Writing Passionates discussion

Read my Story/Story Help > Through the Mist

Comments Showing 1-6 of 6 (6 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Kyle (new)

Kyle | 10 comments Through the Mists
By John Carter
Through the mists there lay a small city known as Nowhere. It had started out as a town but quickly grew into a city. Nowhere sat atop a high mountain surrounded by nothing for miles around. The only thing on the mountain, besides the city, was a great tree perched close to the summit. The city was inhabited by a group of people who called themselves Nobodies. The irony of these two names was somehow lost to the city folk, partly because the founders were long dead (it is said they passed away with smiles on their faces) but also because Nowhere had not had a visitor for over fifty years. Of course the Nobodies did not mind, they thought the outside world held to a lot of nonsense. They really didn’t know anything about the outside, but that still didn’t stop them from distrusting. The city itself was very plain, all the buildings looked exactly the same and all had the same color. Back when the beginnings of the city were being built, there was an argument as to which color it would be painted. Many wanted white and many wanted brown. So the people compromised and colored them gray. This made the city look very boring to say the least. Since they were all gray it was easy to get confused as to where your own house was. In the early days of the city it was not uncommon to find a complete stranger sitting at your table eating what he thought was his own food. Usually things of this sort were dealt with like any sensible human would. A lot of screaming, a yell to get out. Then a grunting apology followed by a quick exit. The Nobodies were a content and simple people who enjoyed a little excitement but never were ambitious. The mist surrounding them made sure they would never be bothered by the outside world and they were more than happy to returned the favor. That is to say most of them were content.
Jack Osider was one of the most spirited people to ever come out of Nowhere. Many a nobody would look at Jack, shake their head sadly and ask themselves where the parents had gone wrong. He was a trouble maker from the beginning and a good one at that. Always playing pranks on adults and children alike, he made a name for himself. Jack wasn’t the only trouble maker in the town, there were many kids who were good at causing trouble. Its just that he was prolific, simply a master at it. Jack was as much to trouble, as carpenters were to wood and masons to their stones. So it was that Jack had his own gang of troublemakers always finding ways to skip school and do other such childish things. Annoying teachers and classmates was a lifestyle for these boys. The librarian had almost resigned because the boys put up a sign in the front of the library that read: HEY READERS, EVER SEEN A GIRAFF? WELL THEN LOOK AT THE NECK ON MRS.MCGAFF.
There was a very big graveyard on the outskirts of the city, it was big due to the fact that no one ever left. Jack and his friends would egg each other on to stay the night in the graveyard. Most of the kids would say they would do it, then back out at the last minute. This had become a common tradition, for the new kid in the group to always back out. At least that was until the mayor’s son called the group a bunch of wimps for not doing it. They told him if he was so brave then he should do it. He said he would, because honestly he couldn’t have backed out even if he wanted to. That night the mayor’s boy sat in the graveyard, scared to death, barely able to breath. Suddenly out of the ground, right beside him, popped out a hand. He screamed jumping up and came face to face with a kid covered in something that looked like blood. He ran home crying about bloody ghosts and dead hands. Back at the graveyard the two living dead rolled on the ground laughing,. Then stopped, realizing they were completely alone, and got out as quickly as possible.
For Jack these kind of pranks were common and a sort of way to satisfy the restlessness inside him, but as he grew older and more mature it wasn’t enough. By the time he had turned fourteen he was ready to see the world. The energies that he had spent on pranks and mischief had suddenly become devoted to the idea of getting as far away from Nowhere as he possibly could. This is not to say that Jack still didn’t cause some form of mischief, its just that he didn’t do it directly. Instead he made his gang do whatever he told them to do. In this way he could focus on outside life and still keep his reputation as the biggest trouble maker in town (which he was very proud of for some reason). Jack was simply waiting for the day that he could leave this town. Little did he know that the summer before his sixteenth birthday would change everything.

message 2: by Kyle (new)

