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Humorous Stuff > Be a Genie!

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message 1: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
This is a game I have been known to play. You are a genie. You are also very, very angry, for reasons that aren't important. You are just thinking about how angry you are, when someones rubs your lamp. The aim of the game is to seriously annoy the person (kill them, if you want).

For example; if they wish for a million dollars, make a million dollars in coins appear directly above their head, crushing them dead. Obviously, the game has two parts; thwart the wish above you, and then make your own wish. There is already a thread for arguements, use if you want, just don't argue here. That applies to everyone, so call anyone doing this out. I'll start;

"I wish I had the ability to stop time!"


message 2: by Laszlo, The Professor (new)

Laszlo (steampunk) | 1849 comments Mod
Granted, but the cat is a lion and you are about to be eaten.

I wish for nothing bad to happen to the world's population. The entire population includes me and animals.
((I am going to move this to the Games folder, if you do not mind.))


ℂᖺαᖇᒪἷ℮ ⊰1017 &Tardis⊱ (charlie_awesome) | 376 comments Earth is transported to another galaxy. Suckers.

I wish The Doctor would visit me


message 4: by Laszlo, The Professor (new)

Laszlo (steampunk) | 1849 comments Mod
Granted, but the time lines are mixed up, and, for unknown reasons, he hates you.

I wish the Doctor would visit Charlie.


ℂᖺαᖇᒪἷ℮ ⊰1017 &Tardis⊱ (charlie_awesome) | 376 comments He visits Laszlo instead.

I wish for a perfect wish.


message 6: by Laszlo, The Professor (new)

Laszlo (steampunk) | 1849 comments Mod
The wish is transported to another galaxy.

I wish for a horrible wish.


ℂᖺαᖇᒪἷ℮ ⊰1017 &Tardis⊱ (charlie_awesome) | 376 comments You get a wet, crumpled, possibly used piece of toilet paper.

I wish for snow on Christmas.


message 8: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
It appears, but moving at break neck speed, and inside your brain. Small or not, it does some serious shredding.

I wish that bees obey my commands!


message 9: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
Laszlo wrote: "Granted, but the cat is a lion and you are about to be eaten.

I wish for nothing bad to happen to the world's population. The entire population includes me and animals.
((I am going to move this t..."


((Sure, go ahead.))


message 10: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
I stop you existing, and destroy any proof that you ever existed, including memories.

I wish that earthquakes were an impossibility.


message 11: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
A complete set of dictionaries/theasurusi and encyclopeidia (guess which of those is spelt correctly) materailises above your head. It falls, and collapses your skull.


message 12: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
Oh, and I wish the number of trees worldwide suddenly doubled.


message 13: by Laszlo, The Professor (new)

Laszlo (steampunk) | 1849 comments Mod
Well, trees create oxygen. If the trees that double double themselves, then
TO²×c=∞
So, with the excess of oxygenation, people can die at any second.

I wish for oxygen.


message 14: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (last edited Dec 20, 2012 04:41PM) (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
I make it so that all 'air' that enters your lungs is transformed to pure oxygen. This causes oxygen toxicity, which, according to wikipedia;

Central nervous system toxicity is caused by short exposure to high concentrations of oxygen at greater than atmospheric pressure. Pulmonary and ocular toxicity result from longer exposure to elevated oxygen levels at normal pressure. Symptoms may include disorientation, breathing problems, and vision changes such as myopia. Prolonged or very high oxygen concentrations can cause oxidative damage to cell membranes, the collapse of the alveoli in the lungs, retinal detachment, and seizures.

Kggelen, I give you one penny, but it is moving at the speed of sound, at your face. From a distance of three centimetres.

I wish that I couldn't feel sad about things.


message 15: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
I give you malaria, then. You die a slow, painful death.

I wish I had telekinesis.


message 16: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
I give you windscreen wipers, but I materialise them in your eyes.


message 17: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
Oh, and I wish I could remember to put a wish in the original post.


message 18: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
You die. Good luck taking tests now.

I wish that I was watching Macgyver right now...


message 19: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
That's not a wish. I give you NO COOKIES!


message 20: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
I give you cookies, made of anti-matter. Massive energy release! Haha!

I wish that, without any change to myself, I was the lonliest, saddest, most spiteful, most unconsiderate, least friendly person on Earth.


message 21: by Laszlo, The Professor (new)

Laszlo (steampunk) | 1849 comments Mod
That is two wishes!


message 22: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
I materialise a chocolate chip cookie, in your spinal column. This is going to keep happening, you know.

I wish for good luck.


message 23: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
Laszlo wrote: "That is two wishes!"

One wish. A very large wish, but one never the less.


message 24: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
I give you a regular cookie in your mouth. It was poisoned. It was a regular standard kind of poisoned cookie.

I wish I didn't have to log off Goodreads now.


message 25: by Laszlo, The Professor (new)

Laszlo (steampunk) | 1849 comments Mod
Granted, but you must stay on forever.

I wish Badgerlord didn't have to log off.


message 26: by Laszlo, The Professor (new)

Laszlo (steampunk) | 1849 comments Mod
It explodes in your mouth. It is still regular, it was just a little molecular degradation.

I wish John and Allison would come back.


message 27: by Laszlo, The Professor (new)

Laszlo (steampunk) | 1849 comments Mod
Granted. You eat a cookie, it explodes in your mouth, and you must get stitches.

