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Feeling Nostalgic? The archives > Rihanna back with Chris Brown

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message 1: by Lori (new)

Lori Say what? So staying with someone who beat the shit out of you has nothing to do with being economically trapped. I can't figure this out.

message 2: by Sarah (new)

Sarah (songgirl7) Do you guys think abuse is EVER a one-time thing? Like, I just lost my temper and went off but it'll never happen again? Or is it a one strike, and you're out kind of a situation?

message 3: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) No logic involved. Most certainly.

message 4: by Lori (new)

Lori Sarah, I don't think it's a one time thing, unless a person goes into serious therapy. And from the pictures I've seen, Chris Brown doesn't seem at all remorseful. I realize that doesn't mean anything, who knows what's going on inside him really. Yet there were pictures of him even the next day, looking all kinds of cheerful. Supposedly he's in some kind of anger management workshop, but I think it's more PR. Individual therapy is needed here.

message 5: by Lori (new)

Lori What drives a person to stay in an abusive relationship? Aside from delusions of it being a one-time thing?

message 6: by Félix (last edited Feb 28, 2009 11:45AM) (new)

Félix (habitseven) Low self-esteem is one driver. "I don't deserve any better."

message 7: by Lori (new)

Lori But when I was thta young, I had low-self esteem, but even then I would never stay with someone who abused me. Can you be in such need that you forgive someone who did that to you? I guess there's all sorts of degrees of low self-esteem. And here you also have an amazing dichotomy - Rihanna is so successful. You never know what lurks in the hearts of men.

message 8: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) You never know what lurks in the hearts of men.

Your lips to God's ear.

message 9: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments I'm really, really interested in how this will be spun, PR-wise, by both artists.

message 10: by Lori (new)

Lori Yes, RA. The PR machine is a fascinating thing, isn't it. And so many people fall for it!

message 11: by Sarah (new)

Sarah (songgirl7) I think it's like Locke's idea that people aren't really free unless they know they are free. Some women just don't know that they don't have to live in that kind of situation. They're scared, or like you said they don't think they deserve any better, or maybe they don't know that other kinds of relationships exist. But you'd think someone like Rihanna would know better.

I hope Chris Brown isn't the only one getting counseling.

message 12: by [deleted user] (new)

I hope Chris Brown isn't the only one getting counseling.

That is a great point Sarah.

message 13: by Karencilla (new)

Karencilla | 82 comments I think many of us have seen cases like this.. i can't get it though. But sometimes there are too many things involved. I really hope that both of them take some therapy and that he really wants to change.

message 14: by Gåry! (new)

Gåry! (garyneill) It's unfortunate everyone assumes Rihanna has no culpability here. There's nothing she could have done short of physically attacking him that would warrant such an overwhelming beatdown from him... but I'm betting she's back with him because she had some part in instigating the original event and now feels remorse.

If either one of them had any sense, they'd get on with their lives apart from one another. Brown would face the music (so to speak) for his actions and if Rihanna was in any way responsible for working him up, she'll say as much during a proper hearing.

Don't you dare infer that I'm condoning his actions... just pointing out that there's at least two sides to every story and a 3rd is added when the media's involved.

message 15: by Lori (last edited Mar 01, 2009 08:39PM) (new)

Lori I'm daring you Gary. Because what you say feeds the general consensus that when a woman is abused, it's partly her fault. And from what I've been reading (because I got very interested in this after the incident) women go back for exactly that reason, they are convinced it is their fault. I think what you meant is that Rihanna did something to anger him, and I'm sure that's true. I don't think anyone is denying that. But that doesn't mean she even went close to physically attacking him. There's subtle ways to mentally push someone's buttons. From what I've read, they were fighting, and of course she probably said some nasty hurtful things. People do when they fight. And supposedly he snapped when she threw the car keys out the window. But there is no way that she is responsible for being physically beaten. Yes, as Sarah says, she needs some therapy as well. And now more than ever, for thinking it IS her fault and going back to him. Because if there's one thing that came up in the articles I've read, the next time, and there will be a next time, it's going to be much worse.

message 16: by Lori (new)

Lori Oh and furthermore, what I also read is that the majority of teenage girls are completely unfazed by this, and think Rihanna probably got what she deserved. Because of what you said - it was her fault. That is alarming.

message 17: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) Very well said, Lori.

message 18: by shellyindallas (last edited Mar 02, 2009 06:00AM) (new)

shellyindallas He didn't say it was her fault. In fact he said there's nothing she could have done to warrant his response. What he said was, why does everyone assume she has no culpability? Then you (Lori), in your response, said that she probably said some hurtful and nasty things. Isn't that acknowledging that she has some culpability here?

What's interesting to me about this conversation is how no one has mentioned that there are many forms of abuse. I'm reminded of when Christian Bale was in the news for yelling and his sister and mother and causing such a scene that hotel security was called to their room. That whole incident was spun as a matter of his sister and mom being greedy and meeting with him to make demands that he provide for them. The article I read even mentioned that he pushed one of them. Where is the outrage? Where are the calls that he seek counseling? Should his mother and sister say that they deserve to be treated better and excommunicate him from their lives?

I love when people who (clearly) have never been in abusive relationships hammer on about what the definitions are and why people stay and what they would do if they were in that situation.

message 19: by RandomAnthony (last edited Mar 02, 2009 06:47AM) (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments Yes, I would agree that there are more forms of abuse...

If either one of them had any sense, they'd get on with their lives apart from one another.

I agree with this completely. What we haven't heard, from what I understand (and I haven't been following this story, so please correct me if I'm wrong) is whether or not Rhianna hit him. Now, that doesn't mean that he should hit her back, but if she did hit it does mean that she is guilty of abuse. Girls cannot hit guys, either. As I may have said before, as the father of three sons, I'm greatly, greatly bothered of the fact that teachers/parents seem to take girls hitting boys much less seriously than boys hitting girls.

I agree, as well, that we can only guess "in theory" here...there are parts of the story we will never know. So we have to be careful of framing our responses in light of our assumptions and lack of information.

message 20: by Gåry! (new)

Gåry! (garyneill) Lori, you are wrong about my post. Reading it without projecting your opinion on it should illustrate how... Otherwise, I can't help you.

message 21: by Lori (last edited Mar 02, 2009 10:46AM) (new)

Lori Gary - my apologies then. I just reread your post, and yup, totally misinterpreted your 2nd sentence.

message 22: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17346 comments Mod
Not to revive the peacefully sleeping abuse debate thread,
but I saw this and thought of y'all.


message 23: by Lori (new)

Lori Thanks Sally. I'm fascinated with this issue now. And I'm amazed that Usher retracted his statement from yesterday and apologized, where he really didn't say anything horrible, only that Chris Brown should be showing some remorse instead of playing and smiling and having a raucus time in Florida. Obviously there are major movers applying pressure behind this all, coming down to money - the record companies trying to salvage the dollar cow of Chris Brown. A shame really.

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