it was a mistake,
Brought by drkinking that you promised to quit.
I also saw the smile you weren't quick enough to hide,
From the pain caused as I tried to sit.
I told my friends about what happened,
They said sometimes marriage goes that way.
And that I should be thankful,
For at least you did not stray.
It was barely over a week later,
The next time you stumbled home reeking of beer.
I locked myself in our tiny bathroom,
Overcome with fear.
I'm told that it's my job,
To keep my husband satisfied.
Now the thing that scares me most,
Is that I'm broken too inside.
And as you stand here now,
Asking for another second chance.
I recognize the look in your eye,
As you give my body a glance.


message 3: by Billie Jo (new)

Billie Jo (jojolov333) | 232 comments Wow. that was intense. it was very good though. very moving and emotional. and sad to say it does happen to some people. very great job.


message 4: by Jeff (new)

Jeff Very intense poem Mandy. A chilling narrative.


message 5: by Jeff (new)

Jeff Thin Ice

Crack.
Spiderwebs beneath my feet
Crack.
Think weightlessness
Splash
10,000 volts of icy electricity
Like looking up through a blurred broken window
Who knew this was a bad idea?
Goodbye mom.

Cold, wet, blanket of darkness
I thought the ice would hold
Seconds pass.
I scramble, anchors at my feet
The struggle slows
More seconds pass.
There's a doorway to my left, shrouded in light
it beckons

But then hope extends a blessed hand
Life reaches through the water
I feel the air, I feel the snow
A second chance


message 6: by Billie Jo (new)

Billie Jo (jojolov333) | 232 comments Very nice Jeff. I like it a lot. Especially the last stanza. Nicely put together. I'm having a difficult time thinking of a situation other than with relationships xD.


message 7: by Mandy (new)

Mandy Blake | 1231 comments Jeff; great job. I really liked the way you described going into the water.

Al, I love your piece. It has great flow, and builds perfectly to the end.


message 8: by Angie (new)

Angie Pangan | 4795 comments Al, I love your piece. It's beautiful and deep. Great job.


message 9: by Billie Jo (new)

Billie Jo (jojolov333) | 232 comments *I don't understand...*
By Billie Jo

I slip and drop,
I break and fall
I forget, I forgive
All I do is live, live, live

Why do you want me to stay?
I don't understand
I'm in so much pain
I don't need to be on this land

My life is less
I have no home
I am just worthless
So just let me go

You ask me to stay
To keep on trying
I don't see another way
They're always lying

They say I'll get better
I don't understand
With all the pressure I'm under
I don't think I can

"Stay strong, don't disappoint"
In my head I'm on that cliff
You say, "Let me be your point,
Let me help you live, live, live."

I really don't want to
Do you even care?
It's me, it's not you
I just don't wanna be here.

Give a kiss goodbye
Please, come hug me tight
I know this is a lie
Just let me say I'll be alright

Fake smiles are my thing
When you ask how I am in a friendly manner
I know you'll feel the sting
If I say "suicidal" as my answer.

But I don't want to make you blue
And since it's at your expense
I'll swallow that word and push through
And give life another glance.

Critique please :)


message 10: by Angie (new)

Angie Pangan | 4795 comments Billie Jo: That just broke my heart in every possible good way.


message 11: by Mandy (new)

Mandy Blake | 1231 comments Great job Billie Jo


message 12: by Angie (new)

Angie Pangan | 4795 comments Goodbye
by Angie Duenas


(I haven't written a poem in a while, so I'm sorry that it's a bit rough and awkward. I'd appreciate any criticism.)

You seem so happy with her.
It makes my chest ache
To recall what we once were.
Was it all a mistake?

I remember all we had.
We were happy at first,
But you were often so sad
And it only got worse.

I'm sorry for being a burden;
You always deserved much better
Than to have to fix a person.
You always forgave my temper.

But now it's all over,
All in the past.
We were a failure.
Should have known it wouldn't last.

As I watch you with her,
I'm left with a single choice:
Your decision, I'll honor,
Because I know how jealousy destroys.

I'm going to set you free.
What we had is gone.
I'm going to let you be happy.
My heart is broken, but I'll be strong.

