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MORE INFORMATION > Facts On Sexual Abuse

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message 1: by [deleted user] (new)

i dont know if this counts: last sumester, a boy touched my wrongly, never raped me, but it was akward, when my freind threatened him, he stoped, does this count?


message 2: by [deleted user] (new)

not really on certen days, like when he's was in a good mood, i dunno :\ it scared me bunches really, but know he acts like were best freinds :\


message 3: by [deleted user] (new)

ya i know *sigh* i've only told freinds and made them sware not to tell anyone (like my parents)


message 4: by [deleted user] (new)

i knows


message 5: by [deleted user] (new)

XD


message 6: by [deleted user] (new)

uhhh i cant rember :P


message 7: by Yamilé Nadra (new)

Yamilé Nadra Dear @Fuck me Skinny: you said
"i dont know if this counts: last sumester, a boy touched my wrongly, never raped me, but it was akward...
I've done some research on SA. Especially, CSA, but I can tell you this: your answer is on your own discourse. You felt he touched you wrongly. You probably didn't think about this when you wrote, 'cause we don't usually do in these cases (I mean the cases in which sth happens to us that we have trouble dealing with and/or accepting), but you subconsciously know it was not right, the way he touched you. It is often told to kids (but it is even valid for adults) that your body is yours and nobody has any right to touch you. It's true that, sometimes, when you're older you can engage in consensual sexual activity, but that doesn't mean: a)you loose the right not to be touched if you don't want to; b) it's not abuse if it's sb your age.
It's harder to understand, but you can be abused even by your own boyfriend/girlfirend if he/she is in a position in which he/she has the upper hand.
As Jessy pointed out in "the facts" abusers tend to target people who are more likely to be abused.
Please, this is not to be confused with "there's something wrong with me". I has to do with vulnerability in a particular aspects (or aspects) of your life and the position the abuser is in.
Maybe I'm making a mess and not any sense... where I go is, if you have girl "X" who consents to have sex with boyfriend "Z", who is pushing her, because she's afraid she will loose him if she doesn't, and/or is unable to say "no" at the time is also being abused, and IT'S NOT HER FAULT. This is really important to understand. There's nothing wrong with her. Sometimes we're o in awe of sb, or so shocked by what they do, that the situation renders us speechless.
Maybe that happened to you too (as to most victims of abuse) because I read your friend had to tell the guy to stop. So, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
And sth else, it doesn't have to be rape to be abuse. It has to be an act (can range from voyeurism to rape, with everything else thrown in the middle) performed by sb, without your consent, and to attain his or her own sexual gratification; and it's usually at your expense; the abused's expense I mean. Even if they have mixed feelings about the abuse (because their body reacted and/or they care about the guy/girl/man/woman who abused them, or liked the way he/she made them feel--not saying it's your case, but see, even in those cases it's abuse), the fact remains that abused persons didn't want that act to occur; it was against their will.
I know sometimes talking with your folks can be difficult; either because you don't trust them, or because you're ashamed.
I know it's hard to see it that way, but you are not the one to be ashamed; it's not you who's going around breaking other people's boundaries for fun.
And, maybe you can talk to them in your own terms. Or maybe it's not them, but some other trusted grown up, or a therapist.
I know, maybe you think I'm over-reacting and you can think it wasn't so bad. I hope it wasn't, and I'm sure a lot of people have it, apparently worse (or even, by most standards, wrong), but Psychology teaches us every person is unique in how they are and experience things. Maybe sth that for most people is "nothing" can be the world to you. So I assume this is as a traumatic experience as you feel it to be.
Good thing about your situation: you had a friend to say "stop", you have other friends you could tell, and people like Jessy and I who will be here to support you no matter what, because we're that kind of people.
So, I'm sorry about what happened. I understand. I hope I've helped you a bit. And, please, feel free to ask me anything you need.
All the best,
Yamilé


message 8: by Yamilé Nadra (new)

Yamilé Nadra Correcting myself: where it says "or even, by most standards, wrong", it should be "worse", instead. Word salad...


message 9: by Yamilé Nadra (new)

Yamilé Nadra Jessy, dear, I really do love you!!
Thanks for saying those nice things about me.
But no need to thank for telling Serena (went to introduce youserlves and found her name) what i said, 'cause it poured out of me naturally...
I think you're really sweet you're taking care of your family in your B-day. It sounds so like me!!
What did you get for your b-day?
I hope you're virus and bacteria resistant and don't get anyhting yourself... or sth mild, so you stay in bed and everybody fusses over you for a change.
You know, I'm a hugger too and, right now, I send you a really, really, really BIG HUG!!
Love,
Yamilé

PS: Will be answering your private message between tomorrow and Saturday :)


message 10: by [deleted user] (new)

^^


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