Kyle | 10 comments Chapter 1
"Come on, just a little patch of blue." Jack thought," Right over there. Or maybe just stop raining, do something!" It really wasn't too much to ask for considering that it was the last day of school. He wanted it to be a nice first day of summer, but in all probability there was no way it would. The mist made sure there was barely ever any sunshine. Jack looked angrily at the sky again, then returned his attention quickly after a snap from Mr. Decker. Decker was a short burly man with glasses and a receding hair line. He had the distinct ability to instill hatred and fear at the same time. Jack didn't understand how Decker could be so cranky, this was the last class of the school year. Even he had to look forward to break. Jack had been counting down the minutes and seconds for about three weeks now, waiting for this moment. The suspense was building, any second now the bell would ring and they would be free. Jack looked over at the other students, he thought he saw one sweating. The bell rang. Jack jumped up without a second thought.
"Mr. Osider! Get back in your seat!"
Jack quickly bit back the retort, "Oh but you can call me sir",
and sat back down in his seat. The teacher glared at the rest of the class daring them to stand up. Then he began, "I release you from class, not the bell. My authority is- "
he continued on like this for a matter of minutes. The students looked annoyed at their teacher. They had heard this speech more times than they could count. Jack really didn't want listen to a rant on his last day, but what could he do? He thought about the things he would do outside school. He could stand it no longer he felt like throwing his desk through a window. Instead he just got up, to astonished gasps, and walked out. Decker was still going strong, when other students followed suit and started walking out. His rant then became a tirade followed then by just yelling at them. When he finished he was red in the face and out of breath. With a final effort he yelled one last thing, "I'm not finished!", but no one paid attention they were all in the hallway. Only a few students still sat at their desks (the “suck ups” Jack called them). Decker looked at them, they blinked back. His hair, what was left of it, was in shambles on his head. "Just get out!" he rasped. They scurried out.

Jack was walking down the side alley of one of the bars in town, or it could have been the library. He couldn't really tell the difference. He had just gotten out of the school and was ready for the fun to begin. The only problem was that half of his gang was in their last detention of the year for the latest prank they had pulled (involving a hose, some bubble gum, and a giant stuffed spider). So Jack had taken to walking aimlessly through the town, thinking of other places to waste time. Having nothing better to do, Jack decided to climb up to the Great Tree. As he was slowly walking up the hill he heard a crash," Jordan Caser!!", yelled an angry voice. There was a lot of banging then a short blonde haired boy burst out of a house on Jack’s left. He was calling over his shoulder, “Well honestly Mrs. Huber I thought this was me Ma's house."
"Lies!" gasped Mrs. Huber. Jordan came running past Jack, "Oye Os how ya be?" Jack, suppressing laughter, replied, “Good Jo, how're you?"
"Oh you know me, never been better!" yelled Jordan, running toward what he thought looked like his house. Jack heard a small laugh and turned looking for it's source. There was a girl sitting on a front porch smiling. She looked about seventeen and had brunette hair. Jack recognized her from school, though he hadn't really talked to her too much. She was shorter than Jack, but in normal proportions unlike Decker. He walked up to her not really knowing what he was going to say. She was still smiling and softly said," One of your friends?" He replied," Yeah, that's Jordan, he's a regular laugh." she looked at Jack ,
"And what's your name?"
"My names Jack, but most of my friends call me Os."
"Yeah my last name is Osider"
"Nice to meet you Os, my names Olivia Stilger."
"You can call me Olive, all my friends call me Olive", then added as an afterthought, “You know because my first name’s Olivia". Jack looked at her face for the first time. It was a very nice face he thought. The eyes especially caught his attention. They were dark green and seemed to light up when she spoke. "Wow Olivia sounds a lot nicer than Os", thought Jack hopelessly. He tried to think up his next question carefully, the last thing he wanted was to make a fool of himself. Sadly he didn't know what to ask so he said the first thing that popped into his head (usually what all guys do in these kinds of situations). " So where do you live?" The second it was out of his mouth he felt stupid. "She lives in Nowhere dummy!" He thought angrily. She smiled again ,"Oh I live somewhere over there," she waved over in a general direction," but I'm pretty sure no one knows where they live around here." They both laughed. Jack was relieved and the awkwardness seemed to disappear after that point. They walked around together up and down through the streets, happy to have someone to talk to. Jack talked about how he always got into trouble and how evil his sister was. Olivia listening all the while. Then she told him about how her family had a musty old orange cat that peed in the planters when mother wasn't looking. How mom would wonder why all her plants were dying. Jack stopped in front of the school. Olivia was, at this point, talking about her grandfather's snores keeping her up all night. He could see his friends inside doing lines on the board, they read: I WILL NOT DANGLE FAKE SPIDERS ONTO MY TEACHER'S HEAD." Jack then noticed the clock right beside the chalkboard. It was very late. He looked over at Olivia waiting for her to finish. “Olivia, I’ve got to go, it dinner time and my parents-” he paused,
“I really want to stay its just that”.
“Its fine”, cut in Olivia,
“I should get home to”.
As Jack was walking away, he got a sinking feeling that he had blown something. He stopped and looked back, “Hey Olive!”. She turned around and looked at him. “I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” a hint of fear in his voice. Olivia winked at Jack and then disappeared around a corner. Jack stood there wondering if that was a yes or no.