I pray that she's good to you,
And that you're not burned by romance.
I hope that she stays true.
You always deserved this second chance.


message 13: by Garrison (new)

Garrison Kelly (cybador) | 9063 comments Angie, for someone who hasn't written a poem in centuries, you've certainly got the technique down perfectly. The rhyme scheme feels genuine, just like the content. Great job, girl! :)


message 14: by Angie (new)

Angie Pangan | 4795 comments Thank you :) I usually write longer poems, so I had trouble transitioning in from thought to thought.


message 15: by Garrison (new)

Garrison Kelly (cybador) | 9063 comments If it's length you're worried about, then I propose you set a standard for how long you want your prose and poetry to be. For me, whenever I write prose, I always shoot for three pages single spaced and when I write poetry, I shoot for one page single spaced. Do you already do something like that?


message 16: by Angie (new)

Angie Pangan | 4795 comments Yeah, I write it in a notebook and it's usually around a page and a half, front and back, two columns.


message 17: by Garrison (new)

Garrison Kelly (cybador) | 9063 comments Good girl. :)


message 18: by Angie (new)

Angie Pangan | 4795 comments :)


message 19: by Garrison (new)

Garrison Kelly (cybador) | 9063 comments In the words of Red Green, "I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together." :)


message 20: by Angie (new)

Angie Pangan | 4795 comments Thank you for the encouragement, Garrison.


message 21: by Garrison (new)

Garrison Kelly (cybador) | 9063 comments You're always welcome. :)


message 22: by Angie (new)

Angie Pangan | 4795 comments Ok. I should probably go to sleep now. Good night. :)


message 23: by Garrison (new)

Garrison Kelly (cybador) | 9063 comments Goodnight, Angie. Have dreams about puppies and kitties. ^_^


message 24: by Angie (new)

Angie Pangan | 4795 comments I'll try. :)


message 25: by Billie Jo (new)

Billie Jo (jojolov333) | 232 comments Angie wrote: "Billie Jo: That just broke my heart in every possible good way."

Thank you....I think. I wrote it a few days ago...


message 26: by Billie Jo (new)

Billie Jo (jojolov333) | 232 comments Mandy wrote: "Great job Billie Jo"

Thank you


message 27: by M (last edited Dec 06, 2013 07:13AM) (new)

M | 11047 comments No. 5 Cypress Court


Drunk, with a bottle in my hand,
I followed her inside. She wore
a sleeveless dress, a black headband,
and shivered as she shut the door
against the drifting mists of night.
She tossed her handbag on a chair.
In stanzas rain scrawled by streetlight,
its script tendrils of long brown hair
that fell across her closing eyes,
an autumn’s thunder shook the ground.
She uttered, with our fall and rise,
an unsated, primeval sound.
Sleep held but dreams of cocktail trays,
her jacket’s tailored herringbone,
her strike of heels in old hallways
and on the courtyard’s broken stone.


message 28: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments So good, M! I'm only just catching up on the competition threads now, I've had a lot going on this week.
I love your seventh and eighth lines, they are right up there with the best I've read.


message 29: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments That's a real heart-breaker, Angie. You've managed to express the emotions in such a genuine way and the lack of bitterness makes me really empathize with the narrator. Just lovely.


message 30: by M (new)

M | 11047 comments Thank you, Ryan!


message 31: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Fantastic, Billie Jo! Once again, I love your sense of rhythm. Reading through your poem makes me want to sit down with my guitar and try to put music to it. And those last two stanzas are just brilliant!


message 32: by Ryan (last edited Dec 04, 2013 04:50PM) (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments You're welcome, M. Thank you for another great poem. I really like the title, what inspired it?


message 33: by Angie (new)

Angie Pangan | 4795 comments Thank you Ryan!

And M, that was wonderful.


message 34: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments So clever, Al. What a deep, thoughtful poem. I thought it was heading somewhere else entirely but I love how you've ended it. Really strong.


message 35: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Very descriptive, Jeff. You paint the scene so vividly in your early lines that your conclusion comes as a realistic gasp of fresh air. I really like what you've done with this poem and the way you've conveyed the feelings of terror followed by relief.


message 36: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments So very dark and startling, Mandy. You haven't shirked away at all and your narrative style is very intense and haunting. The turn your final lines take is chilling. You've done a great job of painting such hopelessness and horror.


message 37: by M (new)

M | 11047 comments Thank you, Angie! I enjoyed reading “Goodbye.” It’s a challenge to write short lines of alternating rhyme, and I thought you did a great job of it.

