CGC (Christian Girls Chat) discussion

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Let's Discuss-Social Issues > Dating & Courting

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message 1: by Rose (new)

Rose (seekeroftruth) | 2966 comments I thought that this would be a good place to talk about dating in general. I know we may have had this discussion already, but its an important conversation for all of us. Let's talk about the problems, the perks, the limitations, and most of all how we can glorify God in all of it.


message 2: by Leon (new)

Leon | 2091 comments this should be about dating and courting because if it isn't dating, its courting


Alisha~Seek and ye shall find~ (hiddentreasures) | 662 comments Leon wrote: "this should be about dating and courting because if it isn't dating, its courting"

Agreed, and this a good idea.


message 4: by Carolyn, The God of Angel Armies (new)

Carolyn (caroheartsbooks) | 9968 comments Mod
yes! hmm where'd our old loong dating thread go? *shrug* so as lena can tell you i read a couple books on this subject in church the other week and wow i guess some christians think dating in the teens is alright. in a way i think its almost like giving out pieces of your heart too fast too soon (quoting sam girl) since after all chances of you marrying them are .00000000000000000000001% just saying although kids in our grade are always fantasizing about happy ever after yadayadas. besides its distracting are you kidding me? ask lena during my larry phase my emotions were UP and DOWN bc one minute someone said he MIGHT like me and the next minute he MIGHT not craziness. so not worth it


message 5: by Sam (new)

Sam (Readlovelaughlive) | 4404 comments I agree. I couldn't handle a bf even if I wanted one. Do you know how I was like, drowning and basically fighting for my life during exams while Aaron distracted me? It was emotionally exhausting. I felt like Taylor Swift, and THAT is not a good sign.


message 6: by Carolyn, The God of Angel Armies (new)

Carolyn (caroheartsbooks) | 9968 comments Mod
ikr!! emotionally drained what a perfect word. oh yeah taylor swift's boy life is..........................................................................................................................................................................ya know what i mean im not jealous of her


message 7: by Rose (new)

Rose (seekeroftruth) | 2966 comments Leon wrote: "this should be about dating and courting because if it isn't dating, its courting"

Good idea :)


message 8: by Sam (new)

Sam (Readlovelaughlive) | 4404 comments UH huh. Like, you know life is sad if you actually feel like you can relate to most Swift songs. I felt up and down and I wanted to cry and laugh and I could literally start quoting her album and it would be accurate to my life. It was awful. And I was walking into walls and doors, tripping over my own two feet, couldn't even walk up the stairs without falling, was a complete mess every time Aaron was around - like, I couldn't even form complete, logical sentences, and said stuff like, "I'm flute, and I play the Samantha," to introduce myself... Like... Wowee. Couldnt sleep properly, forgot to eat - obvious signs. And Cici says she's in love with Lucas? Man. She hasn't seen ME with a slight crush. :P


message 9: by Rose (new)

Rose (seekeroftruth) | 2966 comments Sam wrote: "UH huh. Like, you know life is sad if you actually feel like you can relate to most Swift songs. I felt up and down and I wanted to cry and laugh and I could literally start quoting her album and i..."

I know how you feel, Sam. I had that same thing with my last crush! I was OBSESSED! But then, I gave it all to God and he freed me from the prison I was trapping myself in! On top of that, he gave me a GUY FRIEND!


message 10: by Sam (new)

Sam (Readlovelaughlive) | 4404 comments Yup! It was one day after I had posted another Aaron rant and I went back and read all the stuff I said and was like, "God, there's something wrong. You are freedom, and right now, I am a slave to Aaron, when I should be serving YOU. Please free me..."
And then I was free! God can't help us very much when we don't even realize there's something wrong. And I just dug myself into a little pit of self indulgence and whatnot. Didn't realize until I took a step back and was freaked out.


message 11: by Rose (new)

Rose (seekeroftruth) | 2966 comments Sam wrote: "Yup! It was one day after I had posted another Aaron rant and I went back and read all the stuff I said and was like, "God, there's something wrong. You are freedom, and right now, I am a slave to ..."