message 3: by Kyle (new)

Kyle | 10 comments The Osider house was as gray as any of the other houses around it, but there was one thing that separated it from the others. There was a single red line about three feet across, running down the side of it. Many of the neighbors would look at it disapprovingly thinking how inappropriate it was for such a nice street. The Osiders had always said that it had been vandals who had put the red stripe on the house, but Jack knew the truth. He himself had put the stripe on the house and, although he admitted that it wasn’t exactly pretty, he liked it. He had not done it as a prank like most of his friends thought, no he had done it because it set his house apart. A kid like Jack was not willing to be normal.
As Jack came trudging into the house, he noticed a few things at once. The dining room table was clear, it looked as though a hurricane had come through the living room, and his little brother Calvin was sitting under a chair. This last thing caught Jack by surprise. He stooped down, looking under the chair. Calvin was staring off blankly into a wall, as if nobody could see him as long as he saw no one himself. Calvin was about eight years old with one tooth missing and a shaggy head of brown hair. Jack smiled at his brother, he was fond of Calvin who was innocently nice and curious. He was a bit odd also, but so was Jack. “What are you doing under the chair, Calvin?” said Jack more interested than concerned. Calvin sat for a second, not taking his eyes off the wall. “ I was hiding from Grace” he said softly, “She’s being mean today” . Jack stood up, his smile was gone. Grace was Calvin’s twin sister and surprisingly the complete opposite of Calvin. She had been named before the family had realized her true nature. Jack liked to think of names they might have given her, had they known. Jezebel and Evil Incarnate were some that came to mind. “When did you see Gra-”, “Shh!” Calvin cut him off, “She’ll hear you!” fear was in his voice. Jack smiled again, “Your gonna be fine Calvin”.
Jack walked off toward the kitchen, seeing if there was anything to eat. Just as he reached the fridge, he heard a little assuming cough. Jack had been waiting for this, his mom would definitely not let him off for being late to supper. He turned to her, she was sitting at a small table next to the kitchen door. Mrs. Osider, also know as Anna, was a skinny thing with brown eyes and long blonde hair. “Where have you been Jack?” Good old mom she always cut to the chase. “Well look at you, you’ve gotten sneaky. Been waiting to surprise me?” Now this might have been defiant to most other parents, but Jack and his mother understood each other better than most. She kept a pleasant sort of look on her face that said, “ You are going to tell me”. Jack started, “Now mom I like what you’ve done with the place. This morning it was all shabby and now, just look at that curtain. It’s new right?” She continue staring but he thought he saw a smile flicker across her face. He sighed and resigned himself to tell his mom about the girl he had met. Just as he was about to begin, Jack’s dad walked into the kitchen. He was about average in height and was built in the shoulders, his hair was brown like Calvin’s. “Well good to see your home son, was about to send Grace after you. Seems she can find you no matter what. I was secretly hoping she‘d get lost” he boomed all this in a warm gruff voice. “George!” piped up Mrs. Osider. George jumped badly, “ What the-” he gasped, then turned seeing Mrs. Osider, “What’s the idea? Trying to give me a heart attack woman?”. Anna got up, she didn’t like being called woman( you will find most women don’t). George seemed to realize his mistake and quickly apologized. She wasn’t having any of it. As Jack’s parents bickered, he slowly edged toward the door. He had to get to his room, before his parents remembered why they were there. Just as he reached the door and could taste freedom, he heard a shrill voice pipe up behind him. Jack's heart sank. "Mom! Where's Jack going?" Jack turned around to look at the little monster. Grace was about three feet tall with pale skin and brown hair like her brother. Jack swore she had red eyes but everyone else told him they were pink. She was at present wearing a nasty grin. She knew she'd caught Jack with his pants down, it really didn't matter at what. Jack sighed, there was no way of getting out of it now. He thought about clamping his hand around her mouth, but she had bitten before. His parents, at first startled, quickly realize what was going on. Grabbing Jack by the shoulder, Grace almost dragged him into the kitchen. "There’s that demonic strength she gets from the devil", Jack thought bitterly. " Mom I caught Jack in the hall looking suspicious" Mom looking wary said," Thank you, honey." Jack tossed his mom a pleading look. She nodded then said , "We can handle this Grace". Grace's grin faded, she looked as if she was going to argue, but one look from her father told her she had already lost. Grace gave an evil look at Jack, then stomped out of the kitchen. "Brat", Jack muttered under his breath. His parents, not hearing, turned to Jack. " Okay where have you been Jack", she paused waiting for his answer. Then rolling her eyes, " I will not hesitate to ground you, god knows you've already done enough stuff to fill a book". Jack smiled, it really didn't matter to him he just liked building suspense. He told his parents about the girl he had met and how he had lost track of time. When he finished, Jack thought His parent looked more worried than they should have been. Jack quickly added, " We didn't do anything, just talked". His dad looked like he believed him, but mom still had a suspicious look in her eyes. There was a moment of silence. Then, "Well been a great talk, but I've got tons of homework". While he was saying this he headed toward the door. "Jack don't be stupid, we know you out for Summer". Jack turned, " Oh no they cancelled Summer vacation this year". His father answered Jack with an angry bark, but it fell on deaf ears. Jack was gone.