I wish people remembered my nickname.


message 28: by Laszlo, The Professor (new)

Laszlo (steampunk) | 1849 comments Mod
Granted. You eat a cookie, it explodes in your mouth, and you must get stitches. Harm is an opinion.

I wish I have read every book in the world.


message 29: by Laszlo, The Professor (new)

Laszlo (steampunk) | 1849 comments Mod
No, because harm is an opinion.


message 30: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
I would, under normal circumstances, agree with Kggelen in that stitches are included under the general catagory of harm for most people, and therefore should be upheld. However, in the concept of the situation, a genie, being cosmically powerful could be resonably assumed to consider stitches a minor incovience.


message 31: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (last edited Dec 20, 2012 07:20PM) (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
Laszlo wrote: "Granted. You eat a cookie, it explodes in your mouth, and you must get stitches. Harm is an opinion.

I wish I have read every book in the world."


All books except The Two Towersare permanately erased from history, and creating new books becomes psycologically impossible. You read it, and therefore have read every book in the world.

I wish my name was scorched onto the visible surface of the moon.


message 32: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
You can't properly control your magic powers, and then end up being such a threat to everyone but you that you are forced to constantly put those you hold dear at risk, or turn your back on society and live a lonely life, shunning compainonship for their sake. Your choice.

I wish that the day was an hour longer.


message 33: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
You known that thing I do where I materialise whatever you wanted travelling at breakneck speed at your face? I do that. You die.

I wish the universe always conspired to give me amazingly dramatic entrances.


message 34: by Laszlo, The Professor (new)

Laszlo (steampunk) | 1849 comments Mod
The moose is in an alternate dimension, and when traveling through dimensional planes to get your moose, you suffer from molecular degradation. You try to cure yourself using magic, but magic does not work in this dimension. Distressed, you attempt to run back to your home dimension to cure yourself, but you explode one second before yo get there. Meanwhile, your moose lives a sad and lonely life, shunned by society. It meets alternate Charlie, who teaches it about alternate universes and different dimensions, and successfully creates a machine which allows it to hop between dimensions, then attempts to find you. When it gets to this dimension, it quickly finds out about your death, and the dimensional hopper which allowed it to get here has broken down. It attempts to ask for help, but finds out that in this universe moose are not treated the same way as in his home universe, and that no one can understand moose speak. Alternate Charlie attempts to save the moose, but suffers from molecular degradation and explodes.

I wish I could meet a talking cow.


message 35: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
Moose. Crazy speeds. Face.

I wish that people always started with the assumption that I'm intelligent.


message 36: by Laszlo, The Professor (new)

Laszlo (steampunk) | 1849 comments Mod
What?


message 37: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
You heard me.


message 38: by Laszlo, The Professor (new)

Laszlo (steampunk) | 1849 comments Mod
No I didn't.


message 39: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
Err, sorry. I didn't know you had commented by Kggelen and my comments. My bad.


message 40: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
You do meet a talking cow, but the events of your meeting are rather swift; you were in a car crash with the cow, and you both died.

I wish that people always started with the assumption that I'm intelligent.


❄️ Propertea Of Frostea ❄️ Bitter SnoBerry ❄ (berrynumey) You'd be locked up in a cell for lunatics (too harsh?)

I wish I met...someone.


message 42: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
That someone is the Grim Reaper.

I wish that everything I put in my mouth tasted good.


message 43: by Rinasa1234 (new)

Rinasa1234 | 661 comments The book does come out of the car. In fact, it comes flying out and slams you in the face.
I wish my money will come back.


message 44: by Laszlo, The Professor (new)

Laszlo (steampunk) | 1849 comments Mod
Granted. It comes back in the form of golden rain, killing everyone in its path.

I wish that, not to be rude, I just it would be interesting, Kggelen stopped caring about grammar for one day.


message 45: by Rinasa1234 (new)

Rinasa1234 | 661 comments Your new coat is woven from really itchy fibers and you laugh so much you suffocate. I wish for a light sprinkling of snow.


ℂᖺαᖇᒪἷ℮ ⊰1017 &Tardis⊱ (charlie_awesome) | 376 comments I wish for Christmas


message 47: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
Rinasa1234 wrote: "Your new coat is woven from really itchy fibers and you laugh so much you suffocate. I wish for a light sprinkling of snow."

A light sprinkling of snow starts, and never stops. Regardless of the lightness, you eventually get snowed into your house, and starve.


message 48: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (last edited Dec 23, 2012 03:01PM) (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
ℂᖺαᖇᒪἷ℮-ωα ⊰♡1017 & ♡ Tardis!⊱ wrote: "I wish for Christmas"

I send who into a story where it is Christmas. Unfortunately, that story happens to be The Little Match Girl, by Hans Christian Andersen. If you haven't read that story; you should. It's short but good.


message 49: by Badgerlord, Marquis de Badger (new)

Badgerlord | 727 comments Mod
I wish that the genie will ignore anything I say.

...

Is this a paradox?


message 50: by Laszlo, The Professor (new)

Laszlo (steampunk) | 1849 comments Mod
It is a paradox, and the time and space is broken. You have created a wormhole.

I wish to close the wormhole.


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