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message 1: by regan (new)

regan Post your own writing here! It can be in a link or just typed here! If you would not like feedback, type so in bold at the top of your post please! :)


Okay, here's one of my friend's writings. She's doing short stories on the Percy Jackson and Heroes series. They are super good! Please take a look!

http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/3...


message 2: by Jacob (new)

Jacob Hott (jacobhottlifesucksthenwedie) | 462 comments So idk if any of this is good I am currently writing directly off of my head...i am unsure where it is leading and i'll take any feedback except grammar feedback given I don't give a damn....thnx


The Winter chill crept down my spine warning me to turn back to the warmth of my home. I couldn't do it.
Boreas's breath beat hard against my chest. My ears and finger tips were growing numb. I quickly paced into the mouth of the cave.
I remember seeing it in my dream. The moon was covered in blood. My breath seemed to freeze each time it passed from my mouth.
I moved toward the cave and the winds began to whisper warnings to me. I tried hard to convince myself to turn back, but the warnings only pushed me further. I could not resist walking into my own death. After all, it was just a dream.
But, now it was real. I faced this alone with no one at my side. As my ears felt like bleeding from the pounding pressure of my heart. I took a step into the pitch darkness and instantly received a breath of warmth against my frost bitten cheeks.
My sword and shield drawn ready for attack I begin to realize that these last few breaths are my very last.

The Earthen floor begins to rumble in an eerie laughter as the sleeping woman edges closer. "My poor hero." Her voice spoke as if singing a tragedy poem. "Now is the final moment you will have to ever linger on memory." The eyes of the sleeping woman slowly opened a bright deadly glow over whelming the entire cave. The Earth shook with joy to release it's full power upon mankind.
I was the first to witness the greatness of Gaia's power. I quivered in fear, but did not allow it to overwhelm me. Hoisting my blade high into the air above me I called out in a prayr. "Lord Hades, Forgive me for what I've done. Take my soul as payment for the death of your last son. Allow this blade to hold your might as I pierce the heart of mother Gaia on this red night." My sword ran through the soil complexity forming into a glowing eyed woman. However, Hades answered my prayr as the blade seemd to be made of not Earth but of shadow and it darkened Gaia turning her flesh no longer fertile and brown,but plagued and black. Her eyes slowly turned to locust as she melted back into the Earth.
I watched her in no hurry to escape the now collapsing tunnel.
Gaia recoiled opening her arms wide to her husband Ouranus. He cry for his aid went unheard as the cave fell in over us. Everything was black...I was falling but for so long it began to feel normal. Pain no longer coursed through my flesh...I was nothing.

I passed under pillars in the shape of large demonic clawed feet. Lanes going three ways. I was led instantly to a palace. Far beyond the dark horizon the fires of turmoil and pain burned brightly over the shadowed screams of sinners.
Walking into the black marble palace felt cold. I moved into a thrown room were a heavenly light shined down upon one thrown where a beauty of spring sat gracefully.
Hades no doubt sat in the shadows of his own. "Gabriel, You are my last son."


~The End~


message 3: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments That was AWESOME. I loved it! You have a way with words, my friend.


Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge) Inigo (eiyah_fantasyfreak) | 1602 comments Mod
FireboltMidnight13906 ~Elisar~ wrote: "That was AWESOME. I loved it! You have a way with words, my friend."

IKR?! The words flew perfectly and it was welcoming the reader.


message 5: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments So, erm, this is something I wrote for the end of the MoA. Don't read if you don't want feedback. Angst. Sadness. The works.

