The Hunger Games (The Hunger Games, #1) The Hunger Games discussion


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My Writing :)

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Kenzi I really like these though the first one confuses me slightly. But they are really good. If you want to you can join my creative writing group to post them in where more people will read it :) really they are great though I like the second one the best


Richard nice language but they are both a little alienating in the construction, as though you would prefer the reader to not totally comprehend what you are talking about. the first one, for my tastes, is a little too teenage. that's not a bad thing but for me it didn't quite work

also with the first one although it's obvious you're not rhyming an occasional comfort rhyme or piece of phrasing can be a relief for the reader, almost a hook

eg

I have an impenetrable encasement.
A shell.
Will my shell weaken?
Because I would like to know me well

i'd have done as

I have an impenetrable encasement.
A shell. Could it ever weaken?
Could I know myself as well.

just comments though, keep writing


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