Weekly Short Stories Contest and Company! discussion

37 views
Weekly Poetry Stuffage > Week 180 (September 1st - Sept 8th). Poems: Topic: Paper Cut

Comments Showing 1-50 of 86 (86 new)    post a comment »
« previous 1

message 1: by Guy (last edited Sep 01, 2013 04:10PM) (new)

Guy (egajd) | 11091 comments You have until end of day Sept 8th to post a poem, and from Sept 9th to end of day Sept 14th we’ll vote for which one we enjoyed the most.

Please post directly into the topic and not a link. Please don’t use a poem previously used in this group.

Your poem may be any length. However, poems significantly more than 3000 stanzas long may not be fully read.

This week’s topic is: Paper Cut. (My thanks to Kat for providing the suggestion.)

The rules are pretty loose. Write a poem about anything that has to do with the topic. We do not care, but the poem you post is to relate to the topic somehow, even if very loosely or metaphorically.

Above all, have fun!


message 2: by Kristen (new)

Kristen Marincic Hiestermann | 519 comments hmmm, interesting topic


message 3: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lyonessrampant) | 2867 comments Me? Lol. You're welcome, then. XD


message 4: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Pressed Eucalyptus
(eucalyptus camaldelensis)

I.

The worn, russet couch opens its cracked maw
and swallows me whole. A cool embrace and scent
of old leather finds a chink in my mind's armour.
A vision of you sneaks in. Tanned legs barely covered
by worn denim cut-offs wake buttermilk thoughts
of caramel ice and sunshine.

II.

Cicada-song outside jolts sleep from the room. I wake
into a twilit summer's warm, mottled hues. Time
moves slowly, my skin breathes out. Freshly-cut lawn
flavours the scant breeze, creeping past the fly screen
to tickle my mind. In the depths of the couch, my sleeping back
has unwittingly found your old sketchbook.

III.

Lazy river Sundays seep from pages, as dry as the memories.
Moments and scenes captured in charcoal-scratched stasis,
your hand always as sure as your eye. A pressed-flower fallen
from our Red River Gum is caught between pages. I slam the book
shut and it slides away. You would have smiled to see
how deeply the paper cut.

~ R ~

any comments or critique appreciated


message 5: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lyonessrampant) | 2867 comments AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. As always, Ryan, fantastic job with wonderful imagery and just full on amazingness.


message 6: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Hey, Kat! Thank you so much :)


message 7: by Ajay (new)

Ajay (ajay_n) | 1135 comments WOW! Ryan! This is stunning, mate! I'd love to hear it. What imagery, beautiful writing!


message 8: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Thanks, Ajay! I really appreciate it, mate.


message 9: by Guy (last edited Sep 01, 2013 09:32PM) (new)

Guy (egajd) | 11091 comments Ryan, excellent! The closing three lines are as good a closing as I've read in a very long time. The feeling and imagery of the second chapter/stanza is sublime.

I had one peculiar reaction, though. The juxtaposition between 'buttermilk' and 'caramel'. I bake and cook with buttermilk, and the flavour clash between the heavy milky sourness of the buttermilk and the cloying sweetness of caramel gives me pause. Perhaps instead of caramel ice, something like blueberry scone?

Funny I would suggest an 'improvement' with this poem because this is amongst your very best poems. A true delight to read. And I am sure hearing it would be equally delightful.


message 10: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Thanks for your feedback, Guy. I really look forward to seeing how you receive my poems.

The juxtaposition you mentioned was intentional for exactly the reason you've stated. I was trying to say that the once-sweet memory of eating caramel ice in the sunshine (inspired by her tanned legs) brought a sour taste (buttermilk) due to things that came after...

Does that make sense?


message 11: by Guy (new)

Guy (egajd) | 11091 comments It does! You have therefore achieved the effect you wanted. No more need be said!

