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Weekly Poetry Stuffage > Week 149 (December 21st-December 28th). Poem. Topic: Hostage

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message 1: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments You have until December 28th to post a poem, and on December 29th-31st we’ll vote for the one we thought was best.

Please post directly into the topic and not a link. Please don’t use a poem previously used in this group. Only one poem per member please.

Your poem can be any length.

This week’s topic is: Hostage

The rules are pretty loose. You can write a poem about anything that has to do with the topic. I do not care, but the poem you post must relate to the topic somehow.

Have fun!


message 2: by Hanzleberry (new)

Hanzleberry (doughboyissweet) | 1065 comments I like this topic!


message 3: by Ajay (new)

Ajay (ajay_n) | 1135 comments Great topic, Edward!


message 4: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments Thanks. I have a felling y'all're going to creep me out during Christmas week.


message 5: by Jim (last edited Jul 19, 2013 12:19PM) (new)

Jim Agustin (jim_pascual_agustin) | 625 comments will this do? open for critique.

-o-

22disyembre2012
323-349
pb2


Armed Response Units are Always Ready to Protect You

... had to delete, hoping to submit it somewhere. Mail me if you want to read and critique. :)


message 6: by Christa - Ron Paul 2016 (last edited Dec 21, 2012 06:39PM) (new)

Christa - Ron Paul 2016 (christa-ronpaul2012) | 1365 comments oh I really like your wording on this Jim. And I love the idea of holding yourself hostage. I pictured a person being so scared, sitting in an armchair, quivering with fright and waiting to hear any tiny noise. Daring not to move for fear of tripping his own alarms. I was really surprised to see how you put all those newer Tec kind of words. Not many poems with "Voltage" or "Magnetic". Very impressive.


message 7: by M (new)

M | 11075 comments Ransom


Until she had stood, rainsoaked, in the door,
a leaf speckled with autumn in her hair,
and, as under a spell, we had stood there
kissing, the water dripping on the floor--
I hadn’t known I was a prisoner
of how she had lain in my arms in bed,
of what she had confessed or left unsaid,
the hesitating, soulful eyes of her.
I shuddered when I first became aware
that what could buy my freedom from the powers
of a world small happenings made ours,
its laughter elemental with the air,
was nothing thought could know, and nothing less
than mute, uncomprehending loneliness.


message 8: by Jim (new)

Jim Agustin (jim_pascual_agustin) | 625 comments Thanks, Christa!

M, that's stunning!


message 9: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Jim, wow!

I've really enjoyed the poems you've posted so far, and this one is no exception. You have such strong control over the words you use and create some very vibrant imagery. I found this poem fast-paced and electric. Love it!

Your writing is so far beyond my ability to critique - I would just make a fool of myself ;o) The only thing I am a little confused about, is your title. I have no doubt this is due to my own ignorance but am keen to understand.


message 10: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments M, I am speechless. As you already know, I am a huge fan of your writing. 'Ransom' has taken it to a new level altogether. It seems to me that there is a strong tie-in with 'Found Among Old Recipes'. When I read it, 'Ransom' felt as though it was expanding on the photograph you showed us earlier. I could be wrong, maybe I just enjoyed Recipes so much I wasn't ready to give it up yet! Very beautiful.


message 11: by M (last edited Dec 22, 2012 04:52AM) (new)

M | 11075 comments Thank you, Jim and Ryan! I woke up about 1 a.m. and couldn’t get back to sleep. Early morning seems to be my best time to write.

Ryan, it’s interesting that you picked up on a connection with the poem I posted last week. With this one, I had the very same setting in mind. I really appreciate your commentary. Thank you!

Jim, as usual, the images in your poem do a striking job--and what a horrible situation they conjure for the imagination! In “Armed Response Units are Always Ready to Protect You,” there doesn’t seem to be much difference between a residence and a maximum-security prison.


message 12: by Jim (last edited Dec 22, 2012 06:21AM) (new)

Jim Agustin (jim_pascual_agustin) | 625 comments Ryan wrote: "Jim, wow!

I've really enjoyed the poems you've posted so far, and this one is no exception. You have such strong control over the words you use and create some very vibrant imagery. I found this..."


