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Weekly Poetry Stuffage > Week 160 (March 19-27). Poems. Topic: Subliminal Suggestion.

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message 1: by M (new)

M | 11046 comments You have until March 27 to post a poem, and on March 28 and 29 we’ll vote for which one we thought was best.

Please post directly into the topic and not a link. Please don’t use a poem previously used in this group.

Your poem can be any length.

This week’s topic is: Subliminal Suggestion.

The rules are pretty loose. You can write a poem about anything that has to do with the topic. I do not care, but the poem you post must relate to the topic somehow.

Have fun!


message 2: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie (chasmofbooks) | 2875 comments Thanks, M!


message 3: by Rikki (last edited Mar 19, 2013 07:41PM) (new)

Rikki | 45 comments ((I think I contradict my own narrator...))

Trick

I'll trick my own mind
in the work of my own art
I'll find a new way of thinking
about something that will appear
if I say so

I am the key to my own deeper truth
Luring myself into actually doing what I want
Impacting my own subconscious


Below my own detection
I'll whisper it to myself every

STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT...


message 4: by Ryan (last edited Mar 20, 2013 02:36AM) (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Muted Voices

Such a funny thing,
timing is.
Like tonight,
when you called
out of nowhere at all.

The Murray River outside, now swollen to bursting,
was a drought-dry trickle when last we spoke.
As you meandered along,
the life in your voice
was the infectious buzz of cicadas at dusk.

You sang a song
of happy times,
fairground memories -
a bright carousel on a pier by the sea
and so many old friends.

There was no point
to your call - my face had lingered
as you shook the night's dreams from your hair,
reminding you how long
since we’d spoken.

Long after you’d gone, all returned to its place:
me to my room, my wrist to my sleeve,
the knife to its sheath.
Just a whisper remained, floating on a breeze -
timing...

~ R ~

any critique most welcome :)


message 5: by M (new)

M | 11046 comments Belly, my connection is too slow for me to follow the link. Naturally, I can’t help but wonder what the title may imply about the girl who is the subject of the poem, or about what she’s reading.

Rikki, what a great response to the topic! I have a feeling the poem’s speaker may not have as much control over her subconscious mind as she thinks.

Ryan, “Muted Voices” is haunting and is packed with wonderful lines! A couple of the images that really stand out for me are “The Murray River . . . a drought-dry trickle” and “the infectious buzz of cicadas at dusk . . .”


message 6: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Thanks, M!


message 7: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Ah, Belly, you crack me up. Your title has meaning within meanings and your wit is fantastic. I don't suppose it's coming onto the Apple iBookstore any time soon?


message 8: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Terrific, Rikki! I'm really enjoying your poems each week. I think you use an interesting perspective. Well done :)


message 9: by Rikki (new)

Rikki | 45 comments Thanks so much M and Ryan! I really love this group!!


message 10: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Please do :)


Christa - Ron Paul 2016 (christa-ronpaul2012) | 1365 comments Old life, New worlds

On the horizon danced
A haze of grey rain
Longing for bright
Sunlit day

The closer it came
The greener the landscape
To the eye a high cliff
Dotted with blue flakes

A world of possibility
A life unlived
Dead is the old
And alive the young kid


message 12: by D.L. (last edited Mar 22, 2013 04:29PM) (new)

D.L. Christopher (DLChristopher) | 15 comments I seldom write poetry and you're about to find out why - I had an idea though, whilst thinking about the literal meaning of subliminal - 'beneath the threshold', so here it is, a very rough poem and my first since I was in a band many moons ago.

Beneath the Threshold

The undermind dwells deep below
The conscious mind, and all the flow
Of thoughts unthought, desire unknown
Will mingle there till, overthrown,
The mind above is forced to face
The troubles of this hidden place.
The undermind we'll never know.

Beneath this threshold lies our fear,
Suppressed, oppressed, yet always near,
The haunted past we cannot face
Yet dwells within this troubled place.
To carry on, as now we are, requires
An admission: one and all are liars,
We hide a secret self away - and all
Could be consumed by such a squall
As that mind which lies beneath our mind,
Where we store those parts we feel unkind
Or pitiful, or dissonant, or overblown,
Our thoughts unthought, our minds unknown.