Truly excellent writing, Ryan. One of your very best. Are you going to record yourself reading it for us?


message 12: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments I think it would sound much nicer in dulcet Canadian tones ;)


message 13: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments And thank you for the praise, Guy.


message 14: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lyonessrampant) | 2867 comments Awww, but it's so much better when the author reads it. Adds a bit more to it, ya know?


message 15: by [deleted user] (new)

Do you sing, Ryan?


message 16: by Ajay (new)

Ajay (ajay_n) | 1135 comments I know for a fact that he plays the guitar. So I'd like to assume that he sings too. After all, he is the Wizard of Oz. So we guys can expect magic from him, any day, any time :)


message 17: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Haha, you are all a bit crazy ;)


message 18: by Guy (new)

Guy (egajd) | 11091 comments 'Dulcet Canadian'? LOL! I didn't know that Canadian had such a thing!

I wonder if we could encourage Ryan to put some chords to it and turn it into a youtube trend setter?


message 19: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments I wish I could sing, Leslie. Sadly, the few nursery rhymes I torture my boys with each night have shown me just how bad I am! How about you? For some reason I imagine you have a lovely singing voice...


message 20: by [deleted user] (new)

Hmmm, for some reason too, I find it hard to believe that you can't sing :P I can sing but I've been told that my voice is annoying lol


message 21: by Kristen (new)

Kristen Marincic Hiestermann | 519 comments beautiful work Ryan.


message 22: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Thank you, Kristen :)


message 23: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments I really don't think my Australian accent was made for reading poetry, this is the best I could do. I apologise in advance.

Mods - please let me know if you'd rather I stick this somewhere else and I'll move it. I wasn't sure.

https://soundcloud.com/stone-rayn


message 24: by Caitlan (last edited Sep 03, 2013 10:49AM) (new)

Caitlan (lyonessrampant) | 2867 comments I just realized that the poem I wrote for a tourney on deviantArt fits this week's topic. Lol.




Winter Wanderlust
by Kat Zufelt

Reading Here



i.

Last winter you kissed me
under the light of your
favorite constellation;
our entwined "I Do's"
floated up to become
diamonds
lodged in the sky.
Every morning I woke
to a warm cup of Earl Grey
and a passionate kiss
on the counter top,
hoping the marred wood
wouldn't give way beneath me.

I'd even let you look
over my shoulder
as I poured my soul
onto a piece of paper,
handwritten memories
tinged with sepia and
wanderlust.

ii.

A whirlwind of postcards and
newspaper clippings.
That's what you called me.

iii.

Our walls
were painted
with verses of
my favorite poets.
From Eliot's
wasteland
to the simple,
beautiful
lines from the
threadbare man
we met
on St Rose
bridge.

I taped his poem above
the bathroom mirror. I still remember
the way his face lit up when you
handed him that hundred dollar bill.
He thanked us with his written words.

iv.

We never did come home
from our honeymoon, did we?
Whenever you kissed my paper cut
fingers, my spine sang with vibrato.

v.

Then your "Monday flowers"
didn't show up at work.
I knew something was wrong.
I came home to an empty house;
scattered sheets and torn pieces
of paper on the walls.
the only poem left was the one
above the mirror --

did the sight of it
fill you with despair?
Was it so strong that you
had to leave it fluttering,

there,

with your heart in the trashcan?


message 25: by Guy (new)

Guy (egajd) | 11091 comments Ryan wrote: "I really don't think my Australian accent was made for reading poetry, this is the best I could do. I apologise in advance.

Mods - please let me know if you'd rather I stick this somewhere else a..."


Loved it! Great poem and hearing your emphasis and inflection increased its power. Thank you for reading it. :-)


message 26: by Guy (new)

Guy (egajd) | 11091 comments Kat, this was a great read. The last line made me laugh out loud! Such a funny last line. Thank you.


message 27: by Ajay (new)

Ajay (ajay_n) | 1135 comments I'm with Guy. Loved it, R! Nice accent by the way! And yes, this is one of your best poems!


message 28: by Ajay (new)

Ajay (ajay_n) | 1135 comments Beautiful, Kat!


message 29: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Fantastic, Kat! The progression and imagery is fantastic. You've painted so many strong and realistic scenes.