That's exacly how I felt! I was putting myself up to this level I could never reach, and quite frankly, I don't think I want to now. I don't think I ever wanted to. So, at my youth group during worship I gave it to God and I felt as though a million pounds had been lifted off of me! Freedom!
Then, on that same night, this really sweet, honest, MATURE, Christian guy became my guy friend. We've become really close. Its like...like he was meant for me, to be my guy friend. To make me feel beautiful without the pressure of dating. He likes me in my rawest and, quite frankly, my dorkiest forms like I never thought anyone could. I can only say that I feel so blessed. As if every moment of getting to know him is a precious gift from God.


message 12: by Sam (new)

Sam (Readlovelaughlive) | 4404 comments Guy friends can be God's greatest blessing to a teenage girl. :)


message 13: by Rose (new)

Rose (seekeroftruth) | 2966 comments They are! Only if they are mature. If not, they can hurt more than help you. Mine actually makes me want to be a better follower of God :)


Alisha~Seek and ye shall find~ (hiddentreasures) | 662 comments Rose wrote: "Sam wrote: "Yup! It was one day after I had posted another Aaron rant and I went back and read all the stuff I said and was like, "God, there's something wrong. You are freedom, and right now, I am..."

You are a very blessed girl. Not many people I know get what you have :)


message 15: by Carolyn, The God of Angel Armies (new)

Carolyn (caroheartsbooks) | 9968 comments Mod
omgoodness i could DIE. LOLOL. SLAVE TO AARON?? then again its kinda true...and funny but still i guess it makes sense. id never want to b in that situation especially since this spring my emotions/mood were binded so tightly with whether or not larry liked me. now thinking thats just STUPID. like seriously who cares? now we're friends and i have to say its sooooo much better


message 16: by Carolyn, The God of Angel Armies (new)

Carolyn (caroheartsbooks) | 9968 comments Mod
Rose wrote: "Sam wrote: "Yup! It was one day after I had posted another Aaron rant and I went back and read all the stuff I said and was like, "God, there's something wrong. You are freedom, and right now, I am..."

that. is. so. flippin. cute!!


message 17: by Valerie (new)

Valerie (valerielipstick) | 593 comments I think all girls need a guy friend. i need one for sure


message 18: by Carolyn, The God of Angel Armies (new)

Carolyn (caroheartsbooks) | 9968 comments Mod
yes u do val but idk about the chances of u getting one..


message 19: by Sam (new)

Sam (Readlovelaughlive) | 4404 comments Yuppers! Funny how everything fades away in that moment huh? I've had a million times like that - when NOTHING EVER EVER MATTERED - except for: "Will he like this colour on me? Will he? It's a bit pale... Will I see him, well in this angle it looks pretty and if I just approach him from this exact angle..."

LOL.

Val you should just grab a boy and be like, "Be my friend! You don't want to mess with me, so you better be a GOOD friend!" :P

Works every time. ;)


message 20: by Carolyn, The God of Angel Armies (new)

Carolyn (caroheartsbooks) | 9968 comments Mod
wow lol!! if you knew val in real life...and she did that...half the boys would run away screaming jk! but seriously this is hilarious.


message 21: by Sam (new)

Sam (Readlovelaughlive) | 4404 comments EXACTLY! so all the boys will b good friends! Gtg eat lunch brb


message 22: by Valerie (new)

Valerie (valerielipstick) | 593 comments SAM. I've missed you! yay!


message 23: by Carolyn, The God of Angel Armies (new)

Carolyn (caroheartsbooks) | 9968 comments Mod
and of course u dont miss me...jk!!


Alisha~Seek and ye shall find~ (hiddentreasures) | 662 comments Sam wrote: "Yuppers! Funny how everything fades away in that moment huh? I've had a million times like that - when NOTHING EVER EVER MATTERED - except for: "Will he like this colour on me? Will he? It's a bit ..."

I like that Idea! Someone should try it!


message 25: by Carolyn, The God of Angel Armies (new)

Carolyn (caroheartsbooks) | 9968 comments Mod
lol....


message 26: by Rose (new)

Rose (seekeroftruth) | 2966 comments Caro wrote: "Rose wrote: "Sam wrote: "Yup! It was one day after I had posted another Aaron rant and I went back and read all the stuff I said and was like, "God, there's something wrong. You are freedom, and ri..."