---

Darkness. Pain. Confusion.
She couldn't see anything. She could here her own pulse, and the pain in her leg was unbearable. It was as if she had received a thousand stabs from a poisoned blade.
But mostly, she was confused. Her breath was short and ragged. She stood up, leaning on her good leg, and saw something in a small, yellow light that made her eyes bulge.
Ambrosia.
A small bag of the godly food lay a foot away from her. After a moment of examination, she ate the square, and felt her leg heal, as well as the multiple scratches along her. She felt rejuvenated. She could walk, and Hades, she knew she could run.
The bag had many more squares, so she shoved the baggie in her jeans pocket and saw a gleam near the bag. Her dagger.
The picked it up and pushed the blade into her sheath.
Her shoulders sagged in relief. She was armed and had healing properties with her.
But... Where was he?
She knew he would be near. She knew it. She... She felt it.
She looked to where she found her blade and the squares. A note.
Sacrifices. Sweet, sweet sacrifices. -Nemesis
Her blood ran cold and her heart almost stopped. "P... Percy?" she squeaked. "Percy?" she said, slightly more frantic. "Percy? Percy!" she yelled, trying not to draw attention towards her. "PERCY!" she tried, her care going out the window.
That's when she saw it.
Green.
Green orbs. Sea green. Glowing. Marbles?
No, eyes.
Eyes.
With all her strength, she ran to the orbs and stepped close. She crouched down and unsheathed her blade, using it's dim glow as a light.
When she saw what she saw, her throat closed up and she felt herself break. "No... No... No. No! No!" she screamed, tears already falling.
Perseus Jackson lay, eyes wide open, lifeless. The fall had ultimately killed him. His body was in a broken state, limbs twisting in ways limbs shouldn't. Blood leaked from his mouth, but worse, someone placed another note on him.
For the safety of you, Miss Chase, we had to kill Perseus. Your brains would have proven much more useful than his blundering strength.
No name was at the end of the statement. She didn't need one. She knew who did this. "Hera. Hera. HERA!" she screamed.
She began to sob, broken, ragged sobs. A foodbag shimmered next to him. Food. Food. She wasn't hungry.
The walls began to close in. The moved closer, and a demonic voice whispered. "Forever trapped... Never to be released... Your fate is the same..."
Before they could reach her, they took the corpse of Percy Jackson, and pushed the baggie closer.
With a final scream, she picked up the bag, and fell to her knees ad sobbed for hours, a cold hand clenching around her heart.
Sacrifices


Fin.


Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge) Inigo (eiyah_fantasyfreak) | 1602 comments Mod
FireboltMidnight13906 ~Elisar~ wrote: "So, erm, this is something I wrote for the end of the MoA. Don't read if you don't want feedback. Angst. Sadness. The works.

---

Darkness. Pain. Confusion.
She couldn't see anything. She could ..."


.sdwwet32$$@$$~%7////???????


message 7: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments :D I'm such a cheerful soul. :D


Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge) Inigo (eiyah_fantasyfreak) | 1602 comments Mod
Curse you, hera. (*screams at the skies* SEE HOW I DON'T WRITE YOUR NAME IN CAPITAL?!)


message 9: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments xD


Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge) Inigo (eiyah_fantasyfreak) | 1602 comments Mod
I swear, I'm gonna (excuse me for my language.)(view spoiler) her over her face!


message 11: by Elisar (last edited Dec 23, 2012 08:06AM) (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments Girl, I was waiting for someone to curse. I've had to refrain from using (view spoiler) for so long. Guiltily. Thank you :D


Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge) Inigo (eiyah_fantasyfreak) | 1602 comments Mod
XD See that, hera?! You make innocent girls curse!


message 13: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments YEAH. xD


Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge) Inigo (eiyah_fantasyfreak) | 1602 comments Mod
And you're welcome. ^-^


message 15: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments xD


Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge) Inigo (eiyah_fantasyfreak) | 1602 comments Mod
...po-ta-to...


message 17: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments Nigahiga reference?


Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge) Inigo (eiyah_fantasyfreak) | 1602 comments Mod
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?


message 19: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments Nevermind...


Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge) Inigo (eiyah_fantasyfreak) | 1602 comments Mod
LOL XP


message 21: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments Anywho...

What did you think of the actual writing?


message 22: by Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge), Rules Regulator (last edited Dec 23, 2012 08:23AM) (new)

Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge) Inigo (eiyah_fantasyfreak) | 1602 comments Mod
Of whate?


message 23: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments The story.


Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge) Inigo (eiyah_fantasyfreak) | 1602 comments Mod
Depressing, really really depressing...


message 25: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments :D Aw, thanks! That's my style - Angst and Horror. I started a blog a week ago to put them up. Author-to-be. :D


Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge) Inigo (eiyah_fantasyfreak) | 1602 comments Mod
XD Future authors of the world...UNITE! Soon to be famous author...ELISAR! XD


message 27: by regan (new)

regan FireboltMidnight13906 ~Elisar~ wrote: "So, erm, this is something I wrote for the end of the MoA. Don't read if you don't want feedback. Angst. Sadness. The works.

---

Darkness. Pain. Confusion.
She couldn't see anything. She could ..."


Omg, Elisar, it was beautifully written but it's making me cry! My family is looking at me like, "What's wrong, dear?" and I'm saying, "Nothing, ya wouldn't understand." But just omg. You could be RR for all I know its so well written :,,)


message 28: by regan (new)

regan Jacob wrote: "So idk if any of this is good I am currently writing directly off of my head...i am unsure where it is leading and i'll take any feedback except grammar feedback given I don't give a damn....thnx

..."


I really like this! It was mysterious and thought provoking :)


message 29: by regan (new)

regan Althea *Go wolves and dragons!* wrote: "XD Future authors of the world...UNITE! Soon to be famous author...ELISAR! XD"

YESSSS!!!! Next thing we know:

*Newspaper article*
The newly found best selling author Elisar ____(idk your last name! XD) is a millionaire for her brilliantly written novels! All her books will be soon made into movies. This will obviously be more lucrative than Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, and any other book you can think of! Bravo miss Elisar!


message 30: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments D'awww.... Thanks. :D Appreciated. I only wrote that in five minutes. I have WAY more.


message 31: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments That was the intention! WOO!


message 32: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments :D


message 33: by Megan (new)

Megan | 671 comments FireboltMidnight13906 ~Ελιζαρ~ wrote: "So, erm, this is something I wrote for the end of the MoA. Don't read if you don't want feedback. Angst. Sadness. The works.

---

Darkness. Pain. Confusion.
She couldn't see anything. She could ..."


That was really good. Though it almost made me cry because it was so sad! but anyways really good!


message 34: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments Thank you so much! I really appreciate that.


message 35: by regan (new)

regan Omg, both of yours was so good I have to read them again...then cry! *rereads...*


message 36: by regan (new)

regan FireboltMidnight13906 ~Ελιζαρ~ wrote: "D'awww.... Thanks. :D Appreciated. I only wrote that in five minutes. I have WAY more."

More?!?!?! YESSSS!!! *pumps fist*


message 37: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments :D


message 38: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments It was cold outside.
Okay, so he was right. Big deal? I wasn't admitting to that any day.
Perseus Jackson is never right over Annabeth Chase. Publicly.
I stared at the blinking red light, a silhouette of a hand, saying that I should not cross the road. Normally, I would have just said, "Screw the laws, this is just a recommendation," and crossed the damn road anyway, the no-o. Cars had to be going thirty miles an hour above the limit, which would mean I couldn't cross the road without being hit by a car and dying instantly.
That wouldn't be very nice to see on my shroud. "Annabeth Chase, hit by a car. She will be loved and remembered."
Nope, definitely didn't want that.
I hugged my sides and shivered. Why on earth was it four degrees? I don't know. But I should have predicted this. I am in New York for the week. No longer in California, and I'm not used San Francisco yet. I'm an idiot.
I decided to go back into the library and wait out, because at this rate, the temperature was dropping, and I didn't need frostbite. No thanks.
I turned, and nearly screamed when I saw Percy behind me, arms crossed over his chest, grinning like an idiot.
"Cold, huh?" he said. Oh, he was mocking me. Damn him. Him and his good looks.
"Sh... Shut up..." I muttered, my teeth chattering.
He seemed to notice that I was freezing, and pulled off his Goode High Sweater, and pulled it over my head before I could react.
Before I could thank him, I saw that he was also wearing a t-shirt, as was I. The linen shirt was obviously something you'd wear to the beach in July. His cheeks began to go red, but his grin never left his face.
I hugged him and muttered, "Thank you. Now, Seaweed Brain, we should get home. It's cold."
He kissed my forehead, and said, sarcasm almost oozing from his voice, "No, really? I thought it was July! Silly me."
I punched him in the arm and dragged him across the temporarily empty streets of New York to get him to his appartment before he froze to death.
Him and his sarcastic, obtuse personality. Then again, he was Percy Jackson, the kid I've known since I was twelve, so I could deal with him. Maybe.


Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge) Inigo (eiyah_fantasyfreak) | 1602 comments Mod
FireboltMidnight13906 ~Ελιζαρ~ wrote: "It was cold outside.
Okay, so he was right. Big deal? I wasn't admitting to that any day.
Perseus Jackson is never right over Annabeth Chase. Publicly.
I stared at the blinking red light, a silhou..."


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwww....PERCABETH FLUFFXD

Hear that RR? A real happy ending. Take a mental picture at the masters work. This should publish in RR books.


message 40: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments This is based on something I actually saw a couple do. Both my mom and I were like "Awwwwwwwwww!" at the same time. O.o


Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge) Inigo (eiyah_fantasyfreak) | 1602 comments Mod
...O.o YOUR MOM'S A FAN OF PJO?!?!?!


message 42: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments No, we saw this happen in real life while in the car. On a red light, we both saw this teenage boy give his girlfriend his sweater, and all he had was a t-shirt. IT WAS ADORABLE.

And, my mom calls Percy Jackson "Jercy Packson" JUST to irritate me.


Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge) Inigo (eiyah_fantasyfreak) | 1602 comments Mod
=.= my mom calls him "Percy Jackson" in a baby voice like she's talking to a five year old.


message 44: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments xD My mom thinks I'm nuts. The first time I talked about him, this is how the conversation went:

*Awkward*
Mom: So, your boyfriend's name is Percy Jackson?
Elisar: *blushes* MOM. I'm only eleven. I'm not like (MAKESUPNAME) Julia from school, who dates people left and right. Besides, Percy totally belongs to Annabeth.
Mom: Is she, erm, a friend of yours?
Elisar: I wish.
Mom: Elisar, I don't think you should dwell on that. If she were your friend, that would be fine, but be a leader, not a follower.
Elisar: Erm, what?
Mom: Just be careful sweetie.
Elisar: -.- You do realize I'm talking about completely fictional characters, right?
Mom: Oh, well, never mind. Love you.
Elisar: What the hell?
Mom: Oh, so what about Parry Hotter? Is he still your favourite character?
Elisar: *facepalm* Just... stop, mom. Really.


Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge) Inigo (eiyah_fantasyfreak) | 1602 comments Mod
LOL. Parry HotterXD Really?


message 46: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments Not even kidding. And she knows the names. She just wants me to suffer in irritation.


message 47: by Megan (new)

Megan | 671 comments FireboltMidnight13906 ~Ελιζαρ~ wrote: "It was cold outside.
Okay, so he was right. Big deal? I wasn't admitting to that any day.
Perseus Jackson is never right over Annabeth Chase. Publicly.
I stared at the blinking red light, a silhou..."


Cute Cute Cute Cute Cute Cute CUTE! and did I mention that that was Adorable!!!!! Love it, yeah RR why not do this Happy ending, not depressing Cliffhangers!


message 48: by Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge), Rules Regulator (last edited Dec 23, 2012 07:10PM) (new)

Althea *Go wolves and dragons!*(Coach Hedge) Inigo (eiyah_fantasyfreak) | 1602 comments Mod
The curse of Mr. D...


message 49: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments Althea *Go wolves and dragons!* wrote: "The curse of Mr. D..."

:P


message 50: by Elisar (new)

Elisar (ehlihr) | 450 comments Megan wrote: "FireboltMidnight13906 ~Ελιζαρ~ wrote: "It was cold outside.
Okay, so he was right. Big deal? I wasn't admitting to that any day.
Perseus Jackson is never right over Annabeth Chase. Publicly.
I sta..."


Thank you! :D Appreciated. :D


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