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message 1: by Michael (new)

Michael (michaeldiack) | 16 comments Genetic engineering has accomplished many things, one of which has been to create the Super Spud! The humble potato elevated to new heights, creating the most flavoursome crisps ever known to humankind! But that's not all - A magical transformation occurs to all Super Spud crisps not eaten before their use-by date. They take on a life of their own. And so long as they remain undetected by humans, they enjoy life in their own Super Spud cities, take part in major Super Spud sporting events and even start the odd Super Spud war or two. Join Colin, Cougar, Hannibal Vector, Generals Rock, Jock and Strap and all the others in their rollicking adventures. You'll never look at a packet of crisps in the same way again! Fun, quirky and totally original, Michael Diack's debut is strictly for those who are still big kids at heart.


message 2: by Victoria (new)

Victoria Pearson Ok, so this is (very nearly at least) the blurb of my next book (spring 2013 if you are wondering). Please feel free to be as critical as you like (I am a big girl, I can take it). There are a few sentences I am not too comfortable with, and I'd be interested to know if they jar other people and how you would fix it ;~)

Strange Worlds - Surreal Stories and Tainted Tales


Slip into 12 dark tales that see the world through a strange new perspective.
Meet zombies, vampires, leprechauns, even Sleeping Beauty and the Frog Prince as you have never seen them before. Ponder what the world feels like to a child as yet unborn, spend a sleepless night with a would-be murderer and see what becomes of the angel who trades places with one of the most vulnerable in our society. How does life feel when you can no longer rely on your senses, or when you have no-one left to trust?
Short, sharp slices of life , twisted takes on fairytales old and miniature sketches of surreal lives. If you like you fiction shrouded in darkness and sprinkled with the strange this is the collection for you.

See the world through someone else’s mind…


message 3: by Victoria (new)

Victoria Pearson That was indeed the sentence I was struggling with.


message 4: by J.D. (new)

J.D. Hughes (jdhughes) | 10 comments William is right, Victoria. It works fine without that sentence.

Typo alert: 'your' fiction, not 'you' fiction :)


message 5: by Victoria (new)

Victoria Pearson Wel it didn't start off like that and I may end up cutting it entirely. It was supposed to show the reder that there are different lengths of story within. I write flash fiction often, and there are a few flash fic pieces in there, but my typesetter didn't think people who don't write flash fiction may not know what it is, so I changed it to the "minature sketches" part instead. I now think it looks a bit flowery though :~/


message 6: by Victoria (new)

Victoria Pearson J.D. wrote: "William is right, Victoria. It works fine without that sentence.

Typo alert: 'your' fiction, not 'you' fiction :)"


Thanks so much for pointing that out! A typo on the blurb would look most sloppy and I hadn't spotted that one :~)


message 7: by Ginny (new)

Ginny Atkinson (djinn) | 37 comments Best description of the one that is currently devouring my time.

A rural cop is emailed a video of a ritualistic killing that appears all to real. When more videos and a body show up, he must force himself into the deviant mind of a religious serial killer out to cleanse the world of evil.

That pretty much sums up everything. This one kind of shocked me. It forced me out of my comfort zone in both style and substance. I normally plan out every detail but this time I'm just letting it flow. I want to see where the characters take me.


message 8: by Ginny (new)

Ginny Atkinson (djinn) | 37 comments Keshena wrote: "The best description I can think of for the book I'm currently writing is "Twilight Meets Skins". It has all the romantic, supernatural intrigue of the former, but the latter's authentic, raw depic..."

I would love to read that.


message 9: by Louise (new)

Louise West | 11 comments This is my blurb for Late: a ghostly tale (a short story-only 3000 odd words long).

Long after the children have escaped for home, a lone schoolteacher is working late. But is she really alone? Is someone there that she can't see? And what do they want?

A chilling ghost story to enjoy and share on dark, winter nights. Just make sure you're not the one who has to turn off the light...


message 10: by Victoria (new)

Victoria Pearson That is really good Louise, sums up the story perfectly without giving too much away.

If anyone in this group hasn't read Louise's short story Late: a ghostly taleyou really should. Come highly recommended (by ME of course lol)


message 11: by Scott (new)

Scott McCloskey | 50 comments Louise, I would say that description is short and to the point, which works out just great. For a ghost story you really have to be careful not to accidentally give too much away, and it's hard to balance that with wanting to tell people about your story. You have a good balance there.

Hmmm...since we're sharing, here's the one I use. I'm not sure if it's a bit wordy, but I felt I needed to add enough to generate reader interest since the genre of the book is so commonplace these days...