Alisha~Seek and ye shall find~ wrote: "Rose wrote: "Sam wrote: "Yup! It was one day after I had posted another Aaron rant and I went back and read all the stuff I said and was like, "God, there's something wrong. You are freedom, and ri..."

Thanks guys! I still really can't believe it myself! I keep wondering if its too good to be true.


message 27: by Carolyn, The God of Angel Armies (new)

Carolyn (caroheartsbooks) | 9968 comments Mod
ikr! same! i asked God this spring if i could b really good friends with larry and take away my obssession now BAM its amazing where we r now :) awwwww ur guy friend sounds wonderful too rose!


message 28: by Rose (new)

Rose (seekeroftruth) | 2966 comments Caro wrote: "ikr! same! i asked God this spring if i could b really good friends with larry and take away my obssession now BAM its amazing where we r now :) awwwww ur guy friend sounds wonderful too rose!"

We had a little hiccup a few minutes ago, but I think we may be good. Hopefully.


message 29: by Carolyn, The God of Angel Armies (new)

Carolyn (caroheartsbooks) | 9968 comments Mod
a little hiccup? haha i like the analogyy. anyways perks problems limitations. its fun? as a perk its nice to get to know ppl but the problem: getting too emotionally and physically attached as you can see from our dear friend sams example


message 30: by Rose (last edited Dec 29, 2012 03:08PM) (new)

Rose (seekeroftruth) | 2966 comments Caro wrote: "a little hiccup? haha i like the analogyy. anyways perks problems limitations. its fun? as a perk its nice to get to know ppl but the problem: getting too emotionally and physically attached as you..."

Well, he said he liked me, like a crush. o.O


message 31: by Valerie (new)

Valerie (valerielipstick) | 593 comments Rose wrote: "Caro wrote: "a little hiccup? haha i like the analogyy. anyways perks problems limitations. its fun? as a perk its nice to get to know ppl but the problem: getting too emotionally and physically at..."

I don't think that's a little hiccup. It's slightly bigger than little...

I also LOVE YOUR PROFILE PIC, Rose. It's so pretty!


message 32: by Rose (new)

Rose (seekeroftruth) | 2966 comments Valerie wrote: "Rose wrote: "Caro wrote: "a little hiccup? haha i like the analogyy. anyways perks problems limitations. its fun? as a perk its nice to get to know ppl but the problem: getting too emotionally and ..."

We got it all squared away! We're good! He understands that I don't want to take it that direction. And then I told him what he meant to me and how I didn't want to hurt him. He understood and brushed past it. We're good!

And thanks, Val :)


message 33: by Valerie (new)

Valerie (valerielipstick) | 593 comments Rose wrote: "Valerie wrote: "Rose wrote: "Caro wrote: "a little hiccup? haha i like the analogyy. anyways perks problems limitations. its fun? as a perk its nice to get to know ppl but the problem: getting too ..."

haha... that's nice of him to understand. he seems like a great guy


message 34: by Rose (new)

Rose (seekeroftruth) | 2966 comments Valerie wrote: "Rose wrote: "Valerie wrote: "Rose wrote: "Caro wrote: "a little hiccup? haha i like the analogyy. anyways perks problems limitations. its fun? as a perk its nice to get to know ppl but the problem:..."

I am so glad we got past that! I thought we would slide into that awkward state and stop talking!


message 35: by [deleted user] (new)

Great chat going on here. :)


Val you should just grab a boy and be like, "Be my friend! You don't want to mess with me, so you better be a GOOD friend!" :P

Works every time. ;)


Are you SURE it works everytime? :P

A guy friend like that sounds amazing. Know what? I'm gonna ask God tonight to send one my way. Hahahah. That'd be a great help.


message 36: by Carolyn, The God of Angel Armies (new)

Carolyn (caroheartsbooks) | 9968 comments Mod
lol same!! a good christian guy friend! there ya r val la. and wow u solved it without any drama rose!


message 37: by Rose (new)

Rose (seekeroftruth) | 2966 comments Caro wrote: "lol same!! a good christian guy friend! there ya r val la. and wow u solved it without any drama rose!"

