Young Adult Roleplay discussion

26 views
Outside Writing > Iesha story^.^

Comments Showing 1-7 of 7 (7 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Iesha (In east shade house at...) (last edited Jun 10, 2013 08:39PM) (new)

Iesha (In east shade house at...) (emberblue) | 8427 comments Mod
Here's the first chapter of my story. It does have a title, but I want to keep it hidden because I'm thinking about turning it into a book. Free free to read it and tell me what you think.

http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/3...


message 2: by Hannah (new)

Hannah Rauenzahn (morelle14) | 11526 comments Mod
That was cool!


Iesha (In east shade house at...) (emberblue) | 8427 comments Mod
Thank you:)


message 4: by Alice (new)

Alice (alice20) Awesome job


Iesha (In east shade house at...) (emberblue) | 8427 comments Mod
So any ifeas on where i should take my story or constructive. criticism. i take both positive and negative remarks


message 7: by Alice (new)

Alice (alice20) I'm sorry I didn't give an in depth review before... But here it is know :)

I really love your writing in this story, Iesha! It flows so nicely and has a professional tone to it, and I just love your descriptive language. The world building was exquisite, and the imagery was too. I also really like the idea. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that chapter was kind of like a prologue introducing the mother, right? (In your story description you say that it's about a mother protecting a daughter)

One thing I suggest you work on is your grammar. You don't have serious issues like rumors or capitalization errors, but there was a lot of disagreement with past and present tense in your story. Like you would have a couple of verbs in the past tense, and then some in the present tense, so I would recommend you meticulously go over every verb you have in the story and make sure that all of them are in the same tense.

Other than that, this was such a well developed, well written story! ;) Are you planning to add on to it?


back to top