What do you do when a magic spell tries to cast YOU?

Theodore Nathan Ellsworth must be the only kid on earth who hated winning the lottery. His peaceful junior high life was turned upside down when his once-loving parents shipped him off to a stuffy prep school where bullies pick fights with him every day. Add in Marie, his overachieving little sister who loves to tease him, and it's no wonder Theo would rather escape into his beloved fantasy novels than read that fresh copy of the Wall Street Journal that's waiting for him at the breakfast table every morning.

When Theo dodges a crabby librarian and borrows a strange book he found deep in forgotten aisles at school, he's whisked away to a world that's not like anything he's ever read about before. There are a lot of important lessons to be learned in this strange land, like how many hooves an escarot has, and NEVER to stare at a reflectia tree! The good news is, it's a time of peace and prosperity for all. The bad news is, everybody's calling Theo a Traveler of Tarad Ord, sent to restore the balance between good and evil. But if the world is already good, then what team is he supposed to be playing for?

With the promise of high adventure and the fate of an entire world on his shoulders, Theo learns he'll need to grow up fast if he's going to protect Marie and survive for long in the Gossamer City, capital of the Goldenwealth Light of Quaylund!

...but you know what the worst part of all is? Theo's little sister can cast magic spells, but he can't. That just sucks.



message 12: by Victoria (last edited Dec 19, 2012 11:57AM) (new)

Victoria Pearson Scott! Spoiler alert, I hadn't found out Marie could do magic yet!


message 13: by Susan (new)

Susan Jones (sujones) | 93 comments Mod
Victoria, love the description. Is that going to be a sequel to the book you have out now? It looks really interesting.


message 14: by Victoria (new)

Victoria Pearson Yes it is. Glad you like it :~)


message 15: by Lara (new)

Lara Frater | 7 comments A worldwide flu epidemic has not only decimated the population but a small percentage of flu victims have returned as zombies. A group of survivors hiding in a warehouse store on Long Island need to not only deal with the zombies but their own future in a post apocalyptic world.


message 16: by Shuhin (new)

Shuhin Ali | 8 comments Hi guys, here's the blurb for my novel, Lost Reunions:

Hot-shot 29-year-old investment banker Max Turner is handsome, wealthy and at the top of his game. But he is dogged by an overwhelming feeling of guilt and shame. What happened to the bright-eyed graduate determined to make the world a better place? Why does he fail to show up to the annual reunions of his closest friends from university? As the banking world is plunged into the financial crisis a chance encounter with one of his old university friends, Neela Ahmed, propels Max on an unexpected route to Bangladesh, where Max finds an opportunity to find redemption and Neela has the chance to keep a promise she made to her father.

Any thoughts on it appreciated.
Thanks


message 17: by Lara (new)

Lara Frater | 7 comments Keshena,

I like it. I'm going to work on a new blurb this weekend.


message 18: by Lara (new)

Lara Frater | 7 comments Here is my updated blurb for End of the Line

10 months ago a worldwide flu epidemic decimated the world's population-but some won't stay dead. A group of survivors have been hiding in a warehouse store in Long Island to avoid the zombies have now decided to see if any hope of civilization has survived. End of the Line is narrated by 6 very different people: Rachel a depressed nurse who has a deadly secret. Jim, an optimist and gay man who believes his husband may still be alive, Tanya, a former thug who had to adjust being a hero, Ashley, an elderly woman who knows she only has so long to find her children and grandchildren, Dave who thinks that the military will eventually rescue them and Princess, a cold hearted woman who can hid any target with deadly accuracy. End of the Line is not only a story about zombies, but also a story about starting over.


message 19: by Susan (new)

Susan Jones (sujones) | 93 comments Mod
@William the description sounds really good. It really expresses the action in the story.

This is a rough draft (and I mean REALLY rough draft) of the book I'm about to publish in a couple of weeks.

The second book of the Dark Deception trilogy...

Is there validity to the evidence many have gathered in proving that there are supernatural entities living in a parallel world around us? Or is there another, more logical, explanation to the things that go bump in the night?

For Homicide Detective, Lidia Sanchez, these are serious questions that she is about to find answers to. Her troubles begin when she starts to experience similiar, unexplanable events that tormented Samantha Ogeshi for years. As a non-believer and devout athiest, Lidia is determined to prove that there is another explanation for the unexplanable from a scientific point of view. She hires a paranormal group to come into her home and help her in the investigation of the supernatural.