Jack's room was about the average size of any teenager's room and twice as messy. He had posters of long forgotten bands(barely anybody had ever heard of Pink Floyd) and piles of cloths covering the walls. Light came in through the one uncovered window. There were shelves upon shelves of junk. At least that's what anybody else would have called them, but to Jack there were no greater treasures in Nowhere. They all reminded him of something. A bent coin, some crushed rocks, and a completely flattened shoe, reminded Jack of his near death experience with a bull dozer(a dare gone wrong). Some trash bags, broken hand fans, and rope were testaments to Jack's flying abilities.
As Jack walked into his room he noticed that a few piles of clothes were missing. Jack called down," Grace if you've been in my room!". His mom called," Calm down Jack, I decided to clean you clothes. By the way, your rooms a pig sty!" Jack walked back and forth through his room muttering," Pig sty?! Thank you very much. I like it. Apparently she hasn't seen the rest of the house", then yelled over his shoulder," I like it as a pig sty!". "Then it can stay that way!!!" she almost screamed back.

message 4: by Kyle (last edited Apr 02, 2009 01:22PM) (new)

Kyle | 10 comments Okay So I posted all of this because I'm wondering if I should continue. I wrote this about a year ago and abandoned it because I thought it was horrible. So I want your opinion. Should I toss it or continue?

message 5: by Kyle (new)

Kyle | 10 comments The man sat, staring off into the darkness. His body was rigid and shivering from the cold. His hands were shaking so badly he couldn’t keep them closed, and water seemed to be pouring from every part of him. He appeared calm and collected, but that was just because he was in shock. He slowly looked around to his left and right, there was nothing but blackened cold hard night. Thoughts began to trickle in and out of his mind like the many drops of water dripping down his head. He grasped for one with much difficulty and succeeded. The thought surfaced in his mind, a very simple one.

Who am I?

Then as if suddenly remembering how to ride a bicycle, he dared another question.

Where am I?