Ryan, for the title, I wanted something specific yet generic. I’d better stop talking or I’ll get into a whole philosophy of writing.


message 38: by Angie (new)

Angie Pangan | 4795 comments Thank you M! I was kind of uncertain about the rhyme scheme, but you've made me feel better :)


message 39: by M (new)

M | 11047 comments Thank you, Alex! It’s easier for me to get motivated to write rhyming verse. I have no idea why.


message 40: by Jim (new)

Jim Agustin (jim_pascual_agustin) | 625 comments this is from a loooong time ago (August 1998). hoping it fits...

-o-

The Scar Examined at Midnight


Tell me about that. That scar.

It is a burn. Something has grown
over it that mimics skin.
Feel.

My memory goes blurry
when you smoke.
I know you need to, but please don’t. 
Or I won’t tell you the story.

It is not a burn. 
more like a reminder.
Like some people stick notes
above doorknobs

so as not to forget
something they must take
before leaving.

I threw my arms around this woman
who wanted to leap into the fire.
But it was too late.

We held each other too late.

Tell me about that.
Yes, tell me about that.


-o-


message 41: by Billie Jo (new)

Billie Jo (jojolov333) | 232 comments Ryan wrote: "Fantastic, Billie Jo! Once again, I love your sense of rhythm. Reading through your poem makes me want to sit down with my guitar and try to put music to it. And those last two stanzas are just b..."

Awww thanks so much, Ryan! I didn't know where exactly it was going but i guess my writing side took over. That inspires me to want to write more. Thank you!


message 42: by M (last edited Dec 05, 2013 04:37PM) (new)

M | 11047 comments Billie Jo’s “I don’t understand” has a refreshing directness about it, with the effect that the speaker, who is feeling suicidal, comes across as the one who has a grasp on matters, while her interlocutor can’t be receptive to anything but a fake smile and swallowed words.

Though heartbroken and hot-tempered, the speaker in Angie’s “Goodbye” knows that “jealousy destroys,” and finds it in her heart to wish the best for the man who has left her for someone else. A nicely written poem, with alternating rhyme.

There’s something haunting and urgent about Jim’s “The Scar Examined at Midnight.” The poem has two speakers, but I don’t get a clear sense of whether the speaker in italics is an inner voice or an actual interrogator, whether the speaker is being questioned, is recalling an interrogation, or is trying to come to terms with the memory of the events that left the scar. This is a moving, introspective poem that insists on being read on more than one level, in a sort of stereo sound of the heart and mind.


message 43: by Maya (new)

Maya Nelle (httpswwwgoodreadscommaya_nelle) Full of Regret


I never asked for a second chance

Because what I really needed

Was to erase time

Erase memory

And get my first chance

Back again


message 44: by Ryan (last edited Dec 05, 2013 08:02PM) (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments The Rising

When towers we once built
return to dust
and quartz and silt,
don’t despair, don't bespeak guilt
for we will dream again.

Although the lost boys cry,
we cannot help
and must not try.
They chose their paths and so they die
that we might live again.

The sky above weeps acid rain.
It's time to go,
or go insane.
Where once we waxed, we quickly wane
but our star will shine again.

Night is closing ever faster.
A prophet's dream,
the meek now master.
Hold my hand, forever after,
you and I will rise again.

~ R ~

any critique welcome


message 45: by Maya (new)

Maya Nelle (httpswwwgoodreadscommaya_nelle) Well, that was astoundingly beautiful ^. *sounds of resounding applause


message 46: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Thank you, Maya. That's really nice of you :)


message 47: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Hiya, Cap'n! Sorry - loooooooooooong week. How are you?


message 48: by Angie (new)

Angie Pangan | 4795 comments Jim:

I love the way you wrote that as a conversation and the way you built up the expectation for the rest of the story.


message 49: by Angie (new)

Angie Pangan | 4795 comments Maya:

Wow. There's so much power in so few words...


message 50: by Angie (new)

Angie Pangan | 4795 comments Ryan:

I really loved your rhyme scheme. I felt that it complemented your varying meter and rhythm quite nicely.


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