Beneath this threshold we hide our lies,
A soul unseen through our window eyes,
The parts of which we are ashamed,
The part of us we never tamed,
Still call to us from deep below -
From that undermind we'll never know.

It's rough, but if anyone wants to chip in their 2 cents as to how I can polish it (insofar as one may polish a turd), the advice would be gratefully received.


message 13: by D.L. (new)

D.L. Christopher (DLChristopher) | 15 comments Belly wrote: "
cheap & easy to get



by a silver lake
my twin sister sits reading
book close to her face"


Love it.


message 14: by D.L. (new)

D.L. Christopher (DLChristopher) | 15 comments Ryan wrote: "Muted Voices

Such a funny thing,
timing is.
Like tonight,
when you called
out of nowhere at all.

The Murray River outside, now swollen to bursting,
was a drought-dry trickle when last we spoke.
A..."


Love the second and fourth stanzas - the only thing I'd say is that the line 'knife to its sheath,' jars a little with the gentle melancholy of the rest of the piece. It has a really nice and poignant feel of nostalgia I think would be familiar to many a really nice effort.


message 15: by D.L. (last edited Mar 22, 2013 03:06PM) (new)

D.L. Christopher (DLChristopher) | 15 comments Belly wrote: "Thanks, D.L.!"

Welcome, it's cheeky, pertinent and well done. You should start using it like a graffiti artist's tag and paint it all over the internet.


message 16: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Thanks for your feedback, D.L.! The poem is about someone listening to voices as he/she sits with a knife, contemplating suicide. A phone call from an old friend puts the voices to rest for awhile. I actually intended for the line to be jarring and at odds with the rest of the poem, so I'm glad it came across that way. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. Thanks!


message 17: by D.L. (new)

D.L. Christopher (DLChristopher) | 15 comments Fair enough, I saw it as a man contacted late at night by an old lover, filled for a while with nostalgia before both realise that they have moved on. I suppose it wouldn't be poetry if it wasn't open to interpretation!


message 18: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Haha, absolutely :)


message 19: by M (new)

M | 11046 comments Christa, I like the images in “Old life, New worlds.” In my mind, I connected the first and second stanzas because the green in a landscape has a different quality on a drizzling day than on a day that’s clear.

D.L., I don’t have any suggestions for improving “Beneath the Threshold.” I think it reads nicely, and it addresses the issue of repression and of the simply unconscious (that of which the conscious mind hasn’t repressed yet hasn’t become aware) in an illustrative way.


message 20: by D.L. (new)

D.L. Christopher (DLChristopher) | 15 comments M wrote: "Christa, I like the images in “Old life, New worlds.” In my mind, I connected the first and second stanzas because the green in a landscape has a different quality on a drizzling day than on a day ..."

Thank you - there are a few issues with the flow in certain run on lines and a few lines which - in the immortal words of Simon and Garfunkel 'tear and strain to rhyme', but I enjoyed the exercise! If I didn't have an Open University essay to write this week I might have been able to do a little more with it.


message 21: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Hi, Ellis! Thanks for your feedback. You're spot on!. I wasn't sure that I conveyed it well enough, but my link to the theme was that the turmoil going through one person's mind was enough to send a suggestion to the mind of someone close.


Christa - Ron Paul 2016 (christa-ronpaul2012) | 1365 comments M wrote: "Christa, I like the images in “Old life, New worlds.” In my mind, I connected the first and second stanzas because the green in a landscape has a different quality on a drizzling day than on a day ..."

Thanks M.


message 23: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Hi, Christa! I really liked the images your poem provoked. I think your title is just fantastic too! Very nice poem all round :)


message 24: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Very nicely done, D.L. I've tried to use rhyme the way you have before and I can never get it to flow. I think you've handled it really well and the flow is good. I like the idea behind it as well. Great job!


message 25: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments And I'm still laughing at your 'polishing a turd' comment ;)


message 26: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie (chasmofbooks) | 2875 comments Title: Whispers

Voices whisper in her head.
Sweet words filled with dread.
Dark clouds cover her eyes,
before she sees them die.

Black incasing her mind,
her senses pass away, blind.
Words still run through her head,
leading her straight to the bed.