Cari wrote: "Great chat going on here. :)


Val you should just grab a boy and be like, "Be my friend! You don't want to mess with me, so you better be a GOOD friend!" :P

Works every time. ;)

Are you SURE it..."


I can't believe it! He wasn't happy, but he let it go! I can't tell you how relieved I am! I thought I almost lost him!


message 38: by Carolyn, The God of Angel Armies (new)

Carolyn (caroheartsbooks) | 9968 comments Mod
thats great!!


message 39: by Rose (new)

Rose (seekeroftruth) | 2966 comments Cari wrote: "Great chat going on here. :)


Val you should just grab a boy and be like, "Be my friend! You don't want to mess with me, so you better be a GOOD friend!" :P

Works every time. ;)

Are you SURE it..."



Haha :)


message 40: by Carolyn, The God of Angel Armies (new)

Carolyn (caroheartsbooks) | 9968 comments Mod
okaay so problemo: i have a friend who had a crush on this guy in korea in 4th grd he liked her back she moved here and they kinda lost contact. found him on facebook a month ago they're really "into" each other now and she found out that hes moving to our high school from korea next year! they want to date. my reaction: FREAK OUT!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ur doing something stupid! u dont even know him!! ish. so advice for how i should talk to her when school starts??


Belladonna (~Miriam Daisy Rose~) (miriamdaisyrose) | 25 comments Hi. So, I'm 16 (well, I'll be 16 in 8 days). I haven't dated yet and I don't plan to for quite a while, but I was given (and I love) Fr. Dan's dating tips, so I thought that I'd share them with you !



Fr. Dan's Top Ten Dating Tips

1. Always remain in the truth: Your "Yes" must mean "Yes;" your "No" must mean "No."
All else (mind games) comes from the Evil One (cf., Mathew 5:37).
Corollary: If your date lies to you, dump the person- for your good and that person's
                      good: Untrustworthy in little things -> Untrustworthy in big things.

2. Know how your date acts at home with family. This is how he or she will later act around and treat you.

3. "The sun must not set on your anger" (Ephesians 4:26). Commit to pre-sunset peace treaties.

4. NEVER make a serious decision in a state of desolation/depression. (St. Ignatious Loyola)

5. Romance should be built solidly on friendship and never be allowed to dominate friendship.
Corollary: Maximize time spent with extended network of mutual friends;
                      minimize time spent in "just-the-two-of-us-against-the-world" mode.

6. Note that EVERYONE who has fallen in love is tempted to think that his or her relationship is so deep, special, unique, perfect, meant-to-be, and unbreakable that it is an exception to the cosmic moral order and is mysteriously protected from disaster. This is a FEELING- NOT REALITY.
Corollary: If habitual drunkenness and/or drug use exists in the relationship, expect                             stupidly mistaken judgements, enslavement, and boundless pain & grief.                                 Stable, healthy friendship doesn't flourish in chemically manipulated                                       emotions.

7. Your future vocation must govern & shape your expression of love in any current relationship.
Corollary: Pray every day for the wife/husband God may be preparing you to marry.
Corollary: Pray for your boyfriend/girlfriend before & after each date, mindful that he
                      or she, too, has a destiny.
Corollary: It is safe, good, and wise to assume that someone other than yourself might
                      be the ultimate center of your girlfriend's/boyfriend's destiny.
Corollary: In light of the "Big Picture," you- including your body and imagination-
                      already belong to the spouse you may marry or to the people you may serve.
Corollary: Ask the Lord Jesus if He wishes to call you to leave everything to follow Him
                      in the priesthood or consecrated life.

("How Far Can I Go?" Section)

8. Discuss, know, and respect the sexual limits of your date: If you feel too awkward talking about these things in the light of day, you are certainly unprepared to act on them in the darkness.

9. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER make sexual decisions when in the heat o' passion.