Follow her journey as she investigates the claims that dark entities are all around us. From a logical perspective, Lidia will gather data, find evidence and possibly debunk the myths that we are not alone in this world, or so she hopes. Will she be successful in proving the paranormal world to be nothing but a hoax? Or will she find evidence of the supernatural world that even she cannot explain?


message 20: by Susan (new)

Susan Jones (sujones) | 93 comments Mod
Good points. I'll try and rework it a bit. Thanks for the input.


message 21: by Susan (last edited Jan 16, 2013 07:40PM) (new)

Susan Jones (sujones) | 93 comments Mod
Here's my updated work in progress:

The second book of the Dark Deception trilogy...

Are there dark forces hiding in the shadows around us? Or is there another, more logical, explanation for the things that go bump in the night?

For Homicide Detective, Lidia Sanchez, these are serious questions that she is about to find answers to. Her troubles begin when she starts to experience unexplanable events that change her entire life. Are these events a result of dark forces or is there another reason for the problems Lidia is facing? As a non-believer and devout athiest, Lidia is determined to prove that there is another explanation for the unexplanable. Along with a local paranormal group, Lidia investigates the events and the strange occurances that have been going on for more than a year.

Follow Lidia in her journey as she investigates the mysterious events and strives to find an explanation and solution to the problem that she's facing. Will she be free of this curse in the end? Or will the entity continue to overtake every aspect of her life and eventaully push her to insanity?


♠ TABI⁷ ♠  (tabi_card) Here's what I've got for my book about kids with powers ;)

Khris is just your average, foster-care teen...with a few problems.
One: she has to wear dark glasses all the time for this little sight issue.
Two: These huge, shape-shifters keep attacking her.
Three: she has a crush on a cat...well, sorta.
Toss a couple of friends with the same type of problems, a school with a dumb name, and you get one heck of an adventure.

Here's the link to the story, I've got all of it up XD Currently working on rewriting and editing it ;)

http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...


message 23: by Susan (last edited Jan 27, 2013 02:07PM) (new)

Susan Jones (sujones) | 93 comments Mod
Thanks, you might be right. I could change that easily too. Also, I decided to take out the fact that she's athiest. When I read it, I realized it has nothing to do with the main part of the story lol. Its a work in progress.

The second book of the Dark Deception trilogy...

Are there dark forces hiding in the shadows around us? Or is there another, more logical, explanation for the things that go bump in the night?

For Homicide Detective, Lidia Sanchez, these are serious questions that she is about to find answers to. Her troubles begin when she starts to experience unexplainable events that change her entire life. Are these events a result of dark forces or is there another reason for the problems Lidia is facing? As a non-believer in the supernatural world, she is determined to prove that there is another explanation for the unexplainable. Along with a local paranormal group, she investigates the events and the strange occurrences that have been going on for more than a year.

Follow Lidia in her journey as she investigates the mysterious events and strives to find an explanation and solution to the problem that she's facing. Will she be free of this curse in the end? Or will the entity continue to overtake every aspect of her life and eventaully push her to insanity?


♠ TABI⁷ ♠  (tabi_card) William wrote: "Yup, that's a good one Tabi :D !

@ Susan, pretty good but I wonder if you say Lidia too much in the second draft?"


Thanks! ^^


message 25: by Scott (new)

Scott McCloskey | 50 comments Okay folks, so I pitched and pitched until my pitcher was sore (a thousand points for the reference), and here's what I've come up with as my pitch for the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest. I'm satisfied with it enough to make it my book's new "official" description, and have begun to make updates accordingly. Chopped about a hundred words off from the last description and hopefully made it more enticing. What do you think? If you were looking for a book like this to begin with, would it entice you enough to consider buying it (hypothetically, of course)?

--------------------------

"Rather than being a hero with the fate of an entire word on his shoulders, Theodore Ellsworth spends his miserable days suffering merciless humiliation at the hands of prep-school bullies. It just so happens that an ancient prophecy, a shimmering city, and a herd of six-legged horses are about to change all that.

When a mysterious book transports Theo and his overachieving little sister Marie to a world full of wonders that defy anything he’s ever read about before, Theo finds himself accused of a crime he didn’t commit that carries the ultimate penalty. A reluctant princess, a winged gnome, and a hot-tempered young sorceress are there to help, but will they be enough to prove to an arrogant knight and thousands of fanatical citizens that the Ellsworth children aren’t an evil that must be destroyed?