Thank you, Guy and Ajay. I just listened again - terrible!


message 30: by Guy (new)

Guy (egajd) | 11091 comments LOL! That's how I react to hearing my voice. And your reading was the opposite of terrible.


message 31: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lyonessrampant) | 2867 comments Thanks, guys. *huggle*

I react the same way to hearing my voice, Ryan. I think it's just part of the human condition.


message 32: by Jim (last edited Sep 02, 2013 10:04PM) (new)

Jim Agustin (jim_pascual_agustin) | 625 comments Ryan, that was cool! Great to hear your voice, and really nice reading of an amazing poem! :)


message 33: by Jim (new)

Jim Agustin (jim_pascual_agustin) | 625 comments Kat, that's quite something.


message 34: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lyonessrampant) | 2867 comments Thank you Jim. I appreciate that.


message 35: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Thank you, Jim.


message 36: by Guy (new)

Guy (egajd) | 11091 comments Now, I wonder if Kat would consent to uploading her reading her poem? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge! Mwahahahahahahahahahahha! (LOL!)


message 37: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments It is only fair after making everyone suffer through mine ;o)


message 38: by [deleted user] (new)

Yes, Kat I forgot to say earlier that I love your poem :) I would love to hear you read it :D

Ryan, I listened and yey, I didn't suffer :)) It was nice to hear your voice.


message 39: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lyonessrampant) | 2867 comments I will record it tomorrow. And I'll be able to listen to Ryan's tomorrow as well. But I'm absolutely positive that it's amazing.


message 40: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Ah, you're too kind Leslie ;)


message 41: by Kristen (new)

Kristen Marincic Hiestermann | 519 comments excellent Kat. And Ryan, your reading was lovely :)


message 42: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Thank you, Kristen!


message 43: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lyonessrampant) | 2867 comments Okay, the reading is done. You can find it here: https://soundcloud.com/drippingwords/...

I edited the poem some more, so I updated the post that contains it, and added the reading link there as well.


message 44: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Now THAT is how a poem should sound! Sensational, Kat! So beautiful ;)


message 45: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lyonessrampant) | 2867 comments Thank you very much Ryan.


message 46: by Billie Jo (new)

Billie Jo (jojolov333) | 232 comments *Paper Uses*

A thin sheet
It can be colorful or white
You write what you want
And draw unique designs
It'll capture the moments
You hold close to your heart
It can be glue back together
When it gets tore apart
Sometimes it can be soft
But rough on the side
It can be shaped into many things
Or cut into a different size
Decoration
Or creative creatures
Paper graffiti
And graphic features
2-D, 3-D
Or two in one
Soft sheets, rough sheets
All for fun
This paper though
Can be difficult at times
It could "bite" your fingers
And hurt for a long time


message 47: by [deleted user] (new)

Wow, Kat! I love it :))


message 48: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lyonessrampant) | 2867 comments Thanks Leslie!


message 49: by Jocelyn (Ducky) (new)

Jocelyn (Ducky) (ducky113) Ryan: Oh, it's wonderful. The imagery is incredible. And when you read it it made the words float off the page and spin around like leaves from the trees. It was wonderful.
Kat: I like it a lot. Especially listening to it. Shakespeare's poems were meant to be read aloud, as was our American Declaration of Independence, and these poems are examples of why.

Billie Jo: Haha, nice. I like the rhyme scheme and the fact that it seems lighthearted but goes deep.


Ryan, Kat, I think you've inspired me. I might try recording some of my own poems read aloud.


message 50: by Kristen (new)

Kristen Marincic Hiestermann | 519 comments i might have just come across an idea for this week after Billie Jo's poem...


« previous 1
back to top