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General Discussion > My Book Description- Need opinion.

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message 1: by Hannah (new)

Hannah (normalgirl) | 398 comments Where does she find herself again? It's confusing when you don't use commas to break things up appropriately.


message 2: by Jonathan (new)

Jonathan Jefferson (drjonathantjefferson) | 1 comments idk: a bit too much info packed in here. Maybe leave out the hospital and good man she met. Might be my personal bias thought; not a romantic.


message 3: by Hannah (new)

Hannah (normalgirl) | 398 comments It seems too jumbled together and none of the piece go together. It jumps from one thought to the next.


message 4: by Kristi (last edited Aug 24, 2013 06:41PM) (new)

Kristi Cramer (kristicramer) | 84 comments You have a lot of ‘tag lines’ or ‘hooks’ and not a lot of solid information about the plot. A blurb should provide enough goods to give the reader an idea of the main plot line. It shouldn’t be so enigmatical that the reader can’t figure out what is going on.

Not knowing the actual story, I took a stab at a blurb to give you an idea of a tight blurb that should draw a reader in.

“Annabelle Brighton is hurtled into the unknown when she wakes alone, her memory a blank slate. Her frantic search for answers leads her to the police, and Alexander, the officer assigned to protect her who just happens to be a vampire. Alex takes her to a "special" hospital where she can get help, and there she learns she has a gift for helping people. But as a dangerous stalker closes in, Annabelle realizes that what she doesn’t know about her past could destroy the fragile life she is trying to build out of thin air.”


message 5: by Hannah (new)

Hannah (normalgirl) | 398 comments Now that sounds SO good!


message 6: by Debbie's Spurts (D.A.) (last edited Aug 24, 2013 07:01PM) (new)

Debbie's Spurts (D.A.) Hannah wrote: "Where does she find herself again? It's confusing when you don't use commas to break things up appropriately."

I'm seeing a lot of missing commas making for odd sentence structure as well. Kristi's re-write is a much more active voice.


message 7: by Hannah (new)

Hannah (normalgirl) | 398 comments Well, you can still adopt her style of a blurb and fill it in with the appropriate information.


message 8: by Kristi (new)

Kristi Cramer (kristicramer) | 84 comments It was just an example. Choose information that will help the reader understand what they are going to find. If her memory loss isn't the first thing that happens in the storyline (not the timeline) then don't put it first. If she discovers that Alex was already assigned to protect her, then say that. If she goes to the hospital to jog her memory, explain why she decides to go there. If vampires and 'supes' are commonly accepted, as opposed to a secret society, that should be explained, too. It is a fine line to walk to hook your reader without confusing them or giving away too much information. Keep tweaking it to make it work.


message 9: by J. (new)

J. (jguenther) | 128 comments Stephanie wrote: "I am in the process of publishing a supernatural romance novel.
This is my novels Description- I need advice on it and if you think it's good or if I should change it?
Any help is much appreciated...."


Stephanie, I hope you have lined up someone to do a close edit of the manuscript before you publish. The draft description signals that the book itself is probably not quite ready, despite what appears to be a fascinating story line.


message 10: by Kristi (new)

Kristi Cramer (kristicramer) | 84 comments J. wrote: "Stephanie, I hope you have lined up someone to do a close edit of the manuscript before you publish. The draft description signals that the book itself is probably not quite ready, despite what appears to be a fascinating story line..."

Agreed. I use a professional copy editor and she always helps me get my writing tight. I wouldn't dream of publishing without her.


message 11: by J. (new)

J. (jguenther) | 128 comments Stephanie wrote: "I have it with an editor as we speak...I don't want to give too much away..."

Excellent! Yes, don't reveal any surprises. Just make sure the blurb is 100% clear to the reader, has no typos or punctuation errors, AND piques their interest. Joining a workshop would be a big help over the long haul, as well.


message 12: by Ros (new)

Ros Jackson | 5 comments The blurb tells me a little about the genre and a few things that happen in the novel, but not enough about what the book is about. Is identity the main theme, or something else? And what kind of person is Annabelle? Try to use your blurb to give a flavour of both of these, and it will be more appealing.

"But what’s missing? What doesn't she know? What’s lurking just under the surface of her life?" Here you've said the same thing three times, so that's something you need to watch out for.


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