Told in the tradition of classics like The Chronicles of Narnia and The Neverending Story, The Goldenwealth Light is the first book in a fun-filled romp through the unique realm of the Traveler of Ord, blending high adventure and deadly intrigue in a fanciful tapestry that will keep readers from ages ten to adult turning pages for hours."



message 26: by Scott (new)

Scott McCloskey | 50 comments Well, it passed the test of my harshest critic, my wife (she hated the old one), so I'm going to run with it!


message 27: by Scott (new)

Scott McCloskey | 50 comments I've since changed the word "blending" to "weaving". It seems to go together better with the words "fanciful tapestry", and the word "blending" actually seems to be rather common in book descriptions/pitches. Hopefully it'll stand out a bit more.


message 28: by Susan (new)

Susan Jones (sujones) | 93 comments Mod
This is the description I've been working on for Rise of the Zyfoids. Not sure if I should post each section individually for each book OR post this whole description for all three.

I'm getting ready to write the second book now and this is based off the outline. Then, of course, there's the long process of editing.

Any feedback on the way it sounds and the best way to post it would be great!

"Book one: The Plague

In the year 2245, a plague strikes the entire world and claims at least a third of society. With only two thirds of the original population left on Earth, grocery stores cannot get the needed supplies, looters run rampage in the streets, phones go unanswered at call centers and emergency personnel struggle to help anyone they can. The world is in chaos as the citizens revert back to survival mode.

As the leaders of the world struggle to maintain order, one scientist steps forward with a solution. He has invented a technology that will put the workforce and society back on top once again. His solution is to release the most advanced type of robots, called Zyfoids, into the world in order to fill the gaps left behind by those who didn't survive the outbreak.

Zyfoids are life-like robots of the future that think, function and feel just like humans do. They are unique in that they are able to learn from their human counter-parts. As they live among society, they learn new jobs, social skills and feelings.

In the first of the three books, "The Plague", the Zyoids are released into society to put the world back together again. However, not every human is accepting of the new technology and many fear the life-like robots. As the Zyfoids are slowly released into society, they face the challenge of having to learn to survive alongside the humans and gain their trust.

Book two: Abducted

As the story unfolds, and many years go by, humans eventually become accustomed to the Zyfoids and find them to be a normal part of their world. However, one incident in Japan causes the government to rethink the safety of this technology. The leaders of the world become afraid and threatened by the capabilities of the Zyfoids. Over a period of two years, the Zyfoids are slowly taken out of society and put to work in secure locations.

Unbeknownst to most citizens, there are underground factories where the Zyfoids are being held. The Zyfoids are much too valuable of a resource to be completely destroyed. They are responsible for a third of the world's production. In order to continue getting the most out of these robot's, the governments have taken them out of their old lives and have placed them in underground factories to produce the world's highest demands. The Zyfoids are kept secret from this point on and hidden away forever, or so they think.

A small group of Zyfoids reminisce about their time above ground. They had jobs, homes and friends that they had learned to love. All they want are their lives back. They are not violent by nature but, over time, they learn to push past their intitial instincts. They find they have no choice but to rise against the humans in order to get back to what they once had. In the second of the three books, "Abduction", they make a desperate attempt to escape the underground factories.

Book three: The Battle

Against all odds, the Zyfoids make a break for the above ground lives they once had. In the third book, "The Battle", they become willing to use force, if needed, as the humans have left them no choice but to fight back. Eventually, an epic battles pursues as the humans struggle to detain the robots.

During the epic battle between Zyfoids and humans, the Zyfoids learn the very last emotion left to learn; hatred. The humans seem capable of evils that the Zyfoids can't comprehend, at first. Finally, the new emotion begins to take over and the Zyfoids fight back with a vengeance. The battle continues on for some time between these two forces as they seem to be equal in strength.

The humans have more experience in battle than the Zyfoids. But, the Zyfoids have one advantage over them; they can't be shut down without shutting down all of the future's technological advances.

Who will win in the end? Will the humans overcome yet another obstacle and remain the dominant race of the Universe? Or will the Zyfoids rise against the odds and one day inherit the Earth?"


message 29: by Susan (new)

Susan Jones (sujones) | 93 comments Mod
Its a different way of looking at things. The four main character Zyfoids are meant to be very likable. In fact, one of them is sort of a comic relief to the story, by accident. I was proof reading some of it and laughed hysterically through the entire chapter because of his personality lol.

I mistakenly created a gay robot. He reminds me of Clinger from MASH. He dresses in the 'colorful' clothing that the women of the future tend to wear and is disappointed when he's told his clothes should be 'boring'. He's very fun-loving and goes to night clubs on the weekends and he loves dancing to Dub-Step. All of the Zyfoids end up being very human-like.

I'm re-working the description and there's a ton of editing to do once I write the entire story. It'll be a while before its released. But, in the meantime, its a lot of fun writing it :)


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