Ryan,

Thanks. "Armed Response" is what they call private security companies here who "protect" homes and business establishments from... (fill in the blanks). They are bigger than the police force, and they even offer security to police officials sometimes. I am still not used to the level of paranoia in this adopted country of mine. There was one children's party I remember attending with my kids (me as the door-to-door driver) where this family's house had burglar bar gates INSIDE the hallway! I suppose they lock each gate at night. I had to ask one of the parents about this. Apparently it isn't out of the ordinary. You probably encounter some South Africans in Australia. Ask them about this. :)

I sometimes post poems on Poetry! - would be great to hear what you think of them. http://www.goodreads.com/topic/group_...


M, thank you! Not a lot of windows in middle class homes are free of burglar bars in this country. If you know the level of crime, it becomes understandable. But I still think the way you do.


message 13: by Paula Tohline (last edited Dec 22, 2012 07:21PM) (new)

Paula Tohline Calhoun (paulatohlinecalhoun) | 493 comments If It Were Up To Me

If freedom were up to me, I would be free.
That's what I tell myself. Every day.
There would be no restrictions on my movements,
I would dance and dance and dance and relish
that everyone could and would look at me;
I would sing for everyone to hear, even if
they did not want to. I would live my life
like there was no tomorrow - only an endless
succession of today. If it were up to me.
That's what I tell myself. Every day.

But I do not listen, not even to the key-keepers;
with keys made by people that love me. They shout,
sometimes, calling at me from outside the locked door,
but I do not listen. The whispers of the crowd
hold me hostage to my own self-image. I am not
free. That's what I tell myself. Every single day.
In the end, as if it matters, my freedom is my own
to take or to leave. Keeping the binders on gives me
every reason to stay where I am. Raped by
my own opinion, chained to the iron bars
of the derision of others, chains that I have
locked on - for my protection. At least I can be
an object of pity; attention without malice.
There can be comfort in captivity. No decisions,
no resolutions to make and break. No dance of my own
to choreograph, no music to write, no plans to make.

Freedom is a frightening prospect. What if?
What if the ones who watch me dance,
hear me sing, see my life for what it is -
what if they only stand on the sidelines?
What if they do not join me in the dance nor
sing out with me a great song of joy,
but only jeer and deride? What if they left me?
If I were free, perhaps I would not care.
And if that freedom were up to me, I would be free.
Wouldn't I? That's what I tell myself. Every day.

*****

Jim - FYI, this is a true first draft. If I were to edit it (I won't - no time), it would be half as long and probably say twice a much, but you gotta start somewhere. As was stated last week, the deadline is part of what makes this group so much fun, and so challenging. At least that's what I tell myself. Every damn day. . .


Christa - Ron Paul 2016 (christa-ronpaul2012) | 1365 comments M it is amazing how you can paint such a clear and beautiful picture in so small amount of words. It took me a couple of reads to realize what you were talking about. I agree with Ryan your poem held the same flavor as last week and a second dose was welcome.

Paula I think your poem was so lovely. It spoke to me in a way I think many of us can understand. Peer pressure, the fear of failure, not taking risks, call it what you like, perhaps we (or rather I) should live a little fuller. Lovely.


message 15: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Thanks for the explanation, Jim. I've never heard of Armed Reponse in that context before. It puts everything in place for me and increased my enjoyment on re-reading. It is an alien concept for me-worlds away from where I live.


message 16: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Paula, welcome back! I hope you've been well. I really liked 'If It Were Up To Me'. I found it to be not as polished as a lot of your other poems and I think the rawness of emotion increases the power of your writing in this instance. I think you've portrayed the thought of holding yourself hostage extremely well. As always, your writing is a very pleasant reading experience. :)


message 17: by Paula Tohline (new)

Paula Tohline Calhoun (paulatohlinecalhoun) | 493 comments Ryan wrote: "Paula, welcome back! I hope you've been well. I really liked 'If It Were Up To Me'. I found it to be not as polished as a lot of your other poems and I think the rawness of emotion increases the po..."

Ha! "Not polished"is a gross understatement, but you are so kind to compliment it anyway. I'll try to spend a bit more time on the next theme. Thank you, Ryan!