He looked around again, this time really studying his surroundings. It all came back to him in an instant. As if the two questions had been bricks in a dam, the rest of him came back in a flood of thought.

My name is Robert Benwood, I have been traveling for months on end, searching for…for what? He couldn’t remember. As he pondered this he realized something else. I really do not know where I am, and I’m soaking wet. The darkness swirled around Robert, seeming to twinkle like shattered pieces of glass. Wait a minute, I’m soaking wet and yet it doesn’t appear to be raining. This thought puzzled him the most. He then broke his train of thought. I am out in the middle of nowhere thinking about pointless things, while I slowly freeze to death.


The word frightened him. He stood to his feet and began to walk, toward where he didn’t have a clue. A terror was slowly creeping into Robert, dulling his mind and senses. It didn’t seem as if there was any way out of this place.


The word pounded in the back of his mind, he began to walk a bit faster. What was that sound? He turned his head, the darkness seemed to answer nothing. His mind answered with the word. Robert pushed his dripping hair out of his face, as if to push off the thought.

Just keep walking and you’ll end up somewhere. Where’s somewhere? I don’t know, but it’s gotta be better than here. He stopped . He could make out a figure silhouetted against the dark. Robert began to call out, “Hey! Over here!”, but stopped. Something was seriously wrong. The figure, as if to hear the unspoken words, turned to meet Robert.

It’s pale white face peered out through the empty space, a slight smile on it’s face. A sense of happiness seemed to fill Robert, but he was not fooled. There was evil in that face. The face broke into a grin. It then all became terribly clear to Robert. He knew how he come to be there, he knew what he had to do now. He took a step back, not able to take his eyes from the creature, his mouth curling into a grin without him trying. “What are you?”, Rob thought wordlessly


He kept taking steps back slowly, the happiness was almost overwhelming but Robert somehow kept his head. The figure looked at him, still grinning and answered Robert inside his own mind, in a sing songy voice.

I am the joy you feel from insanity. The chill of depression down your back. I sit at the left side of the devil. I am your destruction, your end. I am your death

Robert broke it’s gaze and ran. He ran as he had never done. There were no trees barring his way, his path seemed to go up and down depending on wherever he stepped. The word followed him effortlessly, no matter how far or fast he ran.

I have to save him! So much depends on this. I cannot die. HE cannot die!

The air was still thick with water, when Robert smashed into the wall. A long ago relic left for protection no longer needed, the wall was in ruins. It now only stood at three feet and was missing parts. Robert lay crumpled on the ground, panting hard. He tried to push himself up, but cringed as pain shot through him. Blood ran down from a gash on his forehead, mixing with the water. His leg was shattered, there was no doubt.

As he propped himself on his elbows, a tinge of happiness began to invade his mind. The word had come. Looking over the wall, he saw hope, the outline of a building maybe even a faint light. He began to crawl slowly inch by inch. He dropped over the wall and cried out as he landed on his torn leg. Through a haze of tears and slowly emerging laughter, he kept crawling toward his hope. The air was no longer choked with water but clear and breathable, but Robert did not notice he was now laughing hysterically. The figure/word stood over Rob, grinning with its black piercing eyes.

That’s right Robert give into the insanity.

The figure stooped down. He would soon touch Robert and Robert would cease to exist, sure his body would be there but there would be another inside his head, his soul gone

Light burst bright in green and red, flooding the world. Death disappeared as if made of smoke, a bad thought on a dark night. Robert’s laughter turned to crying, relieve flooded him. He dragged himself up to look at the light that had saved him. It read, flashing brightly in the letters, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Jack and his friend Toby stood beside the sign looking pleased, they laughed at the many dumbstruck faces looking out of their windows at the sign. One called out, “You dumb asses it’s the middle of July!”. Jack and Toby just smiled broadly, as they ran away from the scene of the crime.

Robert looked at this bleak place in wonder. No one knew yet, but this was a historic moment for city of Nowhere. He was the first man to make it through the cities veil of mist in fifty years.

message 6: by Kyle (new)

Kyle | 10 comments I think this is a way better prologue what do you think?

back to top