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message 1: by ✿ αzzι ✿ (new)

✿ αzzι ✿ (azziplz) Heeeeeeelloooooooo! This is the poetry folder some people have requested! Enjoy! :D

And just to start the ball rolling, a poem I wrote last year...

(it was a haiku but with one extra syllable :P)

Petals unfolding
Like a flower in the sun
Life unfolds before me

:P Yeah, I suck at poetry.


message 2: by sᴏᴘʜ|☂ (new)

sᴏᴘʜ|☂ (nowoffish) no its good Ari!!!!


message 3: by ✿ αzzι ✿ (new)

✿ αzzι ✿ (azziplz) LOL no


message 4: by sᴏᴘʜ|☂ (new)

sᴏᴘʜ|☂ (nowoffish) LOL yes!


message 5: by Jasmine (new)

Jasmine | 33 comments Critical condition,
Past frustration,
Way to late,
To open my gates,
Scars and riddles,
Scatter and littered,
Across fair ocean,
All that's left are shadows,
Scenes,
From a movie screen,
Before my eyes,
But I tried,
To find a way,
But there was nothing left to say,
Not way out,
With only doubt,
My heart still beats,
But its a feat,
I cry,
I try,
Still nothingness reigns,
I feel drained,
So long sleeves enter my closet,
As summer closes,
Snowflakes well fall,
So well we all,
Cuts and bruises,
Its so abusive,
What you can cause to yourself,
I feel ill,
I feel unheard,
My heart is hard,
Going to slow,
I'll take a vow,
To leave,
And to grieve,
To be happy one day,
But my actions don't follow what I say,
Use your head,
It'd be better if I were just dead.


message 6: by Lot (new)

Lot (lot1) | 21 comments Angels and roses

Angels are in the light
And roses are in the dark,
Their wings are very white
And their petals are like a mark...

A mark for what I really am
A mark for what I supposed to be,
A fly for who is calm
And a fly for who is free...

All is kept in a lie
And all is found when we die,
But do we really know
What we really want to show?


message 7: by Dana (new)

Dana Smythe | 273 comments Mod
2-sided wrote: "Critical condition,
Past frustration,
Way to late,
To open my gates,
Scars and riddles,
Scatter and littered,
Across fair ocean,
All that's left are shadows,
Scenes,
From a movie screen,
Before my ..."


Can I suggest that you alter the punctuation so that you don't have commas after every line? It would make the poem a lot more dynamic if some lines didn't have commas, and others had dashes instead of commas, or even periods.

For example:
Critical condition,
Past frustration,
Way too late
To open my gates,
Scars and riddles,
Scatter and littered,
Across fair ocean -
All that's left are shadows.
Scenes,
From a movie screen,
Before my eyes -
But I tried
To find a way -
But there was nothing left to say.
No way out
With only doubt,
My heart still beats,
But its a feat,
I cry,
I try,
Still nothingness reigns.
I feel drained,
So long sleeves enter my closet,
As summer closes,
Snowflakes will fall,
So will we all...
Cuts and bruises,
Its so abusive,
What you can cause to yourself -
I feel ill,
I feel unheard,
My heart is hard,
Going to slow,
I'll take a vow,
To leave,
And to grieve,
To be happy one day,
But my actions don't follow what I say.
Use your head -
It'd be better if I were just dead.

I have some other suggestions as well, but I didn't post them right away - not all poets welcome criticism, I know. But if you are interested, just let me know. In general though it's rather compelling - the meter and the vocabulary really pick the reader up and carry them into the speaker's downward spiral.


message 8: by georgiabread (new)

georgiabread | 30 comments I Sit in the Shadows

I sit in the shadows
I am alone
I am forgotten
I have no one to look to
I am cold
I am hopeless
I wait for death
I am grieving
I am depressed
I sit in the shadows
I am alone
I am forgotten


message 9: by Benjamin (new)

Benjamin Stahl (lukeneely) | 7 comments Ariane *Daughter of Athena* wrote: "Heeeeeeelloooooooo! This is the poetry folder some people have requested! Enjoy! :D

And just to start the ball rolling, a poem I wrote last year...

(it was a haiku but with one extra syllable :P)..."


No, it's nice. Haiku is supposed to be nice and simple yet beautifully visual, and this had a nice, uplifting image in it. Embracing life like a blossoming flower :)


message 10: by Benjamin (last edited Dec 01, 2013 06:50AM) (new)

Benjamin Stahl (lukeneely) | 7 comments THE WINDOW

That girl in the window,
propped doll-like, and motionless, over the pane.
She stares like a house cat,
waiting timelessly … time and again.
Her eyes are like thistles, embittered and sharp.
But she stares with such sadness,
like dying embers, after dark.
She sits there on Saturday,
and Sunday 'till noon.
But then she fades backwards,
to dust motes, and gloom ...

I think she resents us, the way her brow curves.
And staring from darkness,
she seems so full of hurt.
But why, the town tells me, is not truly known.
For that house is empty, the fires since blown.
But still, do I see her ... that face, dead and cold
She stares from the window,
her legend grown old ...


message 11: by Dana (last edited Dec 01, 2013 09:09AM) (new)

Dana Smythe | 273 comments Mod
Benjamin wrote: "THE WINDOW

That girl in the window,
propped doll-like, and motionless, over the pane.
She stares like a house cat,
waiting timelessly … time and again.
Her eyes are like thistles, embittered and s..."


