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message 1: by John (new)

John | 1 comments Dear Diary,
Let me begin with high school. 9th grade was a scary time in a new school. Not having any friends because I was new to the area was tough enough. Being put into a new world of freedom was very overwhelming. As the year progressed I started making friends and aquantences. Slowly getting to know everyones names and faces. In 10th grade I met a girl that I thought was cute. She had been going out with the same boyfriend since middle school. I really liked her. I sent her a note in class one time saying "Hi, my name is John". She smiled and sent the note back telling me her name was Angelica. I can't remember how things happened but we started talking more and more and eventually became good friends. I asked her if she used aim, an instan messaging program on the computer, and she did. So I got her username and we chatted online. She told me all sorts of things about her current relashionship and how her boyfriend abused her. I felt really bad and enraged about that, but I never did anything. I started to send her wakeup messages on aim with her horroscope. I thought it was a nice thing to do and back then I was really into the signs compatability. Her sign and mine are a really good match. Eventually she dumped the first boyfriend. I was there with her on aim talking with her late into the night until she would fall asleep. This happened for a long time. Eventually she started hanging out with another boy at school. It didn't bother me at first because we were all friends. But they spent more and more time together and eventually it broke my heart. I should have asked her to go out. Something always kept me from doing that. We stopped talking for a while. One day I decided to send her the horroscope again. That night we had a deep talk about our lives. I really liked her. I would have done anything for her. She choose to continue dating that second boyfriend. Eventually she broke up with him too and I was there for her. We would chat on aim for countless hours during the night and I was there until she fell asleep. We started talking with msn and using webcams. She is so beautiful and I told her that everyday. I would always send her a message in the morning, "Good Morning Beautiful" and follow that with her horroscope. She found a third boyfriend. It broke my heart yet again. She wasn't with this one for long. She told me everynight how much she disliked him but couldn't let go. Each night I wrote her a letter on paper, but never gave it to her. The things that I wrote were very hurtful. I just didn't understand why she picked those boys over me. She broke up with this third boyfriend finally and I was there to pick up the peices. Every night we would talk. I even cried with her one time. Right now as I type this I hold back the tears. A while passed and we are in senior year. She started to hangout with boyfriend 2 again. Sometimes I would go places with them, but I was always the third wheel. I even cried in th eback seat one time because they kissed right there in front of me. I hid the tears well. I wrote many more hateful letters every time I hung out with them being the third wheel. I asked her out one time. She said no. I ceased all ties I had with her. She had a child with someone. I congradulated her in a messaged but continued to not talk to her. Now currently we play games together on xbox. It's so difficult being there. I don't want history to repeat itself. I just don't know what to do. I still really like her. We connect so well and know eachothers history so well. My head and heart hurt just thinking of it.

I wrote this to the best of my memory. If you have anything helpful then please share.


message 2: by Aleah (new)

Aleah I am very sorry. There is a reason why I stop any feelings developing when I meet a guy.


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