Christa, you are so right. So many of us allow others to decide for us what we look like, whether we are "acceptable," what kind of people we are, etc. A shame. And it's a habit I work hard each day to break!

Thanks all! I'll try to be around as often as possible - I have been declared "legally blind," and actually I am more angry about it than anything, but there is hope for a cure, with the right meds, or eventual cornea transplants. . .who knows? Speaking of nose (Har!), mine is pressed to the screen right now. Wish you could see me - it must be a sight! Merry Christmas and a blessed 2013 to all!

Paula


message 18: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments I meant that as a positive, Paula! I really enjoyed the fresh, raw feel of your poem :)


message 19: by Ryan (last edited Dec 23, 2012 01:29AM) (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Any critique most welcome.


Out of the Labyrinth
(Sanitarium)

Pupils...
dilating, undulating
to a rhythm smoothly familiar
and totally alien. Visceral
dreams of strange landscapes, blurred
and startling in their ghostly,
miasmic shifting.

Heavily viscous limbs shrieking,
straining in mute agony
against unrelenting bonds.
A captive mind pulsing
electrical fire. Cognitive lightning
jolting through a body, limp
and unresponsive, despite desperate pleas.

Horror born as realisation manifests itself:
There is no way out of the labyrinth!


message 20: by M (new)

M | 11075 comments The speaker in Paula’s “If It Were Up To Me” finds “comfort in captivity” and in the rationalizations by which she abdicates the responsibility to grow and be free, embracing the “chains that I have / locked on - for my protection. At least I can be / an object of pity . . .” What seems to me the only potential weakness in this moving expose of the neurotic self-absorption seemingly common these days is the speaker’s awareness that “[i]n the end, as if it matters, my freedom is my own / to take or to leave.” The bars of the imprisoning cage of the speaker’s quivering psyche can hold only as long as she refuses to face the truth that the responsibility for her freedom rests with her. The speaker in this eloquent poem has not only faced it but seems unabashedly honest about it.

Ryan’s “Out of the Labyrinth (Sanitarium)” is chilling--the “captive mind,” the “body, limp / and unresponsive, despite desperate pleas,” the horror of the realization that one is now a prisoner of the labyrinth of one’s mind. The lean, graphic writing and harrowing scenario make this a gripping poem.


message 21: by Stephanie (last edited Dec 26, 2012 08:05AM) (new)

Stephanie (chasmofbooks) | 2875 comments All right, I sure hope it turned out well. I've read and reread it, and this is all I can come up with.

Title: Dead Hostage

In the darkest halls,
she whispers in the night;
songs from her deep hell,
come asking for her knights.

Now the girl lays still,
a hostage of the night,
dreaming of silent kills
performed by the knights.

Her songs go unheard,
by all who fear the night.
And in the dark fly birds,
to watch the deeds of knights.

Watching for their chance
to dive in the cruel night;
down to the earth with a glance,
to eat the cruel knights.

Vengeance for the hostage!
Vengeance on the knights!
Now they sleep in the carriage,
on a cold winter night.


message 22: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, M. I always look forward to your interpretation and feedback. Feel free to offer any criticisms/suggestions that you may have on anything I submit, it is always appreciated.


message 23: by M (new)

M | 11075 comments I just read “Dead Hostage.” Very nice, Stephanie! You did a masterful job with the repeating “night/knights” that reverses order in the last stanza.


message 24: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments Stephanie and M's are easily my favorites, mostly because I can read them aloud and feel the words flow. I'm not insinuating that the rest don't flow; I just have trouble reading poetry sometimes.

Stephanie, I loved the form too, and the subject matter. We tend to take it for granted that the hostage will be saved when knights are involved; that was a most artful reversal.