10. Always know and- whatever the sacrifice- observe at all times the difference between:
Affection - Any actions which express and strengthen your friendship are: GOOD
                                                                 and
Arousal- Any actions which are directed at stimulating your body or that of your date toward
                      sexual intercourse- or climax - outside the permanent commitment of marriage are:
                      DANGEROUSLY SINFUL, BAD, EVIL, TO BE AVOIDED LIKE THE PLAGUE, ect.
Corollary: Learn how to dance with excellence and grace, in such a way as to govern,
                      shape, and transform the sexual instinct rather than merely surrender to it.
Corollary: Allow perfect love to cast out fear (1 John 4:18) by bringing any and all
                      failures in this commitment to the Lord's forgiveness & healing in the
                      Sacrament of Confession, as Christ desires (cf., John 20:21-23):
                      Faithfulness to God -> Faithfulness to future spouse & consecration of one's
                      destiny



message 42: by Carolyn, The God of Angel Armies (new)

Carolyn (caroheartsbooks) | 9968 comments Mod
LOVELOVELOVE MIRIAM!! great standards :D and very very very good advice! i like how they're all biblical standards too! thanx soooo much let me copy and paste this lol


message 43: by Belladonna (~Miriam Daisy Rose~) (last edited Jan 02, 2013 03:39PM) (new)

Belladonna (~Miriam Daisy Rose~) (miriamdaisyrose) | 25 comments Caro wrote: "okaay so problemo: i have a friend who had a crush on this guy in korea in 4th grd he liked her back she moved here and they kinda lost contact. found him on facebook a month ago they're really "in..."

Also, in response to your post:

I think I would just tell her that she should take things like that really slowly. And, meaningful relationships are built on friendship, so it's always good to build a good, solid friendship-foundation first.
Also, this will be a really vulnerable time for her friend, moving from one country to another. A girlfriend may not be the best thing for him right now. A good friend could give more stable support, and dating relationships tend to require a lot more effort, and, probably, stress.
You may want to bring up your concerns about not really knowing him anymore, that people can act very differently in person than they appear in writing. Perhaps also that when reading something, it can be misinterpreted, even interpreted to fit her ideas more than they really did. And that it may be good for her to take the time to really get to know him again before thinking about dating, for both their sakes. Like, a year. If it is worth dating now, it is worth dating in a year after they know each other better.
You don't want to say 'you don't know him' or 'that's stupid-are you crazy?' because that would be very alienating, and she does know him to whatever degree; and it's not a stupid idea, there just may be a better one... like waiting a loooong time.
My best friend, when we were in 7th grade, started dating a boy. I didn't see the need for dating at that age. I don't remember if I told her that or not, but I remember she would tell me what they did, excitedly, and I would get excited with her and be happy for her. Everyone needs that. I didn't judge her or anything. She later broke up with him and decided that she didn't want to date until she was older. So, I'd also say, trust your friends judgement. What is best for one person may not necessarily be best for every person, and you can't help her at all if you alienate her or cut her off from you. And you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, so don't push it- just gently tell her how you feel about the whole thing and let her make her decision for herself, then support her whichever way she goes. Dating isn't a sin, after all.


message 44: by Sam (new)

Sam (Readlovelaughlive) | 4404 comments Wise words Miriam! :)


message 45: by [deleted user] (last edited Jan 02, 2013 07:25PM) (new)

Hey, Miriam! Haven't seen you comment here like this before! :) I like your post about those dating tips. :}


message 46: by Carolyn, The God of Angel Armies (new)

Carolyn (caroheartsbooks) | 9968 comments Mod
okay thanx miriam!! really true even if i disapprove not to b sooo harsh about it talk it out as friends :) sometimes i think i intimidate her with my "God lectures" *oops*


Belladonna (~Miriam Daisy Rose~) (miriamdaisyrose) | 25 comments Thanks guys. Yeah, with break I have A LOT more free time, which means I can devote more time to doing things on Goodreads. :) And no problem, Caro :)


message 48: by Carolyn, The God of Angel Armies (new)

Carolyn (caroheartsbooks) | 9968 comments Mod
yay!! thats great :) ppl seemto leave during break. saturdays r busiest and sunday afternoons slower lol ik all this random stuff


message 49: by [deleted user] (new)

sunday afternoons especially, for me... I usually never get home until 6 pm.


message 50: by Carolyn, The God of Angel Armies (new)

Carolyn (caroheartsbooks) | 9968 comments Mod
yeah i kinda noticed. now back to dating!! anyone else have advice for my friend issue from above? thanx


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