That has some very powerful lines...there are also some rough spots, but overall it has a very solid base. Nicely done!


message 12: by Benjamin (new)

Benjamin Stahl (lukeneely) | 7 comments Dana wrote: "Benjamin wrote: "THE WINDOW

That girl in the window,
propped doll-like, and motionless, over the pane.
She stares like a house cat,
waiting timelessly … time and again.
Her eyes are like thistles,..."


Thankyou, it is a very rough poem that I wrote at a writers group. I don't write poetry much, but any feedback is very helpful. Cheers Dana :)


message 13: by Dana (new)

Dana Smythe | 273 comments Mod
No problem Benjamin - let me know if you actually do want more specific feedback, as I can send you a pm if you want. I don't know how much work you were planning on putting into polishing it. : )


message 14: by Benjamin (new)

Benjamin Stahl (lukeneely) | 7 comments Oh, that's alright, it's merely a poem that I hadn't wanted to chuck out. I generally only focus on writing stories. Thanks heaps for the offer though. I do plan on writing some poetry-based stuff in some of my books - mostly for comedic effect - but I'll certainly run them by on here if ever I do write them :)


message 15: by ✿ αzzι ✿ (new)

✿ αzzι ✿ (azziplz) Theses are all great, but could you please create a different thread for each of your poems? In the 'Poetry' folder. Thanks, and you're all great at poetry! :)
-Ariane-


message 16: by Jasmine (new)

Jasmine | 33 comments Dana wrote: "2-sided wrote: "Critical condition,
Past frustration,
Way to late,
To open my gates,
Scars and riddles,
Scatter and littered,
Across fair ocean,
All that's left are shadows,
Scenes,
From a movie sc..."


Please do tell me what you have in mind. I may not change it but I'm open to suggestions.


message 17: by Grumpy (new)

Grumpy Mann (grumpymann) | 2 comments I'm a writer of kid's comedy poetry, a rare genre. I have a mountain of stuff.... but you try getting it published... :D

Anyway. I'll have fun peeking at everyone's submissions and may throw a verse or two into the mix at some time...


message 18: by Dana (new)

Dana Smythe | 273 comments Mod
@David - welcome. : )

@Jamie - I will definitely post my other suggestions for you, but per Ariane's earlier request I'm going to do so in a different thread.


message 19: by georgiabread (new)

georgiabread | 30 comments My brother fell from a tree

When my brother fell from a tree
It must have hurt a LOT
But all he did was scrape his knee
And cry, he did not!
When my brother fell from a tree
He disturbed a golden hive
From their home flew the bees
And stung him on the hide!
When my brother fell from a tree
I smiled, laughed and pointed
It was such a funny thing to see
But my mother was quite disappointed!


message 20: by sᴏᴘʜ|☂ (new)

sᴏᴘʜ|☂ (nowoffish) GAB wrote: "My brother fell from a tree

When my brother fell from a tree
It must have hurt a LOT
But all he did was scrape his knee
And cry, he did not!
When my brother fell from a tree
He disturbed a golden ..."


I love it!


message 21: by georgiabread (new)

georgiabread | 30 comments Thank you!


message 22: by Maria (new)

Maria Tarvis-proulx | 1 comments Attic Mice ~ by M.J. Tarvis. 2013. Flowers in the attic series, The story and characters are of V.C. Andrews. I have written a poetry summary of the book. The poem is my original work based in the story and characters of V.C. Andrews

When their father died,
The four children cried
He was their life
But something dark was changing his wife
From her mother she received a note
In reply to all the letters she wrote
They were to move to another state
Today, not another date
Only 1 suitcase each she said to her daughter and son
I will bring you what you need to have fun
Four children packed and left behind their past
Life with their father had gone by too fast
Their mother said they were going into a rich family
When her father dies, you soon will see
The money flowing down into your hands
Soon my little darlings you will understand
A big house, a grandmother, and a room with double beds
All around the room were pictures of the dead
"Just a few days" the mother cried
Just another lie since she became her half Uncle's/brother's bride
Alone in the room, the children began to pray
But then the grandmother came back to have her say
'"God sees everything and will punish you"
As she stared into all four eyes of blue
For three years the children suffered pain
From a grandmother so evil and vain
Four little attic mice pawns in their mother's game,
Life was never going to be the same
One little mice poisoned by fate
On his way to Heaven's Gate
Although they escaped that Hell
Life on the outside didn't go very well
Another attic mouse couldn't live anymore
Questioning what her life is for
The thorns of the flowers that failed to bloom
Contained in a room full of doom
And although through all the tears throughout the years
Fate had its way like it knew it would someday
Four attic mice with no chance at all
Began to die at the hands and evil at Foxworth hall
V.C. AndrewsDollanganger Boxed Set: Flowers in the Attic / If There Be Thorns / Petals on the Wind / Seeds of Yesterday / Garden of Shadows


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