Alone and afraid she lays,
hoping to cross into a heavenly bay.
Terror within her head
consumes her with dread.

Mother whispering of hope;
the visions are all hokes.
So she curls up in bed,
praying it'll all leave her head.


Christa - Ron Paul 2016 (christa-ronpaul2012) | 1365 comments Ryan wrote: "Hi, Christa! I really liked the images your poem provoked. I think your title is just fantastic too! Very nice poem all round :)"

Thanks Ryan, I'm glad you liked it. I thought your poem was fantastic! The last word "Timing" is so perfectly strange. And I really liked the line "Knife to it's sheath".


message 28: by M (new)

M | 11046 comments Stephanie, you know how to create mood! “Whispers” has a dark, gothic feel to it.


message 29: by M (new)

M | 11046 comments This poem started out as an exploration of subliminal suggestion, then wound up as something completely different.

On the Verandah

The broken words she tried hard not to say
came suddenly as, flushed, she shook her head.
I knew then I would rather have been dead
than distant, when she looked at me that way.
Her plaintive eyes seemed lit by summer haze--
the eyes by which my future would be haunted,
I knew. She was what I abjectly wanted,
her reassuring touch, her calming gaze,
of shadowed roads that wind among the farms,
of apple trees in autumn’s moonlit air.
A moment mute, I sought her lips, her hair,
and quickly made her captive of my arms.
She yielded to me with a childlike sound,
as though she had been hurt on a playground.


message 30: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie (chasmofbooks) | 2875 comments Thanks, M! And excellent writing as always! I love the line, "the eyes by which my future would be haunted, I knew."

Lol, Ellis. That was a fun poem to read.


message 31: by M (new)

M | 11046 comments Thank you, Stephanie!

Wow, Ellis! “They told me to” is a blast to read. The writing is like fireworks.


message 32: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments 'Whispers' has a great atmosphere to it, Stephanie. You captured the sense of voices in the mind really well. Your choice of words and phrasing works so well to create the feeling. I had to look up 'hokes', never heard it before, what a perfect choice of word!


message 33: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Hi, M! There are some beautiful images in 'On the Verandah'. The shadowed roads winding among farms and the apple trees in autumn's moonlit air are exquisite. It is like watching an old movie. Your final two lines are very powerful. You've done it once again!


message 34: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Ellis, wow! 'They told me to' packs a mean punch. This is such a fresh, explosive poem. What an absolute pleasure to read. Not a shrimp to mess with :)


message 35: by M (new)

M | 11046 comments Thank you, Ellis and Ryan!


message 36: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie (chasmofbooks) | 2875 comments Thanks, Ryan!


message 37: by Stephanie (last edited Mar 28, 2013 07:51AM) (new)

Stephanie (chasmofbooks) | 2875 comments Polls are up! Go vote!

Poem Poll

Short Story Poll


message 38: by Kapardeli (new)

Kapardeli Eftichia Rooting IN STONE




Trembling hands
chisel
who tirelessly
marble works in
Bodybuilders in motionless, statues
signs of doom carves





***
In the foreign land
squeezed the breath
the stone of patience
hidden desires
The stone uprooting
unbearable
rubbed, cut, deform
quarry in the heart
pain and why
crushed








***
As the color of
yellowed marble from
the polykairia sopasmena, dead
feelings of the heart, the anguish
one wheezing, a shortness of breath




***


language unknown
the hidden command will
in time
carved rocks
I grabbed swords
fate challenged
loved life


message 39: by Victor (last edited Mar 30, 2013 07:23PM) (new)

Victor Lopez (lunheur) Rikki (chaos in my wake) wrote: "Trick"

I love the rawness of this


message 40: by Rikki (new)

Rikki | 45 comments Thanks Victor!


message 41: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie (chasmofbooks) | 2875 comments The Results:

1st place Ellis
2nd place: M, Ryan, D.L.
3rd place: Christa, Belly, Rikki
Last: Stephanie

Thank you for participating, everyone, whether you submitted and voted, or just submitted or voted! And congratulations to, Ellis!


message 42: by M (new)

M | 11046 comments Congratulations, Ellis. Well done!


message 43: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Good one, Ellis! Well deserved :)


message 44: by Zack (new)

Zack Ellis!


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