M, I'm not sure what to say. That was wonderful.


message 25: by M (new)

M | 11075 comments Thank you, Edward!


message 26: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie (chasmofbooks) | 2875 comments Thank you, M and Edward! I'm so happy you guys liked it!


message 27: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Hi, Stephanie. I really enjoyed 'Dead Hostage'. I'm usually not a big fan of repeating verses/words as I find I start to skip over them. You handled it so skillfully though-I was savoring each line and certainly didn't skip a thing. I thought the reversal in the last stanza was very effective. Very nicely done ;)


message 28: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie (chasmofbooks) | 2875 comments Thank you, Ryan!


message 29: by Stephanie (last edited Dec 27, 2012 09:02AM) (new)

Stephanie (chasmofbooks) | 2875 comments Ryan, nice job with Out of the Labyrinth. I really enjoyed the first stanza. "Pupils.../ dilating, undulating/ to a rhythm smoothly familiar/ and totally alien." I like out the words flow and work together. Very nice.

Whoa, M. That was.... Breathless and so smooth. I don't know how you did it, but it was seamless. Amazing!

Paula, I like how you began and ended the poem with the statement, "If freedom were up to me, I would be free." It tied everything together and painted a picture of a person keeping themselves hostage with their own lack of confidence.

Jim, I could see everything in your poem, particularly the little droplets of dew. But I love how the words, "breaths of space" just breathe across the screen and slow the poem down to slow motion as you imagine everything in it.


message 30: by M (new)

M | 11075 comments Thank you, Stephanie!


message 31: by Jim (new)

Jim Agustin (jim_pascual_agustin) | 625 comments Thanks, Stephanie!


message 32: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Thank you, Stephanie.


message 33: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie (chasmofbooks) | 2875 comments My pleasure. :)


message 34: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments Thank you, Ste- wait ... never mind.


message 35: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie (chasmofbooks) | 2875 comments Haha


message 36: by Paul (new)

Paul Toderas My informatical

The system is broken,
My eyes on the screen, that flickers,
Input letters, numbers,
Create words and sums.

Data is transferred faster,
A mail gets to you right now,
Don’t have to wait ages,
In the post office line.

Fancy some gaming?
Maybe a song?
Or just sit back, be comfy,
A movie is on.

Feeling a bit blue tonight?
No meaning no dime?
Decide to be friendly, a social mind,
So visit that Facebook, and,
Post poems and rhymes.


message 37: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie (chasmofbooks) | 2875 comments For some reason, I really just enjoyed the rhyme in stanza three. I don't know why I prefer that one over the others, only that I do. And I like how the words in stanza one work together to create the illusion of a flickering screen. Nicely done.


message 38: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments Al. That's awesome. I love the imagery. Very poignant.


message 39: by Hanzleberry (new)

Hanzleberry (doughboyissweet) | 1065 comments Alex... this is awesome. I love it! Probably one of your best in my opinion. <3


message 40: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments You're worried? I'm worried. I think I might just delete the story I posted for this week. It's not very good, or long. blah.


message 41: by Hanzleberry (new)

Hanzleberry (doughboyissweet) | 1065 comments We're both still awake?? Oh, how dreadful!


message 42: by Hanzleberry (new)

Hanzleberry (doughboyissweet) | 1065 comments I can't sleep with it either. I'm coughing like crazy. And this fever's intense... :(


message 43: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments Eh. I don't know. It's a really personal story.


message 44: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments FINE. I'll leave it up for you, Al. Haha. Also, so I won't be like M XD


message 45: by M (new)

M | 11075 comments ?


message 46: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments "Bloody Romance" could be a decent name for your poem Al.


message 47: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments Most poems and songs have fairly obvious names, but okay. "Caged Love" suggests a bit of a feral element, er ...

Nope, that's all I got. Good luck with that.


message 48: by M (new)

M | 11075 comments Paul’s “My informatical” goes along trippingly! One hopes the poem’s speaker, faced with a flickering screen, will get the system fixed quickly and resume his enjoyment of instant information.

What’s romance without a desire to inflict pain? The lovers in Alex’s graphic “Animus” circle each other before the attack, though it looks as though their embrace won’t be a bloody one.


message 49: by Rose (new)

Rose Boehm (rosemaryboehm) I seem to have voted - what I wanted was to read the poems and there was a link "read poems here" but when I clicked I had voted. Every which way I got to the voting page. :(


message 50: by Rose (new)

Rose Boehm (rosemaryboehm) It's the gremlins, Alex. All the